First off, I want to say that you're strong - anyone would break given what we've gone through, but isn't it time to stop being scared of the dark?
Kids are scared of the dark, they have seperation anxiety and a big fear of just about anything that looks scary.
Fear is learnt though, outside of the basic survival of reading faces and seeing a snarling dog, a baby could be placed upon the edge of a 1000 ft cliff and not cry from fear of falling.
Do you remember what you were afraid of when you were young?
Maybe it was the dark, when all the lights went out and you couldn't see your hand in front of your face and you could hear footsteps in your room.
When you cried for a week thinking that your symptoms were life threatening and it ended up being anything but that.
Chances are, you still don't have those fears because you view them as illogical. Your mind has filed them away where they should be, and that's so far in the past that you never reach back and grab them to worry about it again. It's done.
Now tell me what's illogical.. a person telling themselves that they're going to die every day. A person fearing that they're going to fall or faint in front of strangers. A person who is so hell bent to protect a life of fear, that they don't even leave the house - or fret themselves sick every second. I've got to ask you, what are you protecting? What are you fighting for? What's so precious to you about living this way, that you're betting the farm that you'll feel X and therefore can't go anywhere.
You should be scared of falling into that trap! Break the cycle now. After I'm done typing this, I'm going to go out and walk around in the grocery store, I'm going to do what I fear. Because what I fear most is not panic attacks, PTSD, agoraphobia.. What I fear most is living another day under the same, ill thought conditions I was in the day before. What I fear is doing just what I was doing 29 minutes ago - moving my head around in my bathroom and trying to prep myself up and not be too dizzy to cook dinner and have a panic attack.
If you have fear, lets get our fear in order and start fearing the real giant, the wolf in sheeps clothing!
This life should scare you, not the life you used to have.
Go out, YOU just might have a near life experience tonight.
Take this with you,
2 Timothy 1:7