So scared

[apayett24]

I'm so scared my mind is so bad I look in the mirror and and see a stranger I feel so unreal and out of it so badly I don't know what to do does anyone else feel like this I also feel like my heart is racing but it's 60 bpm 

[Agora1]

Yes, I have felt like that and have also looked in the mirror and saw a stranger looking back.  It's all a part of our anxiety disorder.   I've checked my pulse and blood pressure when I've felt strange and was surprise the vitals came back normal.  So it is anxiety playing with our minds.  Sometimes medication can cause this feeling.  It's a terrible feeling to experience I know.  One day this will all be behind you...

[apayett24 in reply to Agora1]

I wish I would vet better already I feel like everynight I'm losing my Memory it's so scary but knowing I'm not the only one feeling like this helps a lot 

[Agora1 in reply to apayett24]

You are not losing your mind.  I think anyone who goes through the

distress of anxiety feels this way because a lot of times there is no

way to really express what we are feeling.    You are not the only one.

[apayett24 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you it helps I'm just so scared of forgetting everything 

[Andypandy30 in reply to Agora1]

Hi agora what's going on with me . I have underactive thyroid ? Perimenopausal and think I'm low in iron just had heavy bleeding for 2 weeks . My ferriton levels were 14 4 weeks ago . I started to take a multivitamin with iron daily but not sure if in getting enuf .i know I have to go get bloods done again but u know I find it hard to go out . With help of med I can but exhausts me . This cycle has been going on for a year . Some days I have strength to fight others I dont . How did I end up like this . Will it never get better . It's so unfair . Iv done everything doc has asked me . Was on cipralex for ten years had a useless doctor who never reviewed this and I was scared to come off them. It took a thyroid crisis last year To change things for me . Still trying to get that stable . Then hormones all over place so don't know if that affects me . So they say ? Perimenopause . New doc who's not much better started me on sertraline 50 then told me to increase to 75 now wants me to increase to 100 and im scared to do that . But each time I feel like this . Hopeless alone can't get up in morn anxious throughout day . Struggling to cope I think I shoukd . I'm scared of taking meds I don't know if they've changed me or it's the anxiety and depression . I just want to feel normal again . Having fluttering in heart at min so don't know if it's iron problem or thyroid problem . I know best thing is to get checked . But it is the worry of going out . And where do I find friends have little family support and no one seems to understand . I was ok last week because I was able to rest up due to school holidays . Now my daughter is bk to school im finding it tough again . I thought I'd be better by now . Please advise Iv put a few posts up with no reply im losing hope and crying a lot this morn x

[Agora1 in reply to Andypandy30]

Hi dear,  just saw  your post now.  Let me grab a yogurt and get right back too you.....

[Agora1 in reply to Andypandy30]

Hi Andypandy,  It sounds like you have medical issues going on along with the anxiety.  Which came first doesn't matter right now, they all need to be addressed so you can feel normal again.  We are all afraid of taking meds so I know what you are feeling.  They do change you to a degree since they work on the chemicals of the brain.  It's a win/lose situation in that the meds make you capable of going out but cause tiredness and a sensation that you are slow moving.  The fluttering in your heart right now is most likely from the adrenaline release from your anxiety.  I understand not having friends or family support.  It is so difficult for someone to understand something that goes on and on and doesn't seem to get better.  (But it will)  It just makes it harder by not having the support around you.  I hope you are following up with your doctor(s).  That is all important. More than having rested up during the school holidays, maybe it was more that you didn't have any commitments which relieved you..  Now school being back in session the what ifs probably kicked in.   All this because of anxiety. It is a bear to fight but a lamb if you embrace it.  Are you in therapy of any sort at the moment?  Because of my agoraphobia, I was able to find a therapist who does phone therapy.  You need someone qualified to help you through this with other coping skills besides medication.  The meds are to get you over this slump that you are in right now.  In the end, it will be the skills you learn that will help you win.   xx  

[Andypandy30]

Hi agora Iv missed it reassurance im gonna be bk in ten mins too x

[Andypandy30 in reply to Andypandy30]

Thank u agora I like the ref to the lamb and the bear . Yes I think ur rite I had commitments at home with my daughter but not outside where I feel most anxious . I could do things at my own pace without stress . I have been trying to follow up with doc as I overanalyse what is wrong with me prob a bit of health anxiety . And because I find it hard to get there . Well I took the initiative tday and rang and the horrible receptionist who causes me so much stress every time I ring I told her even tho it was only 4 weeks since my last blood test I was symptomatic and would like to get checked this week . She said last bloods were satisfactory they weren't !! And doc had written 6 weeks to be rechecked well I know my own body and I know Wen I need checked . Tried to give me one for 2 weeks time well Iv had enuf of her cheek and have decided to change docs  if I can find some photographic Id . Somewhere closer . It's too stressful dealing with that woman . I am worried about increasing antidepressant Im not sure if tgeyre going to help or not and slow yes I def am x

[Andypandy30]

To add Iv found a cbt therapist student tho as the qualified ones are 80 pounds an hour . Only had 2 sessions and she comes to me . Have only talked about past so far and don't like it or way I feel after . I really need the coping skills x

[Agora1 in reply to Andypandy30]

Andypandy,  At one time, when I was at my worse, I had 2 psychology students come to my home twice a week for 6 weeks.  They were near graduation and had to do their thesis.  It was the best because they were truly interested in everything I said.  When I would break down and cry and shake, they were right there showing and teaching me coping skills.  Now as for not liking the way you feel w/cbt, that' not unusual.  It was my phone therapist who did cbt and I hated every minute of it.  I wondered if it was doing me any good (at the time) because I felt worse after the sessions.  So I picked it apart and started to wonder why it was so hard for me to accept.

Well I figured out it takes a lot of work from my end. I didn't like feeling pushed in doing something and yet if I didn't, I would probably stay immobile for the rest of my life.   Now may cbt doesn't work for you right now, but there are other modalities that can be taught to help you cope. Keep an open mind to what's out there as well as what others on this forum use.  Make your mind like a sponge to grasp new ideas and treatments.  But don't feel down if something doesn't work for you.  Pick and choose what's best for you.   Like the last line of a poem I wrote make "I think I can turn into I knew I could"    Have a good day  

[Andypandy30 in reply to Agora1]

Thank u agora are you able to manage bit more now and what meds work for u wat did u think of the receptionist story?

[Agora1]

I do manage more but not enough yet in getting out.  I still don't care to leave home if I don't have to but I do try.  I got myself off of all benzos which for me, helped immensely.  I am clear minded and more energetic.  I am still on 15 mg  Lexapro after lunch.  My other drug of choice is my chocolate bar that makes me feel happy.

As for the receptionist story, I find that sad that people take jobs that they shouldn't be in.  Working in a hospital, working for a doctor takes empathy toward people who are in need.  It angers me as well because you have to get past her in order to see your doctor.  Maybe it's time for a change.  You might be better in getting another doctor's opinion as in how to treat you who also has a nicer receptionist.  Let me know if you find that combination.  Take care. 

[Andypandy30]

Thank u for telling me that agora xc much love x