So summer is upon us and the kids are out of school now. Tonight my husband said..hmm we should go to the beach tomorrow
Immediately panic rises in my throat and I start imagining the two hour trip to the beach, sittting in the car, in traffic, and how driving 15 mins to church kills me and I got soo mad at him I wanted to scream at him
DONT U REMEMBER I HAVE ANXIETY!!! DONT YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME! HOW CAN U EVEN SUGGEST GOING TO THE BEACH!
And of course the kids heard him and they were soo excited, and jumping up and down.. yes lets go the beach ! Whoooo Hoooo ! Can we get surf boards , can we have a picnic!
I feel like a peice of crap right now, because I don't know how in heck I would survive a trip like this and I am panicking right now even thinking of it and tomorrow when we wake up, I am gonna be the one who ruins another family trip because of this stupid anxiety. And now I am crying because I can't even hold it together for my kids. Its just not fair , maybe my husband will leave me and find a woman who is adventurous and beautiful , and she'll love my kids, and she'll be spontaneous, and love going to the movies and traveling amd then they can all go together. And I can sit in my prison and stop feeling guilty for holding everyone back