sometimes I doubt what I have and just wanted to get a second opinion. I know I truly love my boyfriend when my stomach is not in knots and my mind isn't rushing I just feel me. I didn't feel any anxiety this weekend except for a little bit Saturday but I could push it off. I laugh with him I crave him sexually and mentally and nothing grosses me out but I notice this time of year I definitely get more moody and try to find things wrong or things to annoy me or I just get annoyed a shit ton easier. My stomach literally gets in knots and I feel nauseous and I have racing thoughts of do I love him do I not? (which have started to subside because I know I do) but then I am like well what is wrong now let me find something wrong is his hair too long is he too old whatever. and at times I don't even focus on it and I am having such a wonderful time with him I have to like take a step back and think wait what am I worrying about and then my stomach gets in knots again. In the beginning I had a fear he would leave me like if he didn't text me or I just got an ok text I thought something was wrong but once I got more into the hang of things I knew it was just him and then also this time of year I know I have seasonal depression which I work on daily and also my parents got divorced this time of year too. I also am not sure if this is like hte honeymoon phase dwindling out and like the real meat and potatoes of relationships and I am just not used to it. I have always viewed relationships black and white and never grey like either you're ALWAYS giddy and excited or you just have one annoyance and its over like you can't handle it. It is why I run away a lot in relationships that the moment I find it annoying Im like I am done dont care but I have never found him annoying or anything till now and it randomly popped up . I had this with my ex but it was 1000x worse I would cry everyday because I didn't want this to mean an end to us but my stomach hurt so much I was just having racing thoughts and it happened legit like CLOCK work with my recent boyfriend yet I am A LOT stronger and able to talk to him about it too.
He is wonderful with it with me I had it last night he was just venting to me about work but he sometimes rambles which he knows too which we ALL do hell I do it but I started focusing on it and the more he rambled the more annoyed I got and then I just told him hey my anxiety is up and he asked what triggered it and i told him and he said he knows he does that and we talked about it and how my anxiety acts like a wall trying to protect me from something that may or may not happen (aka leaving him or him leaving me so it is like I try to prepare myself for it? idk) and then it all went away my annoyance my stomach in knots everything and I felt relaxed and like I wanted to cry because of how much i loved him and how amazing he was to me.
Does anyone else experience or has experienced something like this? I read a lot of people worrying their significant other is cheating or something and I never worry about that we have so much trust and openness and honesty and communication between each other and we respect each other so much I never worry about those things!