People say with agoraphobia you need to go out and expose yourself in order to get better... I haven't been out of my house in 4 days now. 4 days ago I went to vote - it lasted a few minutes only, I felt like I was about to pass out, I barely even remember who I voted for and ran out... my mom had do drive me there even though it's literally 5 minutes walking away from my house. That same evening I decided to take a little walk with my brother and the dog - the walk lasted for maybe 10 minutes, we were walking very slowly (the dog is an avid sniffer) and I felt like it lasted for what was about a whole eternity. I just couldn't wait to get back home, it was terrible from the second I stepped out the door until I came back home. Even though I have struggled with agoraphobia for years now, somehow I always managed to make it - I'd just tell myself "I'm going for a walk" and I was out the door, suffering panic attack after panic attack but fighting it like a lion. Now I just don't see a purpose anymore. I feel everything is stupid. I don't have absolutely anywhere to go and no place to be - why should I go and walk around aimlessly? I see pictures of other people on social media all the time - they're on vacation, or walking around, or going for coffee, or doing whatever, just having fun, dressing up, looking good and doing normal, every day things. I cannot explain this feeling inside of me, but I literally feel like all of that is just STUPID. It sounds so ignorant, I know, but it's still how I feel. I see that stuff and I'm just like "why would you do that?" or "why would you go there?" and I just never want to leave this house ever again. My brother is constantly trying to get me to go out, subtly, saying stuff like "hey wanna go to the store with me" or "wanna take a walk" and I always just angrily chase him away from me. I pretend I'm fine in front of the whole family even though all I want to do is cry. I am terrified - of living. I love to pretend this is life now and nothing else can be, just me, and my computer, and tv shows, movies, YouTubers and what not.
Agoraphobia came back and moved into my ho... - Anxiety Support
Agoraphobia came back and moved into my house with me...
Sweetlollie, I spend every day sitting at home watching people walking by, I go to the shop with my hubby, and sit in the car, ready to burst into tears, cause I really love shopping, I want to do it, but I cant, so I envy all these women walking by. I can relate to how your feeling, Today, I feel weak, and my feet are numb and tingling, I just want to sit on my computer, watch the soaps, and relax...but guess what.. I cant relax..like you I smile and put on my happy face, but inside I am dying, want to cry,I Have never felt as bad in my life before...I see no end to this..life has no meaning for me..How I would really love to have you beside me.for a chat..someone who understands this awful illness we have to live with..you are not alone, I am thinking of you...Take care love Miarose xxxx
Send me a private message and let's talk xxxxx
I am exactly like I you... I love shopping, I have a whole list of things I have to buy but I can't go out and actually buy them, it hurts so bad... I send my mom to buy me everything... and I also just want to relax but simply cannot, I can't even sleep, this is no way to live... I am so envious because most of you people I have talked to mentioned the word "husband" meaning there is someone who promised to spend the rest of their life with you and I don't have that, I don't have anyone like that, I'm by myself...
Hi Sweetlolly11
One sentence in your post tells me why you are stuck. You say you went out, had panic attacks after panic attacks and fought it like a lion. That is where you are going wrong. You fought it. To recover, you must do the exact opposite and be passive towards those thoughts and feelings. Let them come, let them have their say, let them frighten you to death. To recover you need to Float through it all or putting it another way ( I struggled with the meaning of floating) adjust your attitude so that you are comfortable about being uncomfortable. That does not mean you don't have to like it, but carry on with the walk. If your mind and body screams for you to turn around and run home, do the opposite and carry on but do it willingly. I know this is asking a lot but you have it within you to do this. To accept all the thoughts and feelings and carry on. You are continuing to suffer because you are trying to fight your way to recovery and is a battle you will never win, simply because there is no battle to fight.
We all have this power within ourselves to learn acceptance and carry on. It isn't exclusive to Superwoman or GI Jane. We all possess an inner power to recover. You have just got to tap into it. to recover. Do me a huge favour go go out with your brother, ignore what your anxiety is saying to you and do the opposite. It follows you home because it thrives on avoidance. It is the very thing that keeps it alive inside you. Starve it out of existence by taking it with you when you go out.
I see why you misunderstood me... I didn't mean I fought the panic attacks, I fought the disease itself. It is all too familiar for me to just go out and suffer until they stop coming and I feel okay and at ease and then I go home. I used to go out and sit by myself on a bench for hours until I felt comfortable and then I'd stroll back home. That was back when I had the motivation to do so. Now there is none. I am not afraid of being outside, I do not want to go outside anymore or live life or do anything, and if I do anything against that, I feel horrible. My problem is internal, something is wrong and I don't know what it is. My panic attacks are not situational (usually, but sometimes they are) and they stem from something inside me that I cannot fully figure out myself.
I get you but fighting also means trying to figure it all out, trying to find the elusive answer to make all those feelings go away but they won't because you are trying to do something about it. It is the "trying" that is keeping the anxiety alive, whether it is agoraphobia, OCD, Gad or any other label given to anxiety.
I have a favourite quote taken from a person who recovered from anxiety and it it "You won't get better until you stop trying to get better." It's true as well. You have to give up the fight and change your attitude towards what you are thinking and feeling. Change it from "what if ?" to "so what!!!"
Does this make it any clearer? Just trying to help you. ❤️
It would benefit me greatly to be able to focus on anything other than this. I have been by myself all my life (mentally, emotionally I mean) and I am in sync with everything I am feeling, thinking etc., I just know myself better than most people know themselves. And it's frustrating like this. You are right, I should try to forget it and just live but I can't, there's nothing left for me to do in life but worry. :/
I think you need to keep moving forward, no matter what mental pain you might feel doing it. Don't waste any energy on feeling sorry for yourself. It gets you nowhere. you will continue to focus on yourself unless you make some effort to get out there. Anxiety has become your habit which can be broken but you have to get out there and do normal things, taking the anxiety with you and do it repeatedly. Don't avoid anything. If anxiety tells you to do or not do something, you must do the opposite. Gradually, the fog will lift and other interests will start creeping in and the habit will weaken. Gradually your tired mind and body will be given the space and time to recover but sitting at home dwelling upon your habit means you will never lose your grip on anxiety.
I think that going out and just sitting on a bench until the panic attacks stop is no motivation to want to go out. What fun is that? All you are doing is focussing on the fact that you are experiencing a bad time, and it has not killed you. So next time you think of going out you remember that the payoff was a panic attack and a boring time. Why not plan something more exciting for after the attack wears off, such as trying something new like cycling, skipping, dancing, go to a museum, viit the library, whatever is your thing. That way you are actually gaining positive memory, which will help you be excited about your next trip, not disinterested. Going for a walk with your brother is not going to do it, as you will feel he is responsible for helping you rather than you helping yourself. Unless that is he is willing to join in some activity of your choice, is he?
That's the thing, I don't find any pleasure in going anywhere, especially not lately... Ever since I was a child all my favorite activities included staying AT HOME and BY MYSELF: I always used to draw, play, watch cartoons etc. and all of that by myself and I was the happiest child doing that. I have depression ever since I was 12 - that's the time you usually hit puberty and wean off from your parents and family and spend more time with friends and love interests. I do not have any particularly good memories after that - it's been alcohol, tobacco and some drug using, depressed me, depressed friends, all we ever did was get into trouble and do stupid things or just hang out at someone's place and again do things INDOORS. I do not have any hobbies or interests outside - I used to sing, write songs and stories, paint, listen to music etc. And all my friends are far away from me and I can't just go and visit them. Do you see my problem - even when I wasn't sick I didn't enjoy much outside, and I especially do not enjoy it now. I don't see a point in leaving my house, ever.
I do understand. Right now I feel much the same way. I cannot enjoy my days off, or think about where to go on holiday. I use my days off to do housework and rest. Today I got as far as walking the dog up the road, and would not have done that if she had not pestered me. I am missing out on so much, but just get stressed trying to organise myself. For me I think a lot of the problem comes from being around family who all want to comment on my choices, mostly negatively. I have been feeling low and try to avoid confrontation and negativity, but by avoiding it I am becoming a hermit. I also have low self-esteem so feel guilty at enjoying myself.
I did develop my own interests after my divorce, though it took a friend to encourage me to join in a course which then led to other things. I also joined a gym, and once there was no negative husband around making disparaging remarks, I really enjoyed it. I have spent a lot of my life playing second fiddle to men, who take my energy and time, then complain I am boring. As a single woman I found I could actually do far more than I had expected. I thought finally I could be me, then moved back home only to find my Dad played the same games. Perhaps it is time to either move away again, or learn to ignore people better.
Oh Sweetlolly11 and miarose You two ladies remind me of myself, I have dipped into being the same as you on and off through out my life and it's strange that Beevee is now replying in her normal caring and so practical way by advising you of the ONY way to be free of these demons, FI last Friday there was a meal in an Italian restuarant for my grandaughter who started Uni today I had anxiety whip me again and again all through out the day and 100s of times I thought of excuses of what I could say to get out of going although I wanted to go the fear told me no stay at home.. your safer it is more comfortable stay at home just in case.. in case of what I don't know but I am sure you know what I mean.. BUT I went and yes the fear whipped again and again however I let it whip but kept on chatting with my family and just enjoying the meal and in the end I did it and was so so thankful that I didn't give in to the ''what if's'' we are our own jailers in a prison of our own making I came across a book yesterday and have downloaded a sample to my kindle it is Dropping the Struggle: Seven Ways to Love the Life You Have by Roger Housden will let you know how I get on with it goodluck ladies xxx
Very good Pat9. So true too. You have let all the crap be there, accept), with as little resistance as possible. Take it with you and carry on with your day. It may not feel like it, but your mind and body are recovering behind the scenes but you have to do nothing about the thoughts and feelings. You can do it.
I almost missed my cousin's wedding, you can read all about that in my previous posts it was a whole drama over it, but I am SO glad I told my anxiety to shut up and went because it was a beautiful wedding, not like any I've experienced before, very unique and absolutely lovely. I wish I was healthy to have enjoyed it properly, but this was okay too, just being there and experiencing it was great 
So I know how you feel! x
Watching the first episode of Cold Feet right now. It is reminding me that life is worth living.
what's it about? x
Just life, and that it doesn't stop just because bad things happen. And it is funny and it made me laugh.
And a bit sad too, but it will be ok, I hope.
Is it this show?
The sequel. Go to ITV player.
is it for free?
Sugar, don't watch episode 2. One of the characters has depression and it is a bit rough. Well watch it if you want, but be warned.
Yes, unless you count having to watch the adverts as paying for it.
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