Has anyone taken this medication for their anxiety?

I went through a traumatic time in 2012. My nan died and my brother caused horrific anxiety to me and my family with his violence. My life changer over night. Anxiety and agoraphobia. My gp after 6 months advised meds so I tried one that I had an adverse reaction to. I hate meds but I agreed to try mirtazapine. I was on 7.5mg for 8 months. It helped me sleep again after months of no sleep at all. As a mother to 3 children I was desperate to sleep and feel less anxious so that's why I took it. By the December it pooped put working so I silly agreed to increase to 15mg. It again helped and I felt less anxious and my mood lifted. I was very tearful and upset alot about what my brother caused and how much I changed since having anxiety. I had cbt and things improved.  

I was always a tiny frame. I'm 5ft tall. I'd always been about 6 stone. Which was very very underweight. I didn't have an eating disorder but I had a poor relationship with food. I was a busy mum and never ate. Stress with my external family turned me off food. So mirtazapine definitely helped me eat better, I finally had an appetite. I'd always been a tiny frame as are my siblings. Fast metabolism, eat what we want and not gain weight type people you hate lol! After 2 years I weight 8 stone 12lbs. So I gained just under 3 stone. I felt huge!!!!!! Thanks fully I've managed to get my weight down to 8 stone 4lbs but I have hit a stumbling block and can't lose anything at all.  

I eat a very healthy diet. I eat no rubbish. I follow a healthy vegetarian diet. I was eating crap when first on mirt as I had sugar cravings. I don't now yet I can't lose anything. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. the weight is all around my thighs, bum and tummy. I hate it. It gets me down alot.  

My gp doesn't advise I come off it yet but it's been 3 years since I started it at the 7.5mg and just over 2 years since on the 15mg. My gp says I don't know they aren't helping until I wean off but he doesn't recommend I do as I currently have hypothyroidism and can knocking me about and my physical health issues have caused my anxiety to return with all the worry about my health. I worry I will be stuck on these forever afraid to withdraw. Withdrawal terrifies me but I also hate being on a chemical every day that I don't think does anything for me now. I am happy and content in my life. I still have some residue anxiety and at times agoraphobia but they've mainly flared up again due to my health problems. It's so frustrating. I want my brain chemical free and my naturally slim body back. I feel torn, Mirtazapine has given me a healthy appetite, where as all my adult life i was so painfully thin and couldn't gain weight, I never slept after the traumatic time i went through and I had horrible high anxiety and scary intrusive thoughts. This was all triggered by my extended families behaviour. I am now relaxed, occasionally anxious and I do still struggle to socialise alone and do appointments but I had overcome those fears like i say they only returned due to my recent physical ill health. If I come off I run the risk of my anxiety returning, my mood dipping, insomnia and poor appetite. It's hard to know what to do for the best. I am now very content and happy but is that because I have cut out the family that hurt us? is it because we are closer now and anxiety has infact made my life better for going through the tough times? If i came off I might well be fine as I am over the traumatic time, cut out the violent people I had in my life and am extremely loved and content with my husband and children.

I also worry mirtazapine has caused my hypothyroidism and my recent HBA1C test for diabetes was high end of normal. GP wasn't worried as it's normal but it concerned me with it being 40 in the normal range of 20-41 with no family history. He tested me due to fatigue. 

I have no real side effects of mirt but it does make me heavily sedated often, I feel like a zombie some days with low energy. I swear it triggered my chronic fatigue syndrome. Then then weight gain but other than that no side effects to my knowledge. I fear withdrawing as I have heard it's terrible coming off mirt, especially after 3 years. Can anyone reassure me? 

Sorry for the ramble, I am so unsure of what to do. My husband and GP think I should stay on it as despite the agoraphobia troubling me again with the physical health issues I am happy and content now.

I did have an anxious personality since i was a child but i lived a normal life. Holidays abroad, i went to uni, had children.... I never battled agoraphobia or intrusive thoughts that caused panic attacks until my brother turned very violent (he has BPD) and he attacked my husband randomly infront of our children. I cut him off, he a year later chased me in his car and i ran into a police station for help where he was arrested and thrown in a cell. My mother and sisters cut me off saying I was a terrible person for cutting him off and dividing the family. They made my life hell in 2013 telling me i had to forgive him or they'd make sure my mum never spoke to me again etc... it was awful. My nan passed a few months before all of this too and we were incredibly close. I am over it now, I had therapy for what they did to me, I don't relive any of it and I keep well away from my family despite my mother and sisters last year asking if they could be back in my life and apologising. I keep them at arms length and we aren't close at all. I rarely see them, when I do have to that is when i feel incredibly anxious. I know I am doing what's right to protect my children and myself from any further suffering. I have wonderful friends and other family that stuck by me and supported me completely. They all warned me how toxic my family were but i ignored their warnings. I am thankful I now have a content and happy life despite the anxiety i still at times suffer from.

Sorry to offload there, i feel in a pickle of what to do meds wise and felt I needed to get out how I feel. I hope this is ok.



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