Relationship OCD, Intrusive thoughts

Hi, Im writing to you as I think I suffer from rOCD. I love my boyfriend to pieces, he is my world. But back in March 2015 I began to think weird obsessive thoughts like 'What if I am fed up of him or ever get fed up of him' or 'what if ive fallen out of love' everything was fine before, until i began to think like this. it was all so perfect, he makes me so happy! It all began when i was getting very stressed from college and My sisters relationship ended, which hurt her alot. I was surrounded by upset and negativity for months because of her relationship ending. It still is very negative in my home but i do try to block it out. I am sick of these thoughts still repeating in my head, it is the majority of days but its worse when me and him are apart. i can have a few days where everything is fine and i am happy but then the thoughts sneak back in :( Whenever I laugh at something he says i instantly think 'what if thats a fake laugh' im constantly doubting everything I say or do. When it first started i put it down to anxiety, I was so confused and couldnt understand what these thoughts were and why or how they got into in my head, they were worrying me so much. I couldnt even eat and was being sick multiple times a day. I ended up having time off college which didnt help me at all as my mind wasnt occupied and was always thinking about these thoughts. I try not to read many Forums about people going through the same thing as i can find this triggering, I also find TV Programmes triggering when couples break up etc or even songs. I am always comparing my relationship to other peoples relationships, its like my brain is full of what ifs that wont go away. He is going away tomorrow and my mind is thinking 'What if i dont miss him' i know i will miss him, I havent been able to stop crying since I said Goodbye to him, its been 4hours now and i am still crying. i have been dreading this moment for months. These thoughts are really annoying and they are getting me down alot! i have had OCD before but nothing like this. I have OCD when checking things, checking things are switched off so many times, doors are locked, i even used to count how many items were in my bag and id have to keep re counting. I have never been in a serious relationship like this before, every other boy ive been with i couldnt class as a relationship at all, i just got hurt and messed about. He cares about me so so much and he is literally everything id ever want:( if you can help or advise in any way id be very greatful.

thanks for taking time to read this!

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  • Hi there. You sound just like me! Even in March 2015 I started having the same problems when we moved in together. I got sick too. Vomited and all sorts of horrible things. Apparently anxiety is not something we have but it's our body's way of telling us something is wrong and we need to do something about it. So my fiancé and I seperate 4 weeks ago and I moved back home. Please message me if you'd like to talk more on this. I have a lot of advise for you xx

  • Wow, I've never met another girl such as yourself. My ex-girlfriend used to think the same way. She was always upset and crying about, "what if I ever hurt you?" etc.. Eventually, long story short; all of this second guessing made her feel guilty and I let her go, because I did not want to see her go through that if I somehow brought it out in her.

    In fact, we just saw each other again and she misses me so much that she cries, but she doesn't want to date because she thinks she doesn't deserve me. Everything would be fine if she would at least work on this. It is pretty frustrating, but the biggest advice I can give you is all of the "what if's" are your way of wanting definites. Nothing in this life is guaranteed and that probably drives you crazy. You probably have a higher IQ and are good at math and other things that have definite answers. Just guessing. I hope it all works out and I wish you the best!

  • Yeah . I have anxiety in this dept too. I always think I don't deserve a good guy. In reality , I know I'm a great catch though lol & YOU ARE TOO. I know. I talk as if I have all the answers . I'm working through the anxiety however. I know of you have to write on little post its around the house reminding yourself that you are a great catch , then believe it , maybe that Ocd will go away. I have chased away a great guy before & I've had a great guy ..he went away to the army reserve however . Lol . But yeah you're great , attractive , & you deserve that guy if he treats you like a queen. by this msg , you say he's great , don't WORRY then. Stay being your cool, wonderful self ...he's with you !! Lol don't push off any of those good feelings , like missing him..don't obtain some phobia for not wanting to feel love, or feel joy..you deserve that! update us on things ..but yeah meditate ..think positive xxooxo (I'm gonna have to use my advice for me too lol ) ..-scr

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