Relationship anxiety?

[AlexaLee7811]

Hello,

sometimes I doubt what I have and just wanted to get a second opinion. I know I truly love my boyfriend when my stomach is not in knots and my mind isn't rushing I just feel me. I didn't feel any anxiety this weekend except for a little bit Saturday but I could push it off. I laugh with him I crave him sexually and mentally and nothing grosses me out but I notice this time of year I definitely get more moody and try to find things wrong or things to annoy me or I just get annoyed a shit ton easier. My stomach literally gets in knots and I feel nauseous and I have racing thoughts of do I love him do I not? (which have started to subside because I know I do) but then I am like well what is wrong now let me find something wrong is his hair too long is he too old whatever. and at times I don't even focus on it and I am having such a wonderful time with him I have to like take a step back and think wait what am I worrying about and then my stomach gets in knots again. In the beginning I had a fear he would leave me like if he didn't text me or I just got an ok text I thought something was wrong but once I got more into the hang of things I knew it was just him and then also this time of year I know I have seasonal depression which I work on daily and also my parents got divorced this time of year too. I also am not sure if this is like hte honeymoon phase dwindling out and like the real meat and potatoes of relationships and I am just not used to it. I have always viewed relationships black and white and never grey like either you're ALWAYS giddy and excited or you just have one annoyance and its over like you can't handle it. It is why I run away a lot in relationships that the moment I find it annoying Im like I am done dont care but I have never found him annoying or anything till now and it randomly popped up . I had this with my ex but it was 1000x worse I would cry everyday because I didn't want this to mean an end to us but my stomach hurt so much I was just having racing thoughts and it happened legit like CLOCK work with my recent boyfriend yet I am A LOT stronger and able to talk to him about it too.

He is wonderful with it with me I had it last night he was just venting to me about work but he sometimes rambles which he knows too which we ALL do hell I do it but I started focusing on it and the more he rambled the more annoyed I got and then I just told him hey my anxiety is up and he asked what triggered it and i told him and he said he knows he does that and we talked about it and how my anxiety acts like a wall trying to protect me from something that may or may not happen (aka leaving him or him leaving me so it is like I try to prepare myself for it? idk) and then it all went away my annoyance my stomach in knots everything and I felt relaxed and like I wanted to cry because of how much i loved him and how amazing he was to me.

Does anyone else experience or has experienced something like this? I read a lot of people worrying their significant other is cheating or something and I never worry about that we have so much trust and openness and honesty and communication between each other and we respect each other so much I never worry about those things!

[Hidden]

Hello

Sorry firstly I know there is a reply you sent me on another post you did which I have not answered

I can see that this is your anxiety and depression with all these questions running round in your head creating all this doubt but it is so much easier for me to see it because I have been there but come through the other side

I think the only thing I did to be able to do this is first accept that it was my anxiety creating all this , second when the thoughts came in stop allowing them to be so important so as they came in I would throw them back out and if the tried creeping back in again I would do the same again till eventually they stopped , started to enjoy the moment I was in and not think of all the "what if's" and told myself I will enjoy what I have now because I could spend a life time worrying and if my worries came true then that person was not right for me so I will have not lost anything but if my worries never came true then I am wasting precious time I will never get back again

I know it sounds easier said than done but like anything practice makes perfect

Take Care x

[AlexaLee7811 in reply to Hidden]

Haha no worries I absolutely love talking to you and really appreciate all you have to say as I take in every word! And you are right I am trying to do that now like instead of breaking everything down to the last millisecond I just am going to enjoy the moment and when I think of him and I am happy just stop at that don't keep digging into it and wondering if I will be happy if this happens or this. I mean even my anxiety is doubting it is anxiety haha which is stupid because when I don't focus on it it is GONE like completely gone and he helps me calm down too with it after we talked it was gone completely no more stomach aches nothing and I always have had a super sensitive stomach so I think my anxiety works in forms there because it is so weak in a sense haha. I just sometimes doubt it is relationship anxiety because as you said I am in it and not an outside person reading about it. I thankfully have accepted it is anxiety I don't like it and it so bothers me but I have accepted it and I will definitely need to start throwing them out. My biggest fear is they are true like oh my gosh what if he isn't it or oh my gosh what if it doesn't work because I want him to be it so badly and I want it to work but I can't put that pressure on myself because there is so much unknown. Maybe he isn't it and it is ok I shouldn't be scared that he isn't but I am because I don't want to lose someone I love and click with so much so like you said not worth wasting precious time I will never get back if it isn't true.

[Hidden in reply to AlexaLee7811]

Hello

I have been there questioning if I had anxiety , mind you my anxiety would question it so it could tell me I had something a lot worse than anxiety

In life we can all get things wrong , no one knows , relationships never come with guarantees like appliances , but like everything if there ever comes a moment where we realize we have messed up then we can always put it right , meanwhile try & enjoy what you have now x

[AlexaLee7811 in reply to Hidden]

Aw thanks! and you're right my anxiety would question it so it could tell me I had something a lot worse or something was really wrong or my body is telling me something is wrong. I just some days just want it all gone I want it just to let me be and let me be happy with who I am with!

And thats exactly right relationships never come with guaranteees so instead of wondering and worrying I just need to say whatever happens will happen and I don't ever want to end it I have thought do I want to? but I just don't feel it like Im like nope i don't even think that my anxiety is more geared to what if what if is this right is this wrong where are the facts kinda thing. drives me bonkers hahah