My name is Ariel and I had been with boyfriend for almost 3 years and we were recently engaged. The only thing he has had some controlling issues that he needs to work would bug him if i ever went out without him but like simple place like dinner, mall. I would still go because i felt that it was wrong. About a few weeks ago i made up this little lie and said i did not want to go to his friend event and instead i ended up going to drinks with my girlfriends. The reason i did that is because i needed a little break from him. Ended up calling him to come & when he came he was so upset and told me he did not want to be with me anymore and to give him back the wedding ring. I was surprised he acted so crazy. We talked a few days later and got back together. Then he got mad again because i invited him to go to an event the following weekend and he told me all cared is about going out to party. Started being rude to me about something else. So he tells me again that he does not want to be together...that im free to do what i want now. I know the right thing to do is to walk away but instead i continue to try to reach out hoping i will get a different answer. He told me hes done and he no longer wants to be in the relationship. I know I need to put my foot down but instead im confused why he is doing this....Do you think its my fault. I feel like he is never going to regret what he did because im not putting him in his place.

4 Replies

  • I think you should stop seeing him, it is not good to be controlled by anyone like this. For your own safety it's best to stay far clear.

  • I would also agree,

    It's not healthy. You need your own space to do your own things.

  • You say you know the right thing is to walk away, and I'm not sure I can add much to that. I know it's not what you want to hear, but in my experience this kind of relationship tends to get worse rather than better. Often when you become more committed to each other, the controlling behaviour gets worse. I wouldn't be surprised, for example, if it got worse around the time when you got engaged.

    Be careful also that you don't get trapped in a cycle where things seem to be moving forward, but really are not. I remember a couple, let's call them Jack and Jill, where Jack was supposed to be trying to stop drinking excessively. That sounds positive, but if Jill did something that asserted her independence, Jack would get drunk and then become violent. He would then imply that this was Jill's fault, that her behaviour had 'made' him start drinking again, and the drink 'made' him become violent. Then he'd go for a while without drinking, setting them up to go round the cycle all over again.

    Jack trying to stop drinking sounded so positive, and yet it trapped both of them. The real life Jill, I'm pleased to say, eventually got fed up and left him. She's now with someone who doesn't do this sort of thing, but she spent quite a while trapped by these mind games.

    Jack and Jill were an extreme case; your partner probably isn't as bad as Jack. I wanted to tell you the story, though, because it shows how Jill ended up trapped. There was always this goal of Jack not drinking and the relationship being good, but it was always just out of reach, and it always seemed to be Jill's fault.

  • Like everyone here said already dump the guy and move on u can not teach something this basic to an adult... Control ur nurturing instincts and save them for ur son when u have one leave this guy he is dangerous

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