I really do at times wonder about just giving in....

[Armyguy]

I have good days and more often bad, these bad days just drain me, I actually lay here and wish I wasn't born, sick of battling this, I've tried acceptance but it just messes with me horribly.... I didn't get to enjoy my day with the kids because of anxiety....

I just wanna quit, I just wanna say forget it all and be done but when I go to do something I become too afraid to do it.... I hate my self..... No one listens or cares and I'm done bothering people and I'm done feeling bad.... I can't do this for years.

[Agora1]

Armyguy, I'm very concerned. What do you wonder about giving into? The bad thoughts? I understand how draining anxiety can be but you don't wish you were never born. I'm sorry you didn't get to enjoy your day with the children. Anxiety has a way of ruining our lives if we let it. Wanting to quit is just what anxiety was waiting to hear from you. We listen on the forum, we all care . At this time you have to look out for YOU and pick and choose people who will support you. I've been there, I hid in the house for years. If no one wanted to support me then I would take care of myself. I dug deep Armyguy. I looked for that strong person I was as a paramedic. The one who helped others survive. Now I needed the help and I felt no one was there. And you having served our country have more than the discipline and strength to carry on. Somehow, it got buried within the PTSD. I use to volunteer in the VA hospital and so I realize that even there, soldiers are left to get better on their own. Oh their medical needs are taken care of but not that much is done for emotional. You have just been through so much trauma emotionally that it is going to take time to heal. I feel the breakup of you and your girlfriend certainly didn't help matters. You showed all of us through your videos exactly what it is like and what it looks like to deal with anxiety at it's worst. It took guts to do that. You need a support system right now. And if it can't be through therapy or family then you need to come to the forum more often. We owe our Vets big time. Now is your time to heal and let us take care of you. Hang in there. I promise this will not go on for years.

[Stay_strong85]

Hi, hey...you CAN do this. Never hate yourself either. I understand the feeling tho. You are perfect the way you are...I care...we all care. I am here for ya!☺ Keep fighting the good fight my friend!

[Sharon51]

I know it's so hard it really is a battle and I think I can't do this it's to hard, but I think that's today and tomorrow could be better an sometimes they are I have to try because I want more good days and to be happy to enjoy my family , because most of the time it's like life's going on around me an I'm just watching everyone without a care ! And I get so angry withat myself, but we're here to listen and try to help your not alone xxx

[Katlinma78]

If you are feeling suicidal then please don't. It feels now like things will always be like this, but that is just the anxiety and depression talking. There is always hope and you can feel better again. The only way that there isn't a chance of that is if you commit suicide. I understand - you are exhausted, you can't see a way forward. But sometimes when we hit rock bottom that can be the start of recovery. And as much as you might tell yourself others would be better off without you, that's not true - again it is the anxiety and depression talking. Suicide of a loved one is a devastating thing. So don't.

I felt like life wasn't worth living just under a year ago due to anxiety, but after a course of sertraline and some cognitive behavioral therapy I am better than ever.

I can't remember what help you are having? Are you having therapy, on any medications? If not, I suggest you go to the doctors and explain how you are feeling and whether they can refer you.

I'm intrigued as to what you mean by having tried acceptance but it messes you up horribly? Can you explain more?

[Katlinma78]

How are you doing today?

[Jessica547]

I hope you are feeling better today, and I'm terribly sorry about what you're going through and mental illness is the biggest bitch ever. It takes away your will to live, to have fun, to laugh smile, and to function like a normal human being. I've been struggling with so many mental problems after my mother passed and I was physically abused and still living in an alcoholic abusive home, and than my boyfriend left me because of my mental illnesses. Nobody asks for this to happen to them and it happens to the most good hearted people. Take one motion at a time, and don't end it all because you've come this far you can get through anything. Be with your kids because they will miss you so much if anything happened to you. I totally understand that nobody in life cares or "it's to much for them to handle" which is bullshit, people who care should be there through thick and thin and if they aren't they aren't people to be around. Also if you need someone to talk to and help I would and many others on the website would to, things get better even though it may not seem like it today or the next day, but each day you grow stronger and nobody can take that away from you. I hope all is well and you are ok.

[LDS32]

just remember no matter how bad you feel you can literally feel better in an hour. I having a bad day, real bad but the 3 days prior to this one were fantastic so I just keep in mind I can be back to feeling good if I just ride it out man. Best of luck.