Losing myself in my marriage

I got married last year to a great guy but he comes from a very traditional family. I had to be very firm the first few months becauae he had a tendency to be very controlling. i should mention too that two days after the wedding my father passed away and i spiraled into this haze that i wasnt able to climb out of. I havent exactly been miserable but i just find it very hard to be excited about life anymore. Im also struggling with the fact that my husband has taken over every part of my life. He moved in onto my family farm and has basically claimed everything that was my fathers as his own. I have lived here my whole life and am quite capable of doing the work required to keep this place going but he just naturally assumes (and i dont think this is on purpose) that im a helpless female. He is incredibly talented in the trades and makes me feel very inadequate in everything i do and if i do something myself he keeps asking if he can help or he just takes over without asking. I have always been independant and have given up a lot of my dreams for this guy who i love very much but i have moments where im very clausterphobic with this relationship. I dont feel like an individual anymore, i am more or less his sidekick. Nothing is my own anymore. I have considered some night taking off for awhile to just get some breathing room but i know it would break his heart and ultimately lead to some serious problems between us. Advice?

2 Replies

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  • Hello

    I am sorry you have found yourself in this situation and I think the only way to go is sit him down and put your cards on the table because from how you sound if you do not get through to him how you feel and that things need to change somewhere down the line this will all go wrong in some way but if you get it sorted now then you can go on to have a very happy future :-)

    You say he has took over the farm and everything that was your Fathers , I hope legally though you have protected what sounds like the inheritance your Father has left you

    There is a think line in supporting your spouse and controlling and controlling relationships no matter how well intended will have a massive impact on the person that is been controlled it has to be 50/50 in any relationship

    I know you say this is how he has been brought up but he can make those changes and you need to be the one that makes it clear they need to be made

    I am so sorry about your loss of your Father , it sounds like you could be still grieving as well , have you thought about bereavement Counselling ?

    Marriages need working at , it is give and take , so do not feel guilty that you feel he is taking your identity from you and you need to claim it back , that is perfectly acceptable :-)

    Hope you manage to resolve this :-)

    Take Care x

  • Communication is key and tell him of your feelings. Marriage is about bringing a man and woman, as well as their families together. It's your first year of marriage, it's the hardest

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