Men!

I know this is an anxiety group but I needed to get this off my chest, I'm actually livid right now. I'm sick of my lazy partner. We have a one year old daughter and he literally does nothing for her or me. Since the day she was born I literally have done everything for her from changing her nappies to bathing her to making sure she's fed. I have done it all. He never helps and its starting to really get me down. I feel so hopeless and useless all the time. I've been diagnosed with post natal depression finally and thought it might make him pull his finger out and help me more but no he just uses it as an excuse to ridicule me. Sorry for the long post and I don't know what I'm expecting to achieve I just needed to get it off my chest.

8 Replies

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  • He ridicules you!! That's awful, no wonder your feeling upset n angry

  • I had a lazy partner too, recently, ugh. I had to dump him tho. I know you have to think if your beautiful baby, but don't put up with his crap.

  • I agree with stay strong. Time to get rid. You're too good for him and your daughter deserves better.

  • Sorry but you need to be rid of him He is pulling you down Post natal depression is no joke and anyone who can ridicule it is not worth having in your life

  • On behalf of men, I am really sorry. It sounds as if he wants to be looked after by his Mummy rather than taking responsibility for looking after his family. But maybe HIS father didn't raise a finger to help at home. Neglecting a child is equivalent to abusing a child, and I wouldn't think he would want that on his record. I should arrange to go with him to a session of counselling at Relate.

  • Hello

    Sometimes just getting this of our chests can help and I hope posting helped you :-)

    I would not suggest or just get rid of the father of your child without making sure this was actually going to be the best thing for the future and I think only the people in the relationship know that answer

    I am wondering could he be feeling a little left out since your Daughter has been born ?

    I know this is no excuse for his behavior but men like to portray this Alpha Male figure and therefore they can be feeling certain emotions but either don't know how to admit it or won't

    I am sure you will have but have you sat down and had a serious conversation with him about how you are feeling ?

    I wonder if some marriage counselling may help you as a couple

    Lots of new young families do find when they have a child a struggle how to adapt and a lot of the time men are the one's that feel their role is to leave it to the women to do everything but of course this is not the case and it can take intervention sometimes from outside sources to help assist in showing how things need to change , I would talk with my Health Visitor or Doctor and see what they suggest

    Also when we have depression especially post natal depression we do not always see things as clear as when we are on top form and I would wait till I was feeling better in myself before I made any rash decisions , if the relationship is not going to work for me I would like to be able to walk away knowing I had tried every way possible to keep the family unit together , but he would just not play the part he needed to to enable this to be

    For now , I would get as much support as I could , talk with him or maybe even write him a letter been totally honest about how you feel and what this could lead to if things don't change , what you need from him , sometimes seeing things written down can have a bigger impact than when we try to say them ( which usually ends up in a shouting match when we do )

    Take care of you & your Daughter and leave him to look after his self while you are going through your depression as you & your Daughter are the two most important people in your life at the moment :-)

    I know things may feel bad at the moment like a tangled ball of wool that you just don't know which end to try and start to unravel , but take it easy on yourself and slowly you will find how to unravel what feels like a mess , it will not always be like this and I really hope that you will whether your OH decides to do what is right by you that you will soon be enjoying life and that precious Daughter you have brought into the world :-)

    Take Care x

  • Facing the reality of your situation and eliminating the fantasy tells me you are stronger than you think. The post depression will resolve itself and you and your daughter will move on to a better life. Count on it. Whatever his issues may be it is his responsibility to sort them out you have your hands full as it is.

  • I empathise with you completely. When we brought our first son home from the hospital, my wife placed him on the floor in the living room and then went upstairs. We saw very little of her for the first twelve months of his life. I looked at him, baby-growed from head to toe and the one thought kept reverberating round my mind: what the f--- do I do now? Anyhow, I picked him up, looked into his crumpled up eyes and that gorgeous smell of a new born baby hit me. His mother was diagnosed with post natal depression (not of the psychotic type thank God) and saw our GP only because I asked him to come and see her. She never was one for medication and so the anti depressants the doctor gave her went straight down the toilet. In time she mellowed a little but had very little time for Sebastian, our son. The second one to come along, Tobias, she was for the first two weeks or so the same as before yet made a effort (to be fair to her it was an effort for her) but made that grave mistake of rocking him after story time (always my job) which turned into hissy fits when she left him. She asked me once again if I would take overall care of him but for the sake of my sanity (we had three dogs at the time, two cockatiels, a budgie, four finches and a hamster called Bob) I told her I had too much on with Sebastian and the pets and she was perfectly fine after three weeks and without any medication. When the third son arrived (this is sounding more and more like something from an Oscar Wilde play!!) I had to do everything for him. I'm not bitter about the situation because now I adore babies although I'm damned glad I'm not a woman. I saw Sebastian being born and that was enough for me!!

    It was all good training for me though. She was back at work when Joshua was three months old and so I was the carer for all three boys, now grown men! She met a bloke there and then went missing for weeks at a time but always made sure she was in the hall way as I was getting the boys ready for school thinking that she was just off to work after getting up late. Children are not stupid. This went on (rather like I am at the moment!) until we finally divorced and Residency of the children was granted to me. On one weekend of visitation they did not come back and with it being school holidays I thought she may have taken them somewhere. Two weeks later I found out she had taken them to Australia (she had married the bloke she met at work simply to rid herself of my surname). I haven't seen them since.

    The irony of all this is that she was a fully qualified primary school teacher but had quit her job because she didn't really like children.

    Not all men are like your man. Get your daughter ready to go out in your buggy, wheel it to him, tell him you have something really important top do and so couldn't look after your daughter and then vanish for the afternoon. You'll be surprised what men can do in such situations. Men are traditional in their approach to families and the way that they work. The woman is the carer and the man was the earner and that is it.