Hi, Im writing to you as I think I suffer from rOCD. I love my boyfriend to pieces, he is my world. But back in March 2015 I began to think weird obsessive thoughts like 'What if I am fed up of him or ever get fed up of him' or 'what if ive fallen out of love' everything was fine before, until i began to think like this. it was all so perfect, he makes me so happy! It all began when i was getting very stressed from college and My sisters relationship ended, which hurt her alot. I was surrounded by upset and negativity for months because of her relationship ending. It still is very negative in my home but i do try to block it out. I am sick of these thoughts still repeating in my head, it is the majority of days but its worse when me and him are apart. i can have a few days where everything is fine and i am happy but then the thoughts sneak back in Whenever I laugh at something he says i instantly think 'what if thats a fake laugh' im constantly doubting everything I say or do. When it first started i put it down to anxiety, I was so confused and couldnt understand what these thoughts were and why or how they got into in my head, they were worrying me so much. I couldnt even eat and was being sick multiple times a day. I ended up having time off college which didnt help me at all as my mind wasnt occupied and was always thinking about these thoughts. I try not to read many Forums about people going through the same thing as i can find this triggering, I also find TV Programmes triggering when couples break up etc or even songs. I am always comparing my relationship to other peoples relationships, its like my brain is full of what ifs that wont go away. He is going away tomorrow and my mind is thinking 'What if i dont miss him' i know i will miss him, I havent been able to stop crying since I said Goodbye to him, its been 4hours now and i am still crying. i have been dreading this moment for months. These thoughts are really annoying and they are getting me down alot! i have had OCD before but nothing like this. I have OCD when checking things, checking things are switched off so many times, doors are locked, i even used to count how many items were in my bag and id have to keep re counting. I have never been in a serious relationship like this before, every other boy ive been with i couldnt class as a relationship at all, i just got hurt and messed about. He cares about me so so much and he is literally everything id ever want if you can help or advise in any way id be very greatful.
thanks for taking time to read this!