ignoring friends so they forget about you

[Bones_]

I've done this. Where you just stop responding to their texts. no more birthdays. no more queasy gatherings that always made me feel worse. It is the most nauseating , painful process. just disappearing away from your friends. But, the disgust you feel towards yourself becomes so overbearing, that being around old friends invokes the anxiety even more. months would past, they'd ask me how I was doing, and I hadn't done a single thing, what will they think of me???

I miss those dead friends. It's been years now. And I will randomly, uncomfortably, stumble upon one or two on Facebook and think, oh god. here it comes. the same old terrifying feelings of being disconnected, dislodged, exhausting, and unwanted. I remember how I faded away from them. how painful that was, and yet how painful it was to keep seeing them. Nothing felt "right" or "comfortable" or "easy". Losing a core group of friends, on your own watch, creates this open space in my gut, where fears flood in whenever I think of them. It's like "oh yeah, there are all those ugly choices I made, taking shape in the hollow of my stomach" . I'm scared. I feel that I will feel un-met, un-seen, and lack the social support of a cohesive group of friends for...well for the rest of my life possibly. your early 20s sucks bad. this world feels so cold and scary sometimes, it is remarkable. indescribable.

[Rin-54]

I'm not that great at talking to people so i hope i don't mess this up somehow. But for me i prefer it now that no one asks me dumb questions like "How are you" or "so what are you doing with yourself" just makes me want to lay on the ground and stay there also if half of those people even cared they would be on my doorstep trying to drag me out of the house but instead they are taking photos of their crappy cabonara and posting it on facebook so they can find out if anyone else likes it ? Technology has made it very easy to say no to someone or even flat out ignore them, i think if it was harder i would still enjoy "gatherings" and what not because everyone would be alot less awkward and more used to them. Hope my brain's typing is comprehensive and not straight up crazy talk.

[Bones_ in reply to Rin-54]

That voice that says you're not comprehensible/good at talking...I completely disagree. I relate SO MUCH to what you shared, and I love the way you express yourself. Especially laying on the ground when ppl ask you dumb questions...they literally are flattening!!! And YES. I agree. if people cared, and made the EFFORT to know your life, they certainly would try to get you to come out and do things. They would be helpful. thank you for responding so thoughtfully and emotionally. keep writing.

[Hidden]

Hello

I think I get what you are saying

Is it sort of less anxiety for you when you don't have to worry about friends , if they let you down etc , so pushing them away helps to protect you from those fears , if so I am very similar but as well as anxiety I have been let down so many times I get to the stage I just don't want to take the risk or have the hassle but yes you can feel lonely at this stage but I have hubby and grown up kids which just takes the edge of not feeling so alone

Whichever way your post was meant it was a good read , very honest and detailed description expressing well you feel

Take Care x

[Funkyfaerie]

I have backed away from friends when I have felt ill/exhausted because it all seems too much. Yes it makes me feel sad, but then just a few friends stick around and make sure you are ok, then I guess you get to know who your real friends are.....I have deliberately let some go because they bring negativity into my life or have treated me badly and I don't need that.

I have always treated people with respect, given them the benefit of the doubt and done my best to help them....I don't do it for reward, but when I need help, it never seems to be there. So, I have decided it doesn't pay to be nice...which is a shame....because I don't know what to be now. Best Wishes X