scared

[angc1993]

My name is angelica im 22 years old although ive been through alot in my short years ive never felt like this. It started about 3 to 4 months ago right after a small cold my body felt weired head aches sick blurry vision i didnt know what was wrong i thought the worse when all was well i felt a little better thats when i notices small things like i didnt wanna go home to my brand new apartment i would feel great dread than i didnt wanna.get upfor work anymore i didnt wanna talk to anyone not even my boyfriend who lives with me and the worse i started blaming everything i could on why i feel like this my relashonship was thw first thing i started feeling numb toward my boyfriend and breaking down not wanting to be in my house only in my bed i cant eat or sleep i start thinking to myself to much my mother got ahold of me one day and asked me where have i been since i havent answered anyones messages i toldher i didnt feel happy anymore nothing was making me feel happy itold her i love my boyfriend i know i do but i cant feel it i love my apartment but i cant feel it i love my family but i cant feel it i just feel two things all day worry and sad she told me i was suffering from anxeity i told her it brought my depression on and she got worried everything is a constant struggle to stay positive and happy is so difficult one minute i feel like my old loving slef and i just wanna jump on my boyfriend and text everyone and the very next minute i feel this wave of thoughts and worrys and i spiral down again idk what to do although my support systems my thoughts are irrational and dont act off impulse things will get better but how could you start when it feels like there no end in sight the pain and depression gets so bad i cant stop cring sometimes for no reason but ill start to blame things for a quick fix and i know thats bad i cried to my friend and told her i wanna be normal again and she told ke i am normal but i didnt feel like it i feel helpless sometimes and it hurts i just wanna be able to enjoy my new apartment and relashonship like i didnt just a few months ago and thats just it all i can think about its why! why did i have a heat full of love not even 5 months ago and suddleny i cant even get through a day without wanting to break down how i could have a man that treats me like gold and i couldnt keep my hands off him to not even wanted to be around him sometimes he says he understands but itshard to focus on that when you cant feel does any of this sound right? Can anyone relate to me? I just wanna know am not alone