Anxiety since i was 2 years old, idk what to do anymore i want to die

[lexi9798]

I'm a 16 year old girl living with my grandparents. My mom was an abusive, alcoholic with bipolar disorder and my dad pretty much disowned me and started a new family so my grandparents took me in when i was about 6 years old. Since i was little i had anxiety, i became extremely attached to my grandma, was terrified to even go upstairs alone or sleep alone, i would throw trantrums and was scared to go to school and i had health anxiety. Now that i'm older, my general anxiety went away but now i have a vomiting phobia, ocd, social anxiety, depression, and possibly pstd and borderline personality disorder. But since i started highschool 2 years ago, my anxiety has gotten worse. I was put into home schooling freshman year cause i couldn't make it to school, i stopped eating because of my fear of getting sick. Sophmore year, i went back to school but went to an alternative school, only stayed for a couple months and then went back to home schooling. And now i just started junior year in real classes again but i have early dismissal so im there for about 4 hours and only have 3 classes. My eating is better and im doing better, but my physical anxiety symptoms are holding me back. Everyday i get tension headaches, brain zaps, feeling "unreal" or dissociated, nausea, irritable bowel syndrome, light headedness, fatigue, heart palpitations, etc. and they don't go away. And because i have a phobia of vomiting it makes it so much harder. I always run to my room and hide all day because of my anxiety symptoms, and im scared to go out or go to school because of the symptoms. Idk how to make them stop or go away. They come out of nowhere, sometimes i will even be occupied with something and i'll get dizzy or nauseous and i freak out because idk if its just anxiety or not. I've been to over 20 different therapists since i was like 6 and none have helped me, i just want to go to school and hangout with friends without feeling like shit from anxiety all the time. I started school two weeks ago and i've already skipped over 2 days of school. Any suggestions on these anxiety symptoms? please

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healthunlocked.com/livingwi...

[cc120]

I haven't tried it but it was recommended to me:

moodcure.com/

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what happened with the therapists that none of them could help

[hamble99b]

hi Lexi, I'm writing this to let you know that I have read your post.

You have such a lot going on and I don't know enough to help you, but I do care.

Can I say though that when you say

" I started school two weeks ago and i've already skipped over 2 days of school. "

I want to say

"well done for only missing two days!"

I know you mentioned seeing many therapists up to now. I don't know why it's not worked out with them, but there will be one soon that you can work with. It will happen.

Some time soon you'll find yourself in a place where you begin to absorb and understand what therapists or counsellors are saying to you, it will mean something to you. It is true when they say you will reach a point mentally and emotionally ready for it.

This has nothing to do with age or how long anyone's had difficulties for (or when someone tells them to "pull yourself together" - if only it was so easy).

have you tried contacting MIND or the samaritans?

there are other support agencies for young people. if I can find them, I will post them for you.

regards,

hamble.

[lin62-65ze]

I really feel for you, do you not see a professional psychiatrist ?

Your grandparents sound wonderful people, I think the fact that your Mother was abusive to you in your early childhood has hd a Hugh impact on you hench your anxieties.

Can you think positive at all? You are so young and have so much ahead of you.

Personally I feel you should be on some medication and also have support, do you have a career in mind? You need to. Focus and be strong, when these negative vibes start to come do something nice otherwise they take over your life.

Do you have a hobby? Do you like baking cakes with your Grandma? Anything which can help you focus on positive things, sewing, knitting, crosswords, anything to take your mind off things horrible things eating away at you.

Hope this helps you.