I find that i am struggling to make decisions about short trips or flights to things I need to see or do, sometimes for work, because i am under great time pressure. I start to worry that someone will die as a result of my decisions. A bird hit my window yesterday and i tried to save it but when I got to the vet it died so I blamed myself for killing it and now think someone else will die. I constantly feel that i am being punished. I have anxiety and panic and can't breath and don't want to get up. I beat myself up if i miss out on something because i did not decide or book it quick enough. But if i do book something i worry incessantly I have already done the wrong thing or feel selfish for doing it. Need to make a decision now whether to go away this weekend. And it is ruining my week while I have a ton of work to do. I have the worry that if i don't go i will not get the spiritual enlightenment waiting for me. But that if i do go something bad may happen. How do I choose?