Anxiety Support
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What is wrong with me?

So basically, I've always had a hunch that something is wrong with me mentally, but I may just be over reacting. It's already came to quite a few people's attention that I may have OCD, I check and obsess over clean cutlery, dishes, etc, before using them with food, I always have to do certain things, eg, organise my bed no matter if I will get into it 7 hours later or 7 minutes later, it has to be done, I get very upset when things go missing from my room, come out of order or if my room ends up messy due to my siblings, I always do certain things at certain times, eg, despite my best efforts to be early, I always appear to delay myself for lunch on weekends to have it at 2:30pm, and of course there are other things like that. I think I have just pointed out all the main things but there are probably many others I have missed. However, although I am already guessing I have OCD, I'm also finding myself searching up multiple times a month, if I have anxiety or not. I usually stress a lot, and I have really bad sleeping problems when I do (though, It luckily hasn't been very bad since about September last year when I went back to school). I often find myself in tears a lot, I don't know if it's because I'm petty or if I'm becoming obsessive over the fact that things have to go my way, but not in a snobby way haha. When I feel as if someone is judging me, even if it's a slight joke or question, if I'm alone and out of sight, I will often find myself in tears in a corner, maybe it's very very small depression, I really don't know, I also have the tendency to walk extremely fast (mainly in public) no matter what I'm walking to, I have found out though that I am very paranoid and I think I do I don't spend a lot of time in people's view, this means they have less time to judge me. On the topic of paranoid, I have a few points to make; I always feel like someone is watching me, no matter where I am, I always have my binds shut(in my room) in fear that someone watches me through my window, I always get changed in the bathroom(it locks), and I have found out that this is because I'm paranoid that someone will walk in on me in my room or someone will see me from somewhere else, I currently have something covering my laptop camera(it was the same for my iPad and phone before they fell off) so hackers can't see me, if my blind on my window isnt shut, I duck down if I'm looking into the mirror(as you would be able to see me from outside), whenever I'm in the bathroom, maybe in the shower, I always feel like someone is outside talking to me but I can't hear, Or is about to come in, or that someone will go into my room and I won't be able to stop them. This is so long I'm sorry! I also have had two events where I've freaked out, like a mini anxiety attack? One was in a gym changing room, the lights were off and my friend was being chased by my other friend with a small pole (jokingly) I freaked out and walked into a corner and started begging for it to stop, a very recent one though, on the monday just gone, one of my friends came up behind me and nearly pushed me flat on my face, I was so horrified of the thought that I stranger could hate me so much to hurt me, that even when I saw it wasn't a stranger, I couldn't help but freak out. Like an idiot I began to cry and slightly shake, or maybe just my hands did that lol, I don't know if it was from the crying or not but it appeared that my breathing became quicker also. As well, I don't really remember much except the fact that I was pushed and I cried, I don't remember either of my friends trying to catch me. This is probably the last thing im going to say; I have been also researching bipolar (this isn't normal to be searching these things Ahaha) and I seemed to relate to some of the symptoms, all I can say is that I will get really happy and laugh probably uncontrollably and for almost always no reason, sometimes I end up on the floor in a fit, then about 20 minutes, maybe less or more, later, (when I have probably calmed down) some random thought comes to my head and I will immediately cry. By the way I'm a 13 year old girl, and sorry this was so long, I would just like someone who knows if I'm right or why I'm not, or basically what is happening, thanks, and I hope this isn't too long Ahh x

1 Reply

Sounds like anxiety. I suppose your Mom is happy that you keep your room neat. Also, it could be your hormones. Tell your mom what is going on. You should get a complete physical so that you won't worry about your health. If you health is good, which it probably is, see a therapist. There's no shame in visiting a therapist. She will help you work through your obsessions.

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