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I'm new here... can we relate?

Hello. I'm wondering if anyone experiences a similar type of fantasy-thinking.

It is hard to be in my own body. I have to prepare myself before leaving my house, my clothes have to feel right, my face has to pull together right, and I have to have some fantasy that I look like some intimidating, amoebic, transperson. Ultimatly I fantasize that I am a boy that passes as a female. It's strange. But , it is how I feel.

IF I don't do this kind of fantasizing about my looks/who I am, I walk out feeling like a giant wound, getting bruised by any eyes that lay on me. Without some kind of confidence-boosting fantasy, I am utterly depressed, anxious, and feel disgusting.

I find this type of fantasizing extends further into my ability to enjoy life. If I am not reading a novel, or not obsessing/worshiping some kind of fictional character/world...then I find it increasingly difficult to celebrate what is in front of me. I compare it to people's obsession with astrology and their own "signs", or their clinging to some psychological archetype. If I don't have a blueprint of somekind to formulate myself next to, a fantasy inside of me about myself, then I seem to feel very dull, lost, and often dissociated. Ahh. So...can anyone relate? Or agree that life is just plain dull without stories and fantasies?

2 Replies

Hi bones, I hope you are well, I think we could all write a book that probably people who read them would think it was fantasy!!! You choose to remove yourself from reality into a world that makes you feel happy😀 If that's what works for you then you are doing no one any harm. You have very low self asteem!! For what ever reason you think you are not good enough or fit in!!! Well I don't know how you got that idea but your just as good and important as everyone else. If you take a look around you and see a beautiful girl, a happy couple !! Etc everything isn't always as it seems. Everyone has a story to tell. No one knows what's going on behind the scenes. I don't know your story but have you talked to anyone about it? I think we could all benefit from a therapist!! You need to work on your confidence and feelings about yourself. I hope you don't mind me saying these things to you. You need to work on it to find out what you truly want in life and what you want to be. Keep posting and talking 🙏🏻


Hey there - so sorry it took me so long to reply. Thank you for being so forthright about the low self-esteem as a cause for all the problems. You are certainly on track with that one, and your enthusiasm about continuing to write and share is really sweet :) Your response has been very helpful - I hope you are doing okay !!


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