A nightmare's nightmare (anxiety)

Hey everyone, this is my first post here... I'm 21 years old, i am a pretty fit guy, and considered myself superhuman almost up until about 3 months ago. My first panic attack happened while i was at work, I was literally mid-sentence with a co-worker when it hit. My head was light, and my heart was pounding out of my chest. I had never felt anything like this before, so boy was my mind running wild. I thought for sure I was done for, right there at work. I couldn't think of dying doing anything more gratifying than working lol jk. There it went, my super human invincible feeling. That evening after an hour or two of trying to bare with the heart rate and my mind still going crazy, i went into the emergency room. They hooked me up to EKG and ended up telling me it could have been from the caffeine I had drank that day, or from anxiety. Slapped me on the butt and sent me on my merry way. I did not believe a single word they said, i wasn't anxious when the attack happened. I was gitty and joking with my co-worker. I made a follow up appointment and got blood work done and just chatted with the doc. We decided to hook me up to a heart rate monitor, everything came back clean. This was all two months ago. Every day since, I hone in on every little thing that my body is doing, whether it be a cramp, twitch, stomach growl, anything! I'm convinced that something is wrong with my heart. I probably spend half my day with hand checking my pulse. I get a feeling in my chest sometimes like someone just surprised me or scared me. It has messed with my life, i quit my job and moved states to be closer to family just in case I am terminally ill. I have had a few panic attacks since, where it feels like someones knee is on my chest, hands slightly gripping my throat, hands and feet practically dripping sweat, feeling nauseous, with my heart beating out of my chest. I've even had my heart take off on me while laying in bed on my laptop, I didn't have my mind take off though which was weird...I'm anxious about dying. I've recently tried to get some normal back in my life, by getting back into the gym. Just with weight training ( no cardio) my heart was beating out of my chest, and i don't know why. I don't know if my heart is healthy enough for my physical regimen anymore? I don't know if my heart can handle a job that requires manual labor anymore either. These thoughts run through my mind throughout the course of a day. I'm nervous all the time, and I am always grinding my teeth unintentionally. I don't like leaving the house, but I'm not scared to... if that makes any sense? My only peace is when i'm asleep, but the first thing i wake up thinking is when my next episode is going to happen. I refuse to take any more medication for anxiety, so I pray that someday I can get back to normal me the natural way. I took Zoloft for about 3 weeks and didn't notice a single change, so I decided to quit taking it, I don't know why it didn't help me. If you read all this, feel free to share opinions or give me some insight :) God Bless.

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6 Replies

  • Your symptoms are the same as mine and most on here and it is terrifying. Demon anxiety gets in our brain and therefore controls out minds..thoughts emotions and majority of every day life. It is shit !!!!! I at the moment cannot concentrate on anything other than my heart and chest ...... Xxxxx

    Hope it passes soon for you honey.

    Love n hugs

    Laura x

  • It definitely does make it better knowing that you're not alone, although that kind of sounds selfish. Thank you so much for the support, I woke this morning feeling surprisingly good :) I pray that your symptoms subside as well.

  • I really feel for you as I have been dealing with the same thing since I was a teenager and now I'm 41. I'm on meds now as it has gotten worse over past few years. I'm really sorry you are going through this you are so young. I hope you find some peace soon! God bless

  • Thank you for your support, Chub. Might I recommend something to you and Mrs, it's an app called headspace... eventually they want you to pay for it, but honestly you can just listen to the first 10 days (which are free) over and over and it gets you to calm down, to relax and set aside some free headspace for positive thoughts instead of anxious ones. If you don't want to it's fine, just a thought :) The best of luck Chub!

  • Thank you I appreciate it 😊! My anxiety has now affected by blood pressure😥 And my Daddy has been in the hospital 3 months. Things are so stressful!!! I do appreciate any advice!

  • Hi, unfortunately I understand all too well what you are saying. Anxiety doesn't recognize being fit or superhuman. It happened to me when I was in the best shape of my life. Working out in a gym with weights preparing myself for the firemen's agility test in order to become a paramedic. Wham, one day a panic attack happened and I literally forgot my training as an EMT. This was happening to me, I was suppose to be saving lives. From there it took to taking my pulse, watching every little symptom I'd get, worrying constantly and waking up to another day of fear. The "what ifs" took over and before long I was agoraphobic. Unless we find out what prompted that first panic attack it tends to go on because we don't believe the doctors when they say it's anxiety.

    There is a natural way to help yourself and that is with therapy. There are many ways that they can help you and I do hope you get that help soon. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. Good Luck in finding some answers.

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