I actually left work early today because i couldn't cope with the physical symptoms I was having, of course the anxiety came galloping on the heels of every single symptom but the symptom did come first. I have been having this pressure/discomfort/pain in the center of my chest, upper abdomen and back and today it just feels so much more present and worse. I'm dizzy, nauseated with neck and jaw pain, all things I have been experiencing but usually not all in one big knotted together batch. I know that google is horrible for looking up things but i just wanted some sort of reassurance that this was anxiety or esophageal chest pain or something but everything I look at that starts to say that says "but if you are having chest pain with dizziness or jaw or back pain or nausea call 911 because these are signs of a heart attack".
My dad has had 2 heart attacks and a stent that failed. I wore a holter monitor 2 years ago for two weeks, had an ekg a month ago and had a stress test about 3 weeks ago but i am still having all of these symptoms that are getting worse instead of better. I saw my doctor again on Wednesday and she said everything looked fine and that there was nothing to worry about but how can i not worry when i am in so much pain? I am fighting every urge in my body not to go straight to the ER right now or to call the nurse line my insurance offers (i called it with similiar, not quite the same, symptoms a month ago and they told me to go to the ER where the doctors ran some tests, said "you're only 31!" and diagnosed me with "chest pain: uncertain cause", that is literally what it said on my discharge paperwork). How do you know when its a real emergency or not any more? i feel like i wont know and then i wont go get help and that will be it for me, which terrifies me, but at the same time i am so upset, worried and depressed all the time that i keep having these suicidal blips flash through my brain with more and more frequency lately.
I am in therapy, I try to practice mindfulness, i have anxiety plans that i do my best to follow, i am on medication. What more is there?? I'm never hungry anymore, i'm losing weight which is good because i need to but i wish it was because i was living a healthier life, instead its because i'm either nauseated or scared to eat because i'm worried about the amount of salt or fat or cholesterol in everything and it increasing my chance or heart disease. I don't feel well enough to exercise 95% of the time and when i do i get scared that the slightest thing will trigger a heart attack immediately or during the night and that no one will believe or help me if that happened.
I see my GI doctor on Monday to talk about my symptoms because she said that she wanted to wait and see the results of the stress test etc. Maybe some of this right now is because it's that time of the month but i'm feeling so completely defeated, broken down and hopeless that writing on here seemed like the only thing i could do to at least try to release some of it. Does anyone know if there are anxiety hotlines? I know they have suicide ones but, despite part of this post, that is not really what i need. I know that so many people suffer with things like this and things much worse but i just feel like i can't get my head above water anymore.
Heart or panic?
Ugh :(
