Anxiety sucks!

Hi all,

I've just joined this community and hope to be able to both give and receive support! I'm 49, female, single Mum to 2 teens ( boy 18, girl 16) and I work part time as a learning support teacher.

I've had episodes of anxiety/ depression several times in my life; looking back,some were when I was very young( like 4 or something), when I used to describe it as "throat ache "...

I had postnatal depression after both kids ( was in hospital first time round) and my last major anxiety / depression episode was when I had breast cancer in 2009. I was on Duloxeteine (?) following that, and finally came off it at the beginning of 2015. All was well until the start of August, when I started waking early with a feeling of unease.

After a few days of trying to ignore it, I went to GP and was put back on the same med. 4 weeks on the low dose made no difference, so he upped it to the maximum dose. Still no difference...:'(

His decision then was to try a tri-cyclic ( clomipramine), having first established that I'd taken them before with no ill effect.

I've now been on this for 2 weeks and it seems to be making my anxiety worse, although I do feel a bit less depressed. I wake up at 3-5am, can't get back to sleep and feel so sick and anxious. I've not had a single day off work and have tried to do every thing I would do when I'm well so as not to worry my kids. I actually feel better when I'm teaching or helping someone...

However, when I have time to relax or nothing to occupy my brain,I just start feeling anxious, like I need the loo all the time, jelly legs, light-headed and unreal. I also feel like everything is "too real " and at the same time, unreal.. this includes myself. I start obsessively ruminating on existential questions, even though I know there are answers, and end up feeling terrified.

The meds don't seem to be working. I'm back to the doctors on Friday and am not sure what to say. I am so sick of this and just want to be normal and enjoy life

So much more to say, but I've gone on way too much as it is...Hoping someone can relate??!

Anna xx

12 Replies

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  • Re existential questions, I meant to say "no answers " not just "answers "

  • Have you ever had CBT / talking therapy? I find medication doesn't help me but talking does. Like you say when you're busy the anxiety isn't bad as you're distracted. I find the same with therapy. As you've had anxiety since childhood its likely a learnt behaviour so they can look at how you see yourself, etc and try and challenge the style of thinking. I'm having CBT now, I'm 35 and from our sessions a lot ofy style of thinking is from childhood so I've got a lot of work to do to change my perceptions and thinking. Good luck x

  • Hi

    Thanks for the reply. Yes I've had CBT before but it all felt a bit "token" and patronising to me... My GP wants me to try it again but so far I've put off making the appointment.

    I suppose it won't do any harm ( ?) and I might get on better with the therapist this time. I felt that the last one didn't really like me and was " just doing her job " :-/

  • Hi Anna sorry you're feeling rotten. I am v impressed at no time off work. I think some of us are very good carrying on!

    I can also recommend counselling. I had a combination of CBT and EMRD both talking therapies, and it really helped with the anxiety. I had to pay for it however as I had used up my six nhs sessions. But it was totally worth it, and I just had to think of the cost as being like the money I have to pay for glasses - without it I couldn't function.

    This site is v supportive and there is always someone on here willing to chat. You're not alone and I'm sure others can think of more suggestions for you.

  • Hi

    Thank you for the reply... Sorry I feel too tired to write much now, but I'm curious as to what EMRD is??!

    Thanks

  • Hi here's a link, would help if I'd got the acronym right, it's actually EMDR.

    emdr-therapy.com/emdr.html

  • Ooh that looks interesting, thank you x

  • Could`nt do emdr as I suffer Epilepsy as well and that would just give me bad heads and then seizure would happen

  • Good point! Though I never got as far as anything with the eyes. We did the re programming part and that was enough.

  • I am doing CBT now its hard ...I am struggling esp with the mindfulness they keep going on about but I am pushing on I think . We are all here to suppport each other I`m not much help atm as don`t seem to be able to help myself but I can listen even if I hav`nt the answers x

  • I am rubbish at meditating! But I can just practise sitting totally dull for five minutes. I never ever sit still do when I do this, even if my mind is racing, I usually just fall asleep. I know that's not the point but it does get me off to sleep.

    With the mindfulness I find it quite stressful to try and be mindful. But I read that if you just let thoughts happen and don't *try* to meditate, it actually works better. Like, the way your mind wanders when you're bored waiting in a queue or something. Have whatever thoughts, wander off, be away with the fairies. It still provides a break for your body and mind. And your not all wound up thinking. Am I doing this right, is this what it is meant to be like etc etc.

  • Hello Annalou

    Lovely to have you as my follower, I am a carer and for me it has led to a few problems, I get very depressed, tired, weight problems, and I comfort eat, I try to keep busy and I find this is helps a lot, I also belong to support groups.

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