New Job Anxiety

Let's start at the beginning, since I'm new here... I suppose I've had anxiety for a long, long time, and the depression manifested around the same time, as well. I was bullied for many years in school, so that could be why. But anyway, I emigrated from the UK to Ireland when I was 15, and while I was reluctant to go at first, I found a real home there, and was happy. I left for a year to work in Japan, and it was only a year because I started to struggle with loneliness (as well as the sheer cost of living out there), and so I returned to Ireland. For the three years that followed, I was unemployed, and having little to no money, and not leaving the house due to being unable to drive (the aforementioned anxiety has caused me to fail my test multiple times), caused both the depression and anxiety to grow worse and worse. Things changed very suddenly, and I was offered a job back in the UK, and while I thought I was prepared for it, the speed at which it has happened made it very clear that I wasn't. I accepted the offer (after being placed under intense pressure by the agency who found the job for me), because I knew I had to push myself out of my comfort zone, but it's proven so much harder than I thought it ever would be. I was fortunate enough to be able to live with my uncle to start with, even though it will be a 2-hour commute one-way from his house, and now I'm here, everything has grown harder still. I don't start work for a couple of days, but I'm crying all the time, and I'm struggling to cope without the emotional support of my parents, and the comfort and companionship of my dog, whom I left in Ireland with my parents. My uncle has been very kind to let me into his home, especially as he's having problems with his children and his soon-to-be ex-wife, but he isn't home very often, I'm home alone right now, and the loneliness is giving me too much time to think, and feel afraid, and cry. I miss home so much, and long to go back, but I know if I quit and go home, I'll be disappointed in myself, and always wondering what opportunity I turned my back on. I just want to feel some semblance of normalcy, so I can see this for the opportunity it is, and not just feel heartbroken to not have my parents (with whom I'm very close) and my dog near me. I'm so sorry this is a long ramble, but I'm so nervous about starting this new job, scared of being lonely and not good enough, I don't know if I'll even make it to the first day without a massive panic attack. I even panic about having panic attacks! Please, any help or advice you can give me would be very much appreciated!

EDIT: I survived my first few days of work, though they weren't without incident. I've been waking up every morning with my heart thundering in my chest, and my stomach feeling tight and sick, even on weekend mornings. I'm even going to bed feeling tense and sick. I'm getting steadily angrier with myself for not coping better, and while there are times when I start to feel okay, like I will get through it, there are other times when I feel like I just want to throw it in and leave. My commute isn't helping my stress levels, so I'm looking at moving closer to work very soon, so maybe that will help. Thank you for the advice so far, though. I feel so much less alone as a result :)

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  • Wow, you have already come so far! Finding a job and moving to a new place is hard for anyone! You are obviously more capable than you realise or you wouldn't of got the job! How about start by being kind to yourself, you explain your situation so articlulately, give yourself a chance. Everyone gets the jitters before starting a new job and your Mum and Dad and your doggy will love you unconditionally, Amazing support you have on your side! Sounds like you have had anxiety for some time, have you seen your doctor? I found that by accepting the panic when it came really helpful, as it took the power out of it. Also, these days I do yoga, the breathing exercises are great. I think with the panic it's finding what works best for you. I tried all sorts of stuff, medication, hypnosis, shutting myself away, taking 6 months off work cause I thought I was going barmy! You know what you are not alone, on this site someone will relate. If you decide to stick it out and give the job a whirl, you may find you like it, if not you can can go home. Whatever you decide is the right thing for you now. i wish you much happiness, sending you calm happy thoughts. Xxxxxxxxxxx

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