I feel like the odd one out al...

[Annielane]

I feel like the odd one out all the time. I'm the boring friend. Im the third wheel and the person that no one invites to anything. Sometimes I think my intrusive thoughts are getting better, but then I walk into a room and get left out or ignored and my mind starts battling itself again and I see no hope or positive future and I try to argue with my thoughts because I logically that's not true and that it will get better but my scary thoughts win over and I feel guilty and lost and broken and empty and why are things so hard? Why can't I be happy?! Was it something I did? Is it my fault!? Is everything my fault!? Why am I even here!? I'm pointless and terrible and there's nothing.. I don't know how to be happy. Happiness doesn't seem real anymore. Just some myth.

[Agora1]

Hi Annielane, there seems to be depression and a lost of self esteem in your post. You seem to be questioning your self worth. I'm sure you are not the boring friend or the third wheel. I think when you turn around your negative thoughts and become confident in who you are, you will draw friends into your circle. No one wants to be with a "downer". Become more positive about yourself and you will find how this changes the way others perceive you. My best to you x

[vpra]

I feel exactly the same and have done all my life. I've never fitted in..ever. I tried and failed miserably and now just keep myself to myself.

[Annielane in reply to vpra]

I'm so sorry you're also struggling with this. Don't give up! I'm sure things will get better for us soon!

[Agora1]

Annielane, Just a P.S. to my first reply and that is I never reply to something I haven't experienced myself. At one time, I was the person who was boring and introverted and didn't have any friends. Never was invited to parties, even when I threw the party myself only 3 people showed. It hurts and it hurts bad. I thought I was meant to be unhappy and alone forever. Until one day when I decided I had to turn things around. It didn't take long to become a person I never thought was inside me. I literally blossomed to an extrovert, a person who exhumed confidence and a friendly outgoing attitude. Always a smile on my face and learned to listen to others. The proof was when I went to my high school reunion and no one was really sure who I was. What a compliment. I hadn't changed what I looked like, I had changed who I was, who I portrayed. I boldly sat at the table with the cheerleaders (the click). I fit in now, my personality and my self esteem. We are the only ones responsible for our happiness. It's there inside of us waiting to come out.

[Annielane in reply to Agora1]

That's so cool that you were able to do that. Thank you for the encouragement.. I'll do my best!

[MattBuckland]

Hi Annielane

I feel exactly the same to the point where I have pretty much isolated myself for 8 years. Have started to realise with help that my biggest problem is low self esteem and self hatred. Starting to learn to be kind to myself which is taking effort and have made it a rule that I don't push remaining people away and make an active effort to keep these relationships going as it is a two way process. I think Agora1's advice and story are great, and might be how it will work for you. Myself I am coming to terms (very early days) with the fact that I am a quiet person who enjoys being around people, not everyone is an extrovert, this does not make you boring.

It sounds like learning to love yourself is going to be a tough lesson, but in my humble opinion fixing that has to be a priority if the other things are to happen.

Good luck, love to know how you are getting on.

Matt

[Annielane in reply to MattBuckland]

Thank you Matt. I'm sorry that you've felt the same. Good luck to you too!