Im 18 years old and and am struggling with OCD. I check, repeat, count, worry and obsess over illogical things, and get occasional intrusive thoughts. Each morning and each night i check everything in my room, careful to keep it all in the same place. everything must be right. It takes me a long time to be able to leave my home, because i have especially bad obsessions over locks and doors/closing. i push on my door over 110 times each morning until i feel just right leaving and even then i worry. I also cannot leave anything plugged in, running, or on for fear of a housefire, flood, spill, or other catastrophe that would be my fault. i take 75-150 pictures on my phone of nearly everything in my room to make sure i can be assured throughout the day that things are off, closed, upright, etc. I cant have cords touching each other, or plugs for some irrational fear a housefire will spark. The pictures no longer help but i still do them before i leave. I check before sleeping, often touching things and repeating words while touching or even just looking. When i lay my head down, i begin to obsess and spring up again,checking. I check the alarm on my phone over and over, to the point of tears. I wake up at 5am to perform my routines before i leave the house, arriving at school an hour and 15 minutes early to park "just right." I will repark as many times as it takes. I take photos of the inside of the car to be sure its in park, lights off, etc. I lock it nearly 20 times using a clicker, watching to be sure the lights are off. Often times i come back outside just to check again or ask someone else to do it.. but school is the only place i go. I am housebound, scared to drive, for fear of hurting someone else or myself. if i hit something small and insignificant in the road, i think I've hit a person.. and when i see people walking on the side of the road, i keep looking back to make sure i have not inured them. i check my car a lot to be sure i didnt graze anyone else without noticing. i have isolated myself from everyone besides family and my significant other. I know nobody i consider a "friend" wants to hear about it or can relate, since people often are close minded about what ocd entails. I come home after school, shower, get out clothing for the next day and take the rest of the day to recover from the energy I've used up, even between morning and night routines im always checking at school, attracting attention by constantly looking inside my bookbag and purse. I see the bags under my eyes worsen and feel so tired all the time, but have no idea what to do. I have scars from the acne and wounds i compulsively pick and pop, i cant be around soda or sugary foods without freaking out. I have 12 veneers and am terrified of teeth contamination.. a friend had me hold her soda pop the other day and i had to text her afterward, asking if I'd taken a sip, even though i knew i didn't. I turn things in and check that my name is on it again, worrying. i make a huge deal if my routine is screwed up even a little bit, and often make excuses to stay home. I make a huge deal about things often and i know its part of the ocd but i feel crazy. I began taking medication and have started seeing a therapist, but it just keeps getting worse. I feel very alone in this. I never thought this would be me. Thank you for reading, my apologies for any typos or errors.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.