No confidence or satisfaction with who I've become

No confidence or satisfaction with who I've become

It's a very sad state to be in to say the least. I'm still struggling at my new job not getting much help and to be honest I really don't like the job. I really am not sure what I enjoy anymore. I used to enjoy singing but I'm not good at it so I don't like it anymore. I used to like to fix my hair and makeup and dress up a little it would make me feel better, but not anymore. I'm always scared. I get so nervous at my job I itch and also cried twice now. I cried so bad Friday I could hardly breathe. I'm not picking up on things but I need to work. Sometimes I feel my boyfriends cigarettes mean more than I do. I'm feeling pretty down. The anxiety symptoms are there every day some worse than others. Just not sure who I am what is my purpose where do I belong??? I have not turned out the way I wanted to. Instead I am a big mess😥 And in constant pain. Sorry I'm complaining but don't know what to do. That pic is the lonely tulip on the side of the house!🌷


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32 Replies

  • Hi Chubbers,  I like the Tulip, makes it look like Spring....  So where is all this down feeling coming from?  Nothing is worse than having to work and not liking your job. It sounds overwhelming.  Sounds like you are going from anxiety to depression.  It seems like a deep hole you are digging for yourself.  With the anxiety and being scared all the time, it has worn you out.  When you start asking yourself what your purpose is and not feeling like you belong, it's time for therapy or to up it.  How did you want to turn out?    It sounds like the constant pain is causing all your doubts to come to a head.   You are not complaining, you are venting to a group who will listen and not judge.  Will support and not criticize who you are.   Is tomorrow another work day or your Saturday off?  I wish I had the answer for you.   Thinking of you and wishing you      some  comfort  xxx

  • Today was my Saturday off. I am off tomorrow but have so much to do that I would rather stay in bed. Thank you for caring. I feel like my life has tired out. Well it is Spring here and there are bees and wasps outside ugh they scare me. I wang to feel normal or happy or whatever!!! 

  • Sorry, I thought it was Friday night.  :)

     I do care, you are such a nice person, I hate seeing you sad.  Is your dad okay?  Staying in bed tomorrow may help you physically but not emotionally.  I think it's just been too many things one on top of the other.  I hope you will make some "me" time for yourself because you deserve it.   Take care sweetie   xxx

  • I went to church and my cousins wedding shower today but felt too sick to go see my Daddy 😥. Tomorrow I go to that dreaded job for half a day then I have a pelvic ultrasound and dr appt and I'm scared 😥

  • I'm sure that was a lot to do today, both church and the shower.   Isn't crazy how we can only handle so much per day and even at that it causes distress.   Tomorrow sounds a little high stress with the doctor appointment.  I just recently had a pelvic ultrasound, that wasn't bad but the anticipation of the whole thing had me quivering.  Hopefully it will all turn out for the best.  I wish you well with the test and as always, I'll be thinking of you and sending positive relaxing thoughts your way.  xxx

  • Thank you! 💛 Yeah I'm nervous about that and that I'm not doin good at my job.  I'm tired but restless and my neck hurts. Also not feeling real again 😊

  • I understand the conflicting feeling of being so tired and yet restless at the same time.  As for the neck, that is my nemesis.   We both know that the stress of anxiety has done this to us.  I have often wondered about the not feeling real and how it comes into play.  I know it's anxiety but is it trying to protect us from something.  I just don't get it but know I hate it.  :(

  • I hate it too! Also the car accident and brace didn't help my neck. I'm afraid I will never feel normal 😥 I don't know about the unreal feeling either 

  • Hi. Please don't be so hard on ourself not everyone is the same & maybe you may Benifit  from counciling  I'm 78 & have several life threathing  heart failur / cronic kidney disease stage 3 am Anemia / osteoartirits/ artheritist  & so much pain which my family and friends think everyone should have certain amount of pain , which I don't agree with .& feel your worry I'm housebound but if you take the first step toward recovery see your GP & ask to be referred to  counciling in the mean time breath in 4 breaths via nose & 8 slowly trough mouth . Be positive & you deserve a happy life ,let us know how you are getting on.

    Warm regards 

    Peggy 🌹🌹🌹

  • Awww Peggy I'm praying for you! Sorry for my whining and complaining. You have a lot going on and I'm so sorry.😥 BIG HUGS!!! I feel so selfish. I wish I knew why God has me here. Anyway I'm trying my best. I'm just always so scared and nervous. I wish I could think positive but can't see the good 

  • hey i get you .........i put up a picture of a rose i like your tulip i am having the same kinds of feelings and struggles that you describe i dont think you are digging a hole for yourself no one wakes up and says i want to feel like crap today! Clothes and make up used to make me feel better about myself too you mentioned that you started a new job i imagine its full time that leaves you with very little energy to pay any attention to you i think anxiety can rob us of that feeling where you wear a little makeup and put something on that  you like im at the stage where i hate pretty much everything in my wardrobe none of it feels like ME and i dont know who the ME is either and have no money to go out and get new clothing. The combination of anxiety and depression can make you feel so hollow inside like youre a shell of the person you used to be and then you cant remember who you used to be anyway after awhile its an illness its not a personal defect thats all i can say i wont sugar coat it and say oh it gets better it just seems to wax and wane and shift and change but its all CRAP all of it. You end up in the same rat hole all the time thinking whats the point? Youre boyfriends addiction to his cigarettes will make you feel like they mean more to him than you do thats what an addiction does it is horrible being around someone who is consumed by their need for a drug or a fix for me my husband abuses food and i hate it makes me feel sick. watching him pig out on icecream and bad food all the time.  What is the job you are doing sounds like the environment is stressful for you anyway maybe we can chat soon i know what its like to have noone to talk to good thing you are on here

  • I'm training to be an Optician. I'm not doing well at it. I'm no good at selling leg alone glasses which to this point I've never worn. Yes it is full time. I had to switch careers after a car accident because my other job was tough on me physically.  I just got home from a wedding shower that caused great anxiety and my boyfriend is playing a video game 😥. I know I need to put God first but that's not easy either. My Dad is in a nursing home. I'm thankful he is alive. Wanted to visit him today but I was feeling downright horrible. I've had anxiety for at least 25 years if not longer. I just want to feel good so badly. 

  • chubbers what age are you i am 43

  • Almost 42

  • hey i like how you said i know i should put God first i do have a spiritual belief and youre right it is hard to do that God made us to be happy and to have a relationship with him but in this world we get broken and wrecked and doing that becomes incredibly challenging you sound like you have faith in God thats really good do you think it would help if you had an actual friend who was physically there to talk to not just online talking?

    have you found it hard to make and keep friends?

  • Yes it's hard to make and keep friends. I do have one lovely lady who does a bible study with me. I find it hard to keep up with my homework for that 😥 Cause I'm tired anxious and in pain. I have faith in God but I need total faith in Him yet I'm still anxious and afraid 

  • hey chubbers is the lady you are doing a bible study with a jehovahs witness? i am a Jehovahs witness keep up with the study it can really help ground you when there seems like there is nothing else to hold onto you know in this world the way it is now nothing is right but the bible says we can look forward to a time when we wont have these affliction......hang in there

  • No we are non denominationalChristian. I have studied with Jehovahs witnesses in the past! I do believe we have something more than we can imagine to look forward to!!! Sometimes it's hard to wrap your mind around! 

  • im feeling down too.........i said to my husband the other day do you sometimes feel like the best of the all years have gone by? I do i feel like i had my life and now at 43 i can feel the effects of ageing and it looks like its all down hill from here on in with not much to look forward to ive lived with severe PTSD for 20 years now and like you i feel tired out like im just totally depleted and any good i may have had is sucked out of me by life i think a lot of us can relate to those feelings

  • Hi dear,  just stopping by to say "hi".   Hope you're okay. Have a good evening  xxx

  • I am hangin in there. My Dad is in the hospital again. I'm in pain and never feel rested which makes every little task seem huge!!! Boyfriends brother who lives with us broke his hip had to have surgery and out of work 3 months. I'm trying to feel ok!!! I'm exhausted! Love and hugs! 💛

  • Chubber dear,  I know you are at work now but when you have some time in the evening, I'm embarrassed to say I must have missed what happened to your dad in the posts a while ago.   I sorry to hear about your boyfriend's brother breaking his hip.  That has to be sooo painful. I know you are trying to feel ok, I really do.  There just seems to be so much going on with  you right now.  You need to stay strong but I understand how that can be exhausting.  I'm glad to hear from you and hope it helps knowing I care.  xxx

  • It helps a lot knowing you care!!! More than you know! My Dad has been in the hospital and nursing home since October 30th. He hasn't walked since then. He has an autoimmune disease called Wegener's Granulomatosis Vasculitis. His kidneys are not working so he has dialysis 3 days a week. He is fed through a tube in his belly but now has some intestinal issues and uti. Anyway it's been a lot of stress! Almost lost him a few times 😥

  • Oh honey, I am so sorry.  My heart goes out to you and your family.  I can understand how much stress you are going through.  I will keep you in my thoughts and say a prayer for emotional healing.  Take care  xxx

  • Thank you sweetie! This anxiety and pain ugh....constant fear. Love and hugs to you 💛 

  • Hey Chubber i know what you mean about the not feeling rested i am pretty sure i run on an overdraft account most of the time i wake up and feel like nothing is recharching my sister suffers from fibro and sometimes chronic fatigue and anxiety so her and i can chat and understand each others struggles she actually works from home i hope youre Dad is ok, the one thing that keeps me going when there is a lot for me to do physically is to try and keep my nutrient level high i think you use up a lot more of them when youre on the go like you are do you have a vege garden?

  • I need to eat vegetables. I can't seem to find any I like enough to eat regularly. I apparently have fibro and so does my Mom. My sister has rheumatoid arthritis. Seriously I have to work today tomorrow and Saturday and I'm already exhausted from the past 3 days work. I wake up in the  morning feeling like I already worked all day 😥 Oh well take care and thanks for caring!!! 💛

  • Hi dear.   Is that an apparently new diagnosis?  I also have Fibro.  I do not find that it tires me but that constant pain with anything I do is there.  My neck is the worst.  Let me know if you might have an questions.  Sending you "gentle hugs".. (a Fibro greeting)   xxx

  • Well they diagnosed fibro  a while ago but I didn't wanna believe it so now I do with the pain I am in! I have a hard time with any exercise!! I need to exercise though! 

  • Years ago when I was diagnosed with Fibro, the rheumatologist told me the best exercise for me was water aerobics.  I ended up feeling so much better moving in the water.  Since I became agoraphobic six years ago, I no longer exercise and I am feeling it.    Wish you well  xxx

  • That's a good idea if I can get courage to get out as well! And find somewhere that has water aerobics during times I don't work. Also have fear of exercising 😥

  • We are so much alike.  I too have been afraid of exercising, don't want to strain my heart.  And yet, I'm doing more harm by staying in and not moving around as much. Because of my fear of exercising, my water aerobics was done at the Fitness Center at the hospital my doctors belong to.  I felt safe in knowing help was right there if it ever came to that.  Nothing ever happened except my feeling better and better (pain wise) .   Hope you find somewhere you feel comfortable.   xxx

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