Depression and OCD

[Aurelia96]

My mother has recently made a point of noting how my older sister is suffering from her depression badly, however she's never noticed over all the years I've suffered from depression. Furthermore, when this topic comes up it aggravates my usually mild OCD and I end up thoroughly cleaning, tidying and organising my room often in the middle of the night as some sort of coping mechanism. I've opened up to very close friends about this but as they don't suffer depression, or certainly not as badly as I have done, they struggle to advise me although they do try and care for me as best they can. I wonder if anyone with similar experiences has any advise or encouragement or would just let me know I'm not the only one in this situation?

[estella881]

I think we have our own way in dealing with things including myself. Being depressed without anyone knowing or realise about it, it tends to make you feel lonely. But at least, it is good that you can talk to your friends about it. As for myself, I don't think my own family realise or aware that I am depressed but I feel you, that sometimes it is burdensome to share your own problems with family because you just don't want them to worry about you too. So, I try to deal it on my own by reading books or writing, at least I can forget my problems by keeping myself away from the real world.

[Aurelia96 in reply to estella881]

Thank you for sharing this, has made me feel a lot less alone, I just wish I could find a less energy consuming coping mechanism

[Redhots7]

Yes, sibling rivalry exists everywhere and in all families. My younger brother was always the favorite, he has always hated it for me and another brother but it was always there. Your mom thinks you are the strong one and your sister doesn't do as well . She loves you just as much but sees your sister as the one that needs more support, perhaps because you have more friends and a larger support group ?? I found when I accepted it and loved my brother rather than resenting, my life improved . You will always look for that "stamp of approval " but you can get to a better place surrounding yourself with positive support . You are loved ! Don't focus on what you don't have, truly, count your blessings, you have friends that become family . I know, been there .😘

[Maltesers11]

Sorry to say I am now 47. What happened to me was I got anoroxia, age 14-23, with major OCD eventually. My "perfect sister" who I should have been like went abroad on a PGL and building her lifestyle, She got really ill, which hit me hard as she lost loadsa weight and I got the blame for it as I had already been through hospital with eating disorder etc etc, Anyway it turned out she had major type 1 diabetis and went in to coma. Nothing to do with what I had gone through. I felt terrible as my family felt my illness with anorexia had influenced her. It didn't. She just got diabetic. They forgave me but I still feel hurt, that they thought I would "take the stage". I do not know about your situation, but you are probably not going through the same thing as your sister, so talk to to her if you can to try and find out what is going on. My sister is supportive of me now, most of the time, because of what happened.

[Aurelia96 in reply to Maltesers11]

What an inspirational story, I wish I felt like I could talk to my older sister but unfortunately we've barely spoken for years, she made a conscious decision to shut me out when she was about 19 and that's never changed I'm afraid, we are civil for the sake of the family but as we have nothing in common we just don't talk. However, my problems feel rather in the shade now so perhaps I should man up and at least try, thank you!

[Maltesers11 in reply to Aurelia96]

btw. Your problems are not in the shade. They are important. X

[Maltesers11]

My sister was on life support and I nearly died at 5 and half stone at 5 ft 8. We are not close but we have understanding. My sister shut me out once as did my brother when I was ill which breaks your parents hearts. Accept differences, making up is great. You don't have to be shumukky about it. My sister now supports me because we don't tell each other what to do. We just listen. Hard. I would rather this than lose my sister and brother, even though things have been horrible at times. I hope you can work things through. xx

[Aurelia96 in reply to Maltesers11]

This has been so helpful to hear, my mother just doesn't understand, thank you xx

[Maltesers11 in reply to Aurelia96]

Can I ask how old you are, as I work in childcare and it is very important to me I am not speaking with minors? sorry

[Aurelia96 in reply to Maltesers11]

Don't worry I'm 19 I totally understand, my parents are foster carers I know there is a lot of red tape

[Maltesers11 in reply to Aurelia96]

If you can possibly reach an understanding with your sister, just try. At least you will know and maybe get closure and then you can move on. I am on this site for a different reason, not all about liking maltesers! but I know my sister supports me. Even my mum listens now even as old as I am. Are you younger sibling?

[Maltesers11]

sorry I am panicking ... again.....

[Aurelia96 in reply to Maltesers11]

Hey it happens, nothing to panic about here, you've been so helpful and kind, eugh anxiety sucks doesn't it but you've got nothing to worry about in this case

[Maltesers11 in reply to Aurelia96]

Hey, You were worth talking to about your problems. Please take care. You are actually same age as my eldest daughter. And yes anxiety does suck.

[steadfast66]

Have you discussed this with your mother...and how you feel about her not validating your depression?

[Aurelia96 in reply to steadfast66]

No I haven't, to be honest I don't think she realises I have it

[steadfast66 in reply to Aurelia96]

Talking honestly and candidly about how you feel will probably help you and your Mom.