Overthinking, Conflicted, and Overwhelmed

Hey everyone,

I'm feeling very conflicted. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 3 months now. When we're good, we get along great. We are perfect for eachother. I've never felt at such a level of comfort with anyone so quickly, or ever for that matter. It's hard for me to be myself because I have anxiety and constantly wonder what other people think. The fact that I can fully be myself around my boyfriend makes me feel like the relationship is really special. I'm more comfortable with him than I am with my best friend of 10 years, believe it or not. However, we tend to fight often. I think we are both equally comfortable with eachother and therefore express how we feel very openly. This leads to arguments. He doesn't seem to know how to effectively handle arguments. He begins to act childish, rude, cold, and all the uneccessary behaviours that make the problem grow. It's so frustrating because I'd rather have a mature conversation, and solve the problem as a team rather than being "against" eachother and making the argument worse. I've told him this countless times but he continues to act the same way...

So the other day, we got into a major argument. I wanted to go to a frat party with my girlfriends. I invited him. He said he did not like these kind of parties and wanted to stay home, and I told him I'd still be going. He told me it made him uncomfortable for me to be going to a frat party where there would be a bunch of drunk guys, and where I'd appear single (understandable). I don't drink and told him that I wanted to have a night out with my girlfriends, I'm loyal and he has to trust that I'm not going to do anything to ruin our relationship. So I went to this party, I stayed loyal just like I said I would. However, he was furious that I went and said that it hurt him. He said that he doesn't want to be with a "party girl" type (which I'm not) and that he doesn't think it's going to work out! He's told me countless times that I'm the love of his life, he feels special with me, he'd do anything for me, wants to be with me forever, etc, and then after this event, he just cuts it off? It made me feel as if he never actually loved me (which I told him), and he said "don't ever say that, I do love you. I just can't do this anymore." I was shocked. To make matters worse, he did it over the phone, not even in person and we live very close to eachother. I was extremely hurt. What bothered me is that he's done things that make me extremely uncomfortable like keeping in touch with his ex when he knows she still has feelings for him. Although this drives me insane, I've put up with it because I love him. Yet I do one thing, and he's out the door? I don't exactly see how this is fair.

Anyway, we got to talking (texting) and he said "I don't want it to end. I don't want to lose you. I love you." He decided that he wanted to see if we could make things work so we met up that night to discuss our future. We ended up together, not broken up. But what bothered me is that I almost felt like I had to "beg" for him back which I'm not proud of. He's my first serious boyfriend so when he broke up with me initially I was extremely sad. Also, I feared that my anxiety/depression would hit full force. So I kinda pushed to "make things work." I'm glad we ended up together, but now I fear that any big fight we have, he'll leave. He invited me to a family function (the same day we "broke up", after we got back together) where I met all his relatives for the first time. I felt weird and unnatural all night, considering what had happened earlier in the day. Things didn't feel the same. He wasn't as lovey dovey, he barely looked at me/spoke to me. It was just very weird. I don't know if I'll ever be able to feel the same in the relationship after that. I don't know if I can give him my heart again without the fear that he'll break it. I'm distancing myself because I'm afraid he'll break my heart again. But I love him so much that I don't want to lose him. I don't know what to do.

If you read this whole thing, congrats. Should I stay with him? Should I break up with him? I would love and appreciate your opinions/advice on the manner. (Btw we are very young, 18 years old).

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1 Reply

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  • I think that's the problem you are very young and the feelings you both have are maybe over whelming? Why don't you have a nice day out or meal and just be open with one another. Being happy together is your priority, take your time.

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