Struggling with OCD. Checking, repeating, worrying

Im 18 years old and and am struggling with OCD. I check, repeat, count, worry and obsess over illogical things, and get occasional intrusive thoughts. Each morning and each night i check everything in my room, careful to keep it all in the same place. everything must be right. It takes me a long time to be able to leave my home, because i have especially bad obsessions over locks and doors/closing. i push on my door over 110 times each morning until i feel just right leaving and even then i worry. I also cannot leave anything plugged in, running, or on for fear of a housefire, flood, spill, or other catastrophe that would be my fault. i take 75-150 pictures on my phone of nearly everything in my room to make sure i can be assured throughout the day that things are off, closed, upright, etc. I cant have cords touching each other, or plugs for some irrational fear a housefire will spark. The pictures no longer help but i still do them before i leave. I check before sleeping, often touching things and repeating words while touching or even just looking. When i lay my head down, i begin to obsess and spring up again,checking. I check the alarm on my phone over and over, to the point of tears. I wake up at 5am to perform my routines before i leave the house, arriving at school an hour and 15 minutes early to park "just right." I will repark as many times as it takes. I take photos of the inside of the car to be sure its in park, lights off, etc. I lock it nearly 20 times using a clicker, watching to be sure the lights are off. Often times i come back outside just to check again or ask someone else to do it.. but school is the only place i go. I am housebound, scared to drive, for fear of hurting someone else or myself. if i hit something small and insignificant in the road, i think I've hit a person.. and when i see people walking on the side of the road, i keep looking back to make sure i have not inured them. i check my car a lot to be sure i didnt graze anyone else without noticing. i have isolated myself from everyone besides family and my significant other. I know nobody i consider a "friend" wants to hear about it or can relate, since people often are close minded about what ocd entails. I come home after school, shower, get out clothing for the next day and take the rest of the day to recover from the energy I've used up, even between morning and night routines im always checking at school, attracting attention by constantly looking inside my bookbag and purse. I see the bags under my eyes worsen and feel so tired all the time, but have no idea what to do. I have scars from the acne and wounds i compulsively pick and pop, i cant be around soda or sugary foods without freaking out. I have 12 veneers and am terrified of teeth contamination.. a friend had me hold her soda pop the other day and i had to text her afterward, asking if I'd taken a sip, even though i knew i didn't. I turn things in and check that my name is on it again, worrying. i make a huge deal if my routine is screwed up even a little bit, and often make excuses to stay home. I make a huge deal about things often and i know its part of the ocd but i feel crazy. I began taking medication and have started seeing a therapist, but it just keeps getting worse. I feel very alone in this. I never thought this would be me. Thank you for reading, my apologies for any typos or errors.


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10 Replies

  • Not even all the odd things i do for assurance/comfort :\

  • Maybe you need to tell your therapist that this is not working?

  • Hi I would print out what you have just wrote here and take it to your therapist.. I would do that as she/he might not understand just how extreme your OCD is.. it is ruling your life.. my youngest daughter has this but not as bad and I know it can be hard to cope with .. however you need to tell yourself even if things aren't ''just right'' it doesn't matter.. things don't have to be ''perfect' your human and need to have times to rest and relax for you.. I wish you luck with this xx

  • So sorry to hear how bad your OCD is :(

    You really do need to get some help with it so that it's not ruling your life so much. I have had some OCD and I had it quite bad as a teenager where I had to keep touching wood then do a circle and a cross three times and then three times three. At some point I decided just to 'touch wood' every time I had an intrusive thought and told myself that this would cover all eventualities. I still do this and I do get anxious if there's no wood around but at least it isn't monopolising my life as yours clearly is. It would help to reduce it and to get help with the underlying anxiety which is escalating the rituals. It's a shame the medication didn't help. Maybe it is worth trying a different one. I take the anti-depressant Paroxetine which has helped me with anxiety. It is one of the best for that. It takes a while to work and is quite subtle but it may make your life more manageable.

    All good wishes. xx

  • Thank you so much for your comment. Good wishes to you as well!!

  • You're welcome. Just hope you get some help as you shouldn't have to go through all this, it's very distressing. Bug hugs xx

  • I have this problem as well, and if I do not keep checking things I am in fear something bad will happen, I can't live like this anymore :(

  • My son who is 17 had severe symptoms like you are having, For months he tried to hide it but I told him I knew he was suffering and to open up to me. Which he did. We saw several doctors and he finally got started on Luvox 100mg and within a week could feel the difference,months later he is on 150mg and laughs when we talk about the days when he was dealing with the awful symptoms like you are now having. At that time he was mentally worn out from all the repetition and the sleep deprivation wasn't helping either. It's good to have my son back. He says he has no side effects . He says he feels completely normal and feels he may not need to take Luvox . Of course it remains to be seen if the ocd returns when he does decide to get off. It's working well for him and for now he has chosen to stay on it. Hope this helps

  • This helps tremendously. I will ask about this medication. Im so glad you have him back! Great job asking about it and helping him. Thank you :)

  • It took about one week for luvox to start taking effect. The second week he also started seeing a good psychologist (good ones are hard to find!). Finding a really good psychologist is very important since Luvox should bring your overwhelming fear down to a level where you are able to be calmly rational again and that's a good time to begin to dialogue through some of the irrational thoughts and behaviors with the goal of giving you a fresh start . I hope Luvox helps you as much as it has helped my son.

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