Angry Low and Dehydrated.

[Dodo777]

  Not only did I really suffer withdrawl for days I Ate a chilli sausage by mistake and its fried my esophugus. I asked the lady in Asda what sausage is that she replied its just an ordinary sausage WRONG it was a chilli and because I have Achalasia the sausage stayed in my throat burning all the lining so I cant even drink water. I am going to complain because I feel angry and ill. Plus I messed up my new Laptop I downloaded malware because being dumb I didn't use play store. All because I missed my pick up on good Friday. The Pharmacist was really sorry about not telling me that the chemist shut on my pick up day and she asked for my number so she can phone if dates clash again. So not in a good mood but not showing my son he has enough on his plate. Love him.

[Agora1]

I'm sorry  Dodo.   I felt something was wrong.  Just worry about getting yourself through this episode.    People who don't have health issues don't realize how important knowing what you are eating is to that person.   I am always very cautious about eating anything that might have MSG in it.  The symptoms I get don't even compare to what you suffer through.  Hope you will be better soon. 

[Dodo777 in reply to Agora1]

I feel better now but boy those days without the subutex wasn't nice plus still have pain in my kidney. I eat a lot of chocolate since I had this Achalasia I know its unhealthy but only pleasure I get.

   Thanks for caring Agora. Hope your ok ? What have you been up to ?

[Agora1 in reply to Dodo777]

Hi my friend,  I was concerned about you  over the weekend w/o the subutex.  You have had that pain in your kidney for awhile now, are you going to get it checked out?   I can't give up chocolate either so I know what you mean.  Actually they say that chocolate is good for your heart (probably in not the amount that I eat).   What have I been up to?  Well, it's been a tough week starting with last weekend.  My daughter is so verbally and emotionally abusive to me that I literally cower in fear.  She always tells me what to do and how to do it, in a very demeaning way.  Even with all the therapy I have had over the years (and this has been getting worse as time goes by) the only advice my therapist can give me is to get a place of my own.  I know you have worked on your own issues and have come closer with your son.  I'm happy for you.  So you must know what it's like from the minute she walks in every week for a few days in what it does to my anxiety and stress level.  I always feel like running for help but feel there is nothing anyone can do.  Sad situation.   Sorry, I rambled on....

[Dodo777 in reply to Agora1]

I do understand My son and I have been getting but only because I have been saying Yes instead of No he owes me a large amount of money I know I will get it back but If I said no I think he would kick off like he used to. He has put me in hospital but I did the same to him but it was out of fear when I was ill he kicked off I was so dehydrated 4 days at the time and I hit him with a mug and cut his face but that was a while back and now we always say "love you" when we see each other. We are both used to get very angry very quickly. So Agora I do know what your going through we have so much in common.

   If I kicked my son out I know he wouldn't cope and I think that's another reason why he is good now because in the first he was living with his mother and she has a lot of people going there and he didn't like it , with me he has his privacy. I enjoy him being here I like to look after him because I wasn't there so much for him as a child.

   I hope things will work out for you and your daughter . I am amazed me and my boy get on so things can change. I really hope it works out for you both. Lives to short as they say.

   I used to live in fear and its torture I feel so sad for you.

[Agora1 in reply to Dodo777]

Thanks Dodo     Feel better. 

[Dodo777 in reply to Agora1]

I just are 8 chunky kitkats and now I feel guilty and hate myself for not being able to control myself.  I know its slowly killing me but I have no control whatsoever. I am now shaking and am wide awake. I have tried to stop but then it gets worse and eat even more lije now.. I am exhausted but so much sugar will keep me ticking over. So ashamed. 

[Agora1 in reply to Dodo777]

Hi,  I would think you need the calories at this time since you said you have lost weight.  It's hard to control the desire for chocolate since it is a drug in itself.   I hope you were finally able to fall asleep.  For me, one chocolate bar makes me sleepy.  It's a relaxant for me but then the next day you may crave that "fix" once again.

There have been times I've over indulged with sugar and stopping cold turkey the next day puts me into mood swings for sure.  When we have so little joy in one's life, a little boost doesn't hurt.  It just needs to be in moderation.

Don't be ashamed.  We all have something we need at times to make us smile. 

[Dodo777 in reply to Agora1]

That's what happened to me today mood swings had to take a Valium. I eat chocolate nearly every night without it I feel empty and don't look forward to watching TV. I am having trouble eating now again . I think my esophugus is sore so when food hits a certain spot I got to be sick.

[Agora1 in reply to Dodo777]

Oh, I'm sorry.   I eat chocolate every day after lunch.  I truly think that's what perks me up a little.  I usually can get some things done in the afternoon that I couldn't in the morning.  Watching tv at night is another time I like a little something while watching tv.   I hope the Valium helped you with the mood swing. I'm sorry the esophagus is sore.  Is it spicy acidic foods that bother you or anything?  I wish there were something they could do to help the soreness.  I feel so bad for you.  Take care 

[Dodo777 in reply to Agora1]

I go overboard with chocolate but I cant enjoy food because it get stuck all the time so really I shouldn't feel guilty