Currently convinced I have bone cancer.

[mimi121]

As I type this, I panic that people are goingto think im mad.

My anxiety and panic attacks started when I was 17 and 4 months pregnant. I had a dream that I was being strangled, I woke up sweating, unable to breathe, dizzy and unable to calm my heart rate. It got so severe I rang 999 because I was scared for myself and my child. Went to hospital, every thing seemed fine and I was sent home. From then on I suffered a tight chest, heart palpations, shortness of breath and dizziness. It got so bad, I used to sleep in the day and make my partner at the time or whoever I was to promise they would make sure I didnt stop breathing. I went through every possible cancer dignosis website I could, convincedI was dying of some form of cancer. The cancer trigger I believe is linked to my dad dying of cancer when I was 15.

After my child was born the panic attacks subsided, however I was left with this overwhelming health anxiety. I have dreamt my child has died of cancer, ive convinced myself Im dying of lung, brain, stomach cancer... with the help of google of course. Ive gone to doctors and hospital convinced im ill and been given tests.

My brother has recently been diagnosed with ewings sarcoma which is a type of bone cancer. This has created a tidal wave of emotions and feelings and its safe to say I am now turning myself mad with all these thoughts and feelings.

I was admitted into hospital 2 weeks ago because I had abdominal pain. After suspected appendicitis or ovarian cysts, I I was convinced I had ovarian cancer, I was sent home with the all clear.

I have had severe leg pain on and off for months and now the hip pain and leg cramps are really the only thing I can think of. It consumes me. Im convinced I have the same cancer as my brother.

The last 24 hours I have been tempted to go to the hospital to get an xray done just to get confirmed what I already expect.

and yet there is this tiny voice in my head telling me to stop being silly.

this is genuinely ruining my relationship, my parenting, in fact it is impacting on my entire life.

[wentworth67]

Sending you loving thoughts sorry about your brother i hope he will be ok xxx

[mimi121 in reply to wentworth67]

Thank you for your kind words. He has reacted to the chemo really well, his leg has shrunk and hopefully after this lot of chemo, he can have surgery to remove it. Further tests have revealed it hasnt spread to the lungs which is amazing news xx

[wentworth67 in reply to mimi121]

Hi fingers crossed then how old is your brother if u dont mind me asking xxx

[mimi121 in reply to wentworth67]

Just turned 23. Hes doing exceptionally well I have to admit. Xx

[wentworth67 in reply to mimi121]

Thats brilliant my daughter had that ewing sarcoma im really pleased for you all hugs Paula xxx

[mimi121 in reply to wentworth67]

Oh im sorry to hear that. How old was she when she was diagnosed?

Its scary having someone diagnosed with something like this. Xx

[wentworth67 in reply to mimi121]

Hi she was 19 when she found out she had it but sadly hers had spread ro her lungs which became the bigger battle .She had her surgery at birmingham queens hospital on her leg they replaced her lower left leg bone with a titaniam rod which was fine .It was her lungs that where bad and full of tumors .sadly she passed away just a couple of weeks of her 21st.Dont be alarmed your brother is doing well and will be fine i no that love paula xxx

[mimi121 in reply to wentworth67]

I genuinely filled up with tears reading that. I am so sorry for your loss that must be hard. The concept of losing is a child is something I cant think about. I admire your strength.

My brothers hasnt spread to his lungs, thank the lord, and he genuinely is doing so well, but I do understand its the most common place for it to spread xx

[wentworth67 in reply to mimi121]

Thank you for your kind words xxx

[BettyA]

Dear Mimi, I am so sorry for what you are going through.... You really need to take good care of yourself... I believe with all my heart that what you need MOST of all...is to visit with a counselor/therapist.... please, please check with your dr and ask about seeing someone.

If anybody needs total professional attention who can really actually help you... you do...and you truly deserve decent, attentive, professional help.

All the dr visits in the world to test for this disease or that disease...will NOT put your mind at ease, because it is always seeking more of the same...

You are not 'at fault' for anything, Mimi.... you just are at a point where you really and truly need professional help, to basically save your mind from what you are going through.

Please consider this... I wish you all the luck in the world.

BettyA

[mimi121 in reply to BettyA]

I took a trip up a&e last night convinced I had a blood clot/leukemia or bone cancer. They dismissed blood clot and leukemia with a blood test. But my legs still in agony, and im worried that it may be hereditary.

[mimi121]

Part of my thinks im mad and part of me thinks I am dying. All whilst trying to maintain a normal lifestyle.... genuinely feel helpless.

[BettyA]

Well, Mimi, I know I must sound like a broken record (do people even know what records are anymore! ha! ) but please try visiting with a therapist... You really need someone professional to unload on who can help you. I wish you the best... Please help yourself by doing this.

[mimi121 in reply to BettyA]

Im going to speak to a doctor today x

[BettyA in reply to mimi121]

Good luck, Mimi...and good for you... Sending you a big hug.

[mimi121 in reply to BettyA]

He thought I was mad! Everyone surrounding me thinks im crazy!

I am losing the will to live tbh.

But thank you for your kind words.

Xx

[BettyA in reply to mimi121]

Mimi...this was his reply to your asking to work with a therapist?????? I really don't understand any of this. Why would he possibly say that if you told him you WANTED to speak with a counselor/therapist...by simply responding to you that 'you were mad'.... ???? Why didn't you answer him: "That's why I want some kind of mental help??"

[mimi121 in reply to BettyA]

I have been in hospital for suspected blood clot on my leg, they gave me a blood thinning injection and did an doppler on my leg and xray and they couldn't find the problem. Ive begged for a mri scan to put my mind at rest. As my dad had leukaemia and my brother now has ewings sarcoma, both of which are to do with the bones. My brother said to me I need to get it checked asap because our symptoms are similar. On discharge the hospital told me to get a doctors appointment to get an mri to either confirm or settle my mind. So I got an appointment this afternoon, so fingers crossed I get what I need. Other than that, I will pay for a private mri xxx

[Elwood]

Hi Mimi, if you are carrying tension in your pelvis (which most anxiety sufferers do) this could cause the referred pain in your lower abdomen and legs. Try lying flat on your back, make a fist and place your fist under your coccyx and try to relax your lower back into your fist, this will make you realise how tense you are and help you to relax that part of your body reducing your pain and discomfort. Worth a try and I hope it helps even just a little. Betty is right you should speak to a therapist, there is no shame in it, I'm in therapy too, our minds are very powerful things and we can re-train them with the right guidance.

Good luck xx

[mimi121]

Just a quick update.

my brothers tumor has shrunk dramatically with the chemo, he is doing extremely well.

Unfortunately, I have just discovered that my fathers primary cancer was in fact ewings sarcoma as well, and now my brother has it, I cannot help thinking this is hereditary and has now got me worrying due to my son being the next male child in the line, so scared he will develop it.

I have just paid for a private MRI due to the doctors not really taking me seriously from my leg pain.

Strangely enough, my anxiety is not as bad as it was. I still however become breathless quite quickly and unfortunately have convinced myself that I may have ewings sarcoma and it may have travelled to my lungs, but I am praying this is just a figment of my imagination. I get my MRI results Wednesday or Thursday so fingers crossed everything is ok, so I can solely focus on my health anxiety and repair the relationships that have been affected by my constant paranoia and worry about my health.