Can you see a way out?

Hello, been having anxiety and depression for over 4 yrs now. I feel like this is my fault. I've been in therapy twice (1yr and 2yrs) and just recently stopped the 2nd one. My therapist told me she could only accompany me and could not do things for me, while my issue is that I can't take charge of myself; I also thought I was already doing a lot. Every time I got to the root of my problem it became too overwhelming and I don't know how to deal with it and go through the other side.

I've been told CBT doesnt get to the root of problems (mine involve family history) so I feel this is not an answer either. I'm not going back to talk therapy because I feel a bit betrayed and I feel this will be the same thing over again (=failure).

All I hear myself saying is "oh it's been that many yrs im like this", and I keep saying this every year without proper change. I'm starting to isolate more, eat and drink more as I'm starting not to see a way out.

I do really thing it comes from me and whatever I do it won't work.

What is your insight on this?

Thanks!

9 Replies

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  • Hey there. Yes, I can see a way out!

    I was severely depressed for 4 years and nothing would help: Prozac failed from the start and Zoloft made me suicidal after a couple of weeks of treatment. My therapist was an idiot who probably hated her job and exercising didn't help that much. I can suggest a couple of things you can try, that worked for me:

    1. Accept that it happened and let it be. This sentence encompasses so much! Try to read it out loud and really make sense of it.

    2. Saint John's Wort. It sounds like just an auxiliary, weak treatment for depression, but it's actually more efficient than those made in a lab. Your doctor won't suggest it because it's so widely available and if all the anxious and depressed people would use it, the pharmaceutical industry would lose 14.6 billion $ yearly. So yeah, trust me on this one and give St. John's Wort a try. It works after the second day or so and the way it works is it doesn't allow you to go down the rabbit hole or panic. Seriously, try to make yourself panic or be really depressed after the second day on St. John's Wort and see if you can.

    3. Postponing it (this is from helpguide.com, which is a very helpful site for anxiety and depression):

    "Create a “worry period.” Choose a set time and place for worrying. It should be the same every day (e.g. in the living room from 5:00 to 5:20 p.m.) and early enough that it won’t make you anxious right before bedtime. During your worry period, you’re allowed to worry about whatever’s on your mind. The rest of the day, however, is a worry-free zone.

    Postpone your worry. If an anxious thought or worry comes into your head during the day, make a brief note of it and then continue about your day. Remind yourself that you’ll have time to think about it later, so there’s no need to worry about it right now.

    Go over your “worry list” during the worry period. If the thoughts you wrote down are still bothering you, allow yourself to worry about them, but only for the amount of time you’ve specified for your worry period. If they don’t seem important any more, cut your worry period short and enjoy the rest of your day.

    Postponing worrying is effective because it breaks the habit of dwelling on worries when you’ve got other things to do, yet there’s no struggle to suppress the thought or judge it. You simply save it for later. And as you develop the ability to postpone your anxious thoughts, you’ll start to realize that you have more control than you think."

    I hope this helps.

  • Thank you dear. I've read about the "worry time" as well, I will try and give it a go and will keep in mind your other solutions.

    Thank you for taking the time to answer me :)

  • IsitMe2 :I'm trying your "worry time" period for a couple of days now, seems like some of the worries I have during the day I don't care about them during my worry time. I am currently im my worry time, 5mins left haha. Thanks for the tip.

    What sticks is that I'm worried I will not make it as I need to let go of repressed emotions but they are too overwelming for me when letting go happens. If I don't do this I will never move on with life. I'm very scared and worried about that, been trying for those 4yrs to do that.

    Do you guys have some ideas? Are there more people on this website who overcame anxiety and depression, can they point out some other tips ??

    WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED :)

    Thx

  • Feel like my thoughts stay stuck in my mind and when I want to express them it's like i'm being beat up or something, there's a huge block and I can't let it out. Or sometimes it unblocks but it feels so vulnerable or I just have this big realization that I'm really miserable and I get really scared and hold it back.

    I also have this huge block that prevents me from building relationships.

    I'm worried worried about all of this :)

  • Also when I try to change it and go against it I just feel it blocks things even more (which is what happens lately as I feel myself more drawn back to isolation and more scared)

  • You'll get through this. My anxiety and depression laster a long time and it was so bad, I thought I'd never be normal again and I am! I was so anxious, I developed lots of phobias at some point, stupid ones like I was afraid to take showers and eat and being alone because what if something happened to me and no one would be there to help me. I even bothered a neighbor one day to stay with me, thinking I was going to die or something. I was so afraid I was going to kill myself, that I kept thinking about it. But you don't want to cease being, you just want it to go away and be normal again. Well.... that's the first mistake. You know how your therapist and all these anxiety forums advise you to accept it instead of wishing it away? What that really means is, you have to get into the mindset of "I suffer because of my past which will never change. I don't have to be normal, it is OK that I have anxiety and it's OK that I have these thoughts. So what. Bring it on!" And then when you have an anxiety attack or depression episode, DON'T try to calm yourself down and regulate your heartbeat, but instead jump or run or do something, because you're full of adrenaline during an anxiety attack and running will help not only release the energy, but also accept how you feel.

    There's another thing you can try: When you're hit, scan for uncomfortable energies inside your body and analyze them without wishing them out. Like knots in your throat or stomach, or buzzing in your head. Observe them and stay with them until they lose power over you. This is better described in this self-help program you can get online for free: MC2 Method. It's such great help!

    Most importantly, don't try to make your thoughts go away. Accept them and it's OK to think about them with acceptance. Example: "This thing that happened in the past, It's OK that it happened and I CAN LIVE WIHT IT. I can still be happy, even if I'm down so often. It is my life and these feelings grant me humanness. They are not dangerous as they do not exist, they're the result of the thoughts created by my own mind, which also generates the love and the compassion - they are all just human feelings".

    If you listen to the MC2 Method, it explains there how we only perceive sadness, anxiety, unhappiness, etc. as negative feelings, when in fact, if two people ride a rollercoaster for example, what one perceives as excitement, is pure fear for the other. But it's the same energy. Same with happiness and sadness: what's normal to the spider is chaos to the fly. So accept whatever you feel and even appreciate it for making you experience the human life on a full spctrum.

    PS - I'm sorry I've been absent over the weekend. I'll check more often.

  • Also look for the book Proof Of Heaven by Eben Alexander - it's not a religious book; I am not religious at all. It helped me get over many fears and gave me hope that I'm not alone; none of us are.

  • Hey,

    You will say I'm a downer but for me I feel I'm just not like others as I CANNOT let go of my feelings, so much that anxiety feels more like a block than a feeling. It's my dearest wish to be able to be myself, act like myself, and feel like myself but I cannot let go of anything and I'm not sure why.

    Recently I got extremely anxious while talking face to face with a friend, but I kept acting like a perfect person, I thought I need to stop acting perfect and tell her about it so I tried a little, but I'm just so afraid of people's reactions, and I am also extremely afraid of my feelings when I face my inner truth....Actually on the same idea, every time I feel more open to others, more in touch with myself and in control of myself I just get hit by reality (I think I've been too much in my bubble in the past) and it feels extremely overwelming and I don't know what to do with it and don't want to feel it because I don't think I can survive it (well I guess I can).

    This is what worries me because I know that if I don't I will (well I don't) never move on with life, live my life, have relationships etc. I'm still acting like a child although I know when I act like an adult I feel better, but when I do let go I feel overwelmed by a void, by my negative feelings, etc. it just comes very strongly.

    I do recognize myself in you thoug, when you say you were scared of killing yourself I do have that same feeling haha.

    I feel like maybe I'm repeating myself a bit here haha anyways. I started listening to the mc2 method as well. You've given me some good tips so far thank you ;)

  • iii guess ive been a little too negative =p

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