Here i sit at 9 20am I have to be at work in one hour and I am in the dumper. I just can't get past the feeling I am not going to be able to do this job I think I have taken on a job in a far too busy a place Its opening day and its going to be mad. I know I will have help but my anxiety has pushed all my knowledge out of my head how d o I do this how do I do that It's like i've forgotten everything I know about cooking I just want to go and tell them I can't do it But then what I just come home and sit in front to=f the tv all day again Oh man I wish this was over over over. If I don't d o this job what lies ahead for me I still have terrible loneliness as well I wake up to it everyday realizing that there is no one within 500 miles that I love I miss my parents so much now I know I am just a little boy trapped inside a mans body .How am I going to get through this today.. I took my Xanax and it should help me with the worst of the anxiety.Ill go and try to make the best of it But when I think Ill have to be there for 8 hours I just can't see how Ill do it. These are the times I wish I believed in God so I could pray to Him for some help I keep thinking why did I take this job on I was ready to move out of this town I had it all arranged then I got this job and changed my plans now I feel like imade a huge mistake I just want to get into my car and drive away from all this mess...But where would I go Im so lost right now... and I have to go into a busy kitchen and try and pull myself together. Please God help me....
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