So this post may be kind of long, but I'm hoping someone may have a similar experience and could she'd some light. I am a 21 year old male who has had health issues, mainly GI (stomach) issues for about 6 years now. I also have severe anxiety and depression as well as emetophobia, or the fear of throwing up. But I didn't used to. As a kid I wasn't afraid to be sick, and I had no traumatic puking incidents. It just sort of arose one day. I guess around my pre teen years. But the sequence of events goes like this... when I was around 14 I started having GI symptoms. remind you I was beginning to have the emetophobia at this point, but not where it is now, ruling my life and thoughts. The stomach problems started with just diarrhea and cramps. Sometimes I would get these horrible cramps and nothing would come out. Other days I couldn't hold it in. Some days it would feel normal, but then when I'd look in the toilet it would be bright yellow and black, like stomach acid and tar. Whatever they day brought I had consistent issues on almost on a daily basis. After a few months of doctors and test it was finally determined that my gallbladder was the issues, as it was working at 0%. Which is apparently is very rare, especially for someone so young. So they removed it and I was told that all my problems would subside. but they didn't. On the contrary, they got worse. I still had the daily "lower" issues but then I began to get nauseous, bloated, and just all around sick to my stomach. Heartburn was also a problem and I was so sick that I would barley eat. This went on for probably 2 years. Now a days I still have all the same issues, but I find now that it seems to lie more in my upper gastric system. So I get more nausea, bloating ect. I still have the lower issues but not as frequently as I used to, and they are no longer as serve as the nausea and sickness that's constantly in my stomach. I get so nauseated that I'm sure I will throw up, but I never do. Sometimes I'll have such bad pains in my stomach I can hardly move. It seems to be worse with certain foods but regardless of what I eat it's almost always there. Recently the doctor suggested gluten intolerance and I've been on a gluten free diet but I'm not sure it's helping. In the past year or so I've developed other starblange symptoms too. I get extremely weak and exhausted for no reason. Where I feel like all I can do is lay in bed and sleep all day. I get muscles aches, like when you have the flu, and flushness with chills, but never any actual fever. My eyes get dry and swollen feeling, and my mouth is always dry with a bad taste. I also have this weird sort of icy hot prickling feeling that goes through my skin. Usually when I'm panicking about being sick. Which is all the time. Where it gets tricky is my emetophobia cause me to think about being sick pretty much every second of the day. Its constantly on my mind, the fear and the disgust, and when I do feel very sick to my stomach I freak out, sometimes cry even and go into panic..I can't stand the thought. Even being around other people who or sick or even complain they aren't feeling well sends me into a spiral. I avoid drinking and parties for the fear of someone being sick and if I do end up in a drinking enviorment I'm on edge and usually end up feeling sick myself and going home. I can't live my life. So, my question essentially is... is all my fear steaming from my illness? Or am I ill because I am always afraid and anxious about being sick? Any small feeling in my body and I'm convinced somethings wrong, that I'll be sick today. Even something as small as a tickle in my throat. I don't go out because I'm always feeling awful and if I do go out feeling okay I never come back feeling the same. I can't work because I'm always sick and when I'm not the thought of being at work, getting sick and not being able to come home keeps me from going in in the first place. Until recently I was convinced that there was something physically wrong with me. I've been too so many doctors and GI specialists with no answers. I've had my GI system fully scoped 4 times and they have found nothing. My GP ran blood work and found my white count was raised and this is not the first time. Basically every time I've had blood drawn that has been the case. So I was referred to a rhumotologist to rule out auto immune. Which does run in my family and I do have many symptoms of several. I'm currently waiting for an appointment. But recently I've come to think maybe it's all in my head... but I feel so sick. Please someone help me
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