I think i am obsessed.

[CassieJane]

It has been 8 months since me and my best friend got a job abroad and we live together now here for work and we only have each other here since we are miles away form our family. We've been friends since 2007 and been best friends since 2012. We been very good and super close friends. She is also my travel buddy so whenever i want to go out of town or out of the country, she is with me, most of the time. We been getting along so well until we went here last July 2015. That's when our relationship started to change. I always thought that she is the only one I got here since i don't know anyone here, no family, few friends whom i only started to meet here and a boyfriend who is a seaman so i seldom talk to him as well and he's somewhere around the world doing his job.

Maybe because of the sadness i feel inside i tried to depend more on my best friend. I always want to talk to her more than anyone else. I want her to show me that she needs me and that she cares for me. I am starting to seek more attention from her. I am doing so much for her and i just wants to be with her all the time we could possibly have. During exhausting day at work, i am excited to go home because she is there. I am always excited to tell her everything that happen to me during the day. Though we live together, i still want to go out with her and explore places with her. I just love doing this and it gives me strength to went on everyday here. But she started to change and got cold with me. We started fighting. We don't understand each other anymore. When i tried to be close to her or whenever i ask her if she cares for me or whenever i tried to lighten the situation, it gets worst. I hate it when she started shouting at me as if i have done no good. It's just so hard to accept harsh words from her. She's been treating me as if i am OK accepting all the negative words she throws at me like i am not normal anymore or i am gross or i am so scary. It hurt me so much and make me feel like as if i am the worst friend ever. It's like she forgot everything we had and everything i did for her. I am willing to do everything for her even the impossible just for her but she keeps telling me that i have done nothing. I can't understand why she treats me like that. The more she do that, the more she rejects, ignore and hurt me the more it triggers me with this crazy thoughts. The more i wanted to ask her my worth, the more i ask her assurance on out friendship. I always wants to know if she still my best friend and if she will not leave me because i am really afraid to lose her. I really feel that i am obsess with her attention. But it is because she never tells me my worth. Whenever i ask her that i wanted to be her best friend forever she would tell me lets take it one day at a time it is as if she is not sure that she wants to be my friend and it drives me crazy.

Right now we are OK i think so. I been reading so much about obsession. I don't want to lose her that is why i am controlling my self not to be so into her. I love her but i am not in love with her OK. Its just that i want to feel she loves me. What is wrong with me? I keep trying to understand that's why i am trying to change for her. And she knows that i am trying. I just cannot understand why she keeps telling me that i am not normal and other harsh thing. I told her it is not helpful if she will continue to throw me some hard words or she will get angry to me always. Is it wrong to ask her my worth? I am asking repeatedly because she never responded. I ask her to help me but i don't think she is helping? I cant understand, she is my best friend and she is supposedly helping me right? Or am i wrong?

Please advise me as i don't know what to do already. I don't want to lose our friendship but she isn't cooperating as well. I can't do this alone. I just want to feel loved by her not ignored and rejected by her. But she never showed me that she love me. She never showed me that she wants me to be her friend or if i am important to her. She tells me sometimes when i ask her but it never shown to any of her action. Is it really me is the problem? Or is it because she also too don't value and appreciate me that is why i started to seek more from her?

Please any advise will do. I just want to clear my mind. It is depressing and alarming already. Thank you.

[Hidden]

Hello

When we have anxiety we can have low self worth and be very needy especially in relationships if it be friends or partners and even though we don't mean to it can make the other person feel suffocated which then can result in them trying to pull away to get some breathing space from us which when reading your post I am wondering if this could be happening

When we care for someone it should be unconditionally it is nice to get the same back but we also should care and do things for others because we want to despite if this gets given back or not and we do have that choice

Maybe you would be better letting your friend have some space to feel free to do what they want when they want and rather than wanting to be part of everything they do just let them do it and ask them if they have had a nice day and enjoyed themselves

It sounds like this person is the only person you feel you have in the world and it would be good for you to spread your wings and try and get a bigger circle of friends and if you did you would also find you would not obsess over this one friend so much

Friendships change as we go along sometimes , for instance I have friends that have gone on to do different things in life so there is not as much time for us to interact but that does not mean they will not be friends for life it means that things change and if we value that friend we are happy for them and accept the changes

Start concentrating on opening your world up for yourself I think this would benefit you so much , there are more people out there you just need to start interacting more with others

Take Care x

[CassieJane in reply to Hidden]

Its hard to make friends in my world now. Specially someone i can trust

[CassieJane in reply to CassieJane]

Whenever i tell so much with my best friend she will reply shortly and if sms she will reply emojis only. But when other people talk to her she is very jolly to answers them and share their opinions. And it hurts

[Hidden in reply to CassieJane]

Hello

Maybe it does hurt but as I have said she may feel suffocated with the friendship and the intensiveness that seems to surround it

It is never easy to make new friends but it is something no matter how small our world feels we can do

Not sure how old you are but what about looking for some clubs to join , is there a hobby a coffee club something what you could join where you can start interacting with more people ?

We cannot force friendship it has to come naturally and once we have formed friendships we also have to give that friend the space they need or we will push them away

I hope you manage to find some interests of your own where you can build your self confidence and expand your world slightly as if you do you will not focus so much or care what this one particular friend is doing

Good Luck x