Final admitting I'm beat

[Nichola26]

Hello all,

Well where do I start have always suffered with health anxiety if I have headache it's a brain tumour any ailment I have it's magnified and I come to the conclusion I have terminal cancer and I'm going to die. I also feel like this about my children. I panic I sweat I get heart palpitations I ring the docs and drag them down there to be told everything is fine.

Last wk a man at work was diagnosed with skin cancer for his moles so I go into meltdown go the doctors and they looked at my moles and said they were suspicious about one they wanted to refer me to hops. I went into complete meltdown couldn't go to work cried constantly had to go bk docs and they prescribed me diazepam. I couldn't wait the 2 weeks for the hops referral so I paid to go private the specialist looked at them and said she wasn't concerned in the slightest and there r nothing to worry about. Surely I should be relieved but I'm not. I haven't been able to go to work again today I feel like once and for all health anxiety has beaten me. I feel like enough is enough.

A few yrs ago my neck ached I convinced myself I had lymphoma cancer I cried and worried over this for months and months, I just seem to move on to something diff and it just consumes me completely.

But now I just think what's next what is going to be next and I just feel completely done and beaten and to say you know what I need some help.

I'm so sorry for rambling and this post prob doesn't make sense. I have rang a number this morn and have a phone appt with a therapist on fir but I just wanted some help on what helps everyone else, my mum has suggested St. John wort I don't know whether to pay private therapist for anxiety disorder I don't know whether to get some medication I just don't know what to do.

Then I get frightened and think what if I sort the issue out and then bang one of us does get ill and I was right all along to be scared!!!

I just don't know how ill ever not feel like this I also feel like I'm going to ruin my kids lives by being so teary all the time and panicky about the slightest ailment they have.

Sorry for such a long rambling waffling post thank you to anyone who has got this far in reading it hahaha xxxx

[Binky1]

Hi there and nice to meet you on here

So glad you got that off your chest as that's a lot of stress and anxiety for you to carry around and exhausting as well I bet

I suffer anxiety and have done most of my life (I'm 53)

I have 3 children so I know how anxious I get about them. I'm very aware that I don't want to tell you any of my anxieties as I certainly don't want to give you anymore to worry about

Only to say that one of my kids did get seriously ill a few years ago now from nowhere and it was horrendous but you know what ... we all got through it with the amazing help of the medical profession who you have to rely on totally when something like that hits you

A visit to your GP is a must and tell them what you've said here and just let it all out

I'm here for you to listen

Deep breaths and relaxing music maybe to help calm you

Take care

Lesley x

[Nichola26]

Thank you, I just feel so lost at the moment my partner friends and family r all being so nice but I just think deep down they think I'm mental as I see their faces when I tell them my darkest thoughts which at times r horrific and they look at me and say how have you got to that point where u think ur not going to be here to watch the kids grow up, my youngest is 2 and the other day I broke down saying he is going to be the only one on his 1st day with no mummy dropping him off????? Craziness. Thank you for replying to me I've been out and bought some St. John's wort to see if it helps as I've been the docs he has offered me tablets I just don't fancy taking them. My friend is on citelerpram for anxiety but I'm really reluctant to go and ask for them xxx

[Hidden]

hi nichola, just read your post, if doc has given you an anti-depressant don't mix it with st johns wort, they are not compatable with each other , Lesly is quite right about seeing the doc and letting it all out, they are very good now with health anxietys, you know that you are not going to die, your kids will be fine, keep talking to your family they sound great listeners, take care jasper xx

[Nichola26 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you I'm not on any mess the diazepam was prescribed for the waiting of my tests which I'm not taking. The only thing I'll be taking is St. John's wort. X

[Mcminn1 in reply to Nichola26]

I'd advise you give the diazepam a try. I have serious health anxiety and for me to take any tablets is a effort. But I if sly gave in and took it and it really dus take the edge of worry and gives your body a break Hun x

[coffee123]

Wow! Someone like me....whew! I have gone through, and still do at time, the exact thing you described. What you need is to start seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist. I see one on a monthly basis. Use to be weekly but that was in the beginning when all this anxiety started. They teach you ways to shift your thinking and give you tools you can use to help....behavior wise. That didn't start immediately, they will hear you out and listen to your concerns before deciding what method they want to use. The best part is that they don't know you on a personal level and you can tell them anything without having to worry about being judged. With family and friends this is difficult because they think you are going nuts without really saying it. Hope this helps. Thank you for sharing your story, I don't feel so alone now.

[Nichola26 in reply to coffee123]

I have my phone appt on fri so will wait and see what they offer me from them I just can't ever see or feel I'll be cope with anxiety. It just feels like it will forever overwhelm me and consume me I just wish I could cope normally with it all x

[Hidden]

Hey mate have a look on utube, & watch: "Eckhart Tolle anxiety and fear"..If you like what he says utube: Oprah Winfreys Soul Series with Eckhart Tolle..It's very hard to grasp at first, & takes a lot of practice over a few weeks/months..If your mind starts to accept it, you won't look back i promise....I know he may sound & look boring, but those are just thoughts of your mind..So you have to ignore what ever your mind says about him, "until" you've at least tried to get the gist..I'm here to help because Iv'e been doing it for 8 months now, & it is truly amazing stuff..Iv'e been sharing this on other sites as well, only because i can remember how bad i used to feel, & now i feel great.

[lostinspace]

Hi Nichola

Like you, I've suffered for most of my adult life with health anxiety. At the moment I'm waiting for a gynae procedure so you can imagine what's going through my mind. I've been avoiding going to the doctor for many years for various ailments, but have now decided to face my fear. Not easy (especially as I have needle phobia and also am very scared of the idea of operations etc) but I feel now that I would rather know what is wrong with me than face months of worrying over what might be nothing.

I feel I've found a way of helping myself with all the negative worrying thoughts so I'd like to pass this on to fellow HA sufferers. I got some help through CBT - it doesn't take the fear away completely but it helps you to understand your thought processes and deal with them in a more rational way. Also, I go to the gym as often as possible as I find this really helps, especially first thing in the morning when the fears are doing their worst.

I decided against the medication route - but that's a purely personal choice as I know it can and does help people. I say things to myself like "fear is more pain than the pain it fears" and "worrying doesn't take the bad things away, it just stops you from enjoying the good things". I really believe that if you tell yourself negative things all the time, you will believe them, but the same applies to the opposite. For some reason it seems to be easier to tell ourselves negative things and spend our lives preparing ourselves in case the worse happens.

I'm not saying any of this is easy, but when I think of all the time I've wasted worrying about things that never happened (and might never happen), I feel more determined to face my fears and try to tell myself to wait until I definitely have something to worry about and not worry needlessly about all the what ifs. Hope some of this helps.

[Evey37]

Hi Nicola, I can totally relate with everything you said. It's always the what if's we think about. Head hurts? Its a tumour, neck aches? It's meningitis ...etc over and over for every ailment that could threaten life. I've tried cbt therapy it's good...just didn't work for me

[Jogurn]

Wow this is soooooo me it's the worst thing ever I am so bad I flip out about anything being wrong with me I can't believe how common this actually is. Ppl tell me don't worry I wish I couldn't : (