Another day with this hell..

[shadow45]

Hello my friends I have to say right at the start that I am getting very tired of feeling this way... I know you all will understand. I did get some relief from my hellish weekend sunday afternoon and last night. But again I wake up to the feeling of dread... I had a bad experience at the hospital that I must tell you about... In my last post I said that I had been to emergency It was the discussion I had with the em Doc that turned my day into a massive panic attack that sent me into a outpatient clinic... Which once I checked into I checked out of within ten minutes... The doc put the fear of trying to handle my anxiety without meds!!.. He basically told me that he would never prescribe any kind of anti depressant and that he thought I should just deal with my problems without trying to mask the anxiety... As I was listening to this I want into a massive panic state where I started to think of suicide... If I was not going to be able to get some relief I was not going to make it... period.. So after all that sunday morning I got out into the day and did a few things visited a friend etc By chance I went into my local pharmacy to see if there was anything over the counter that she could recommend.. And I got into this conversation that I had had with the em Doc... Well it turned out the pharmacist had been a psych nurse for ten years... and she told me the Doc was full of crap.... That the first thing you have to do is deal with the anxiety and that the Xanax I was taking was not any where near as harmful as the em doc had told me it was... S0 he basically just gave me his personal opinion on how I should handle my anxiety... After I had this conversation with the pharmacist I calmed down big time as I was thinking when I see my GP today that I couldn't get any more Xanax.... Now I wake up this morning its 7;30 am now here.... I am right back at the same old place with the anxiety. Going into that outpatient place with other men that were in much worse situations than myself was a very bad idea. I was willing to go into hospital for a day or so but there were no beds available I did think that if I went in at least I would be looked after by professional care I haven't been eating very well and I think its creating a problem with my meds being absorbed properly into my system I will have to ask my GP today about that..Bless you all steve

[B_S_A]

Hey, so sorry to hear about your troubles

I remember a few months after my stroke I went back to university, and nothing was the same. Everyone was there, but I felt the damage it had done to my brain, I felt (and feel) so disconnected. I was walking home from the doctors through some fields and I thought to myself; "Am I going to have to live another 50 years?". So I started therapy and started taking anti-depressants, but 5 days later I stopped them; I didn't want to numb anything, as this was, and continues to be, a real issue. Anxiety/depression is as real as a broken arm, so I feel you.

Whenever I feel anxious, or like I'm about to have a seizure (it gave me epilepsy too), I listen to this song to calm me down; youtube.com/watch?v=5kWo8N4...(Not working as expected?) so try that maybe?

Can you remember when you first started feeling this way?

[shadow45 in reply to B_S_A]

In my mid twenties things in my life got very complicated... Married... stressful job... new baby All happened way before I was mature enough to handle all that... The marriage ended badly... I think that was the first meltdown..... I remember saying to my dad that I didn't have any inner strength to draw on..... So I could say that i was very damaged at that time.... Where I couldn't recover from the upheaval of losing so much.... . In time things healed.... but that started me down a path of destructive behaviour .....Stressful jobs in the restaurant trade are filled with drug abuse and alcoholism ...Its just a fact .

[bepete]

HI Steve !

Are you still awake ?.

It's 1.30 am in England, at this point in time.

But I'm wide awake,,, and posting .

Have you tried any other alternative kinds of medication.

Do you drink lots of coffee, or anything like that ?.

I'm learning to cut out caffeine and eat right etc.

At this time during the day I will drink, peppermint tea ( zero caffeine ), I also use ,a daytime herbal pill, called kalms, it has velarium in it.

Why not try something like this, instead of being reliant on the drugs the doctor gives you.

I have found I feel much better without the chemical crap the GP gives me.

Why not give it a try. ?.

Good night from the uk .

Pete

[shadow45]

Hi Pete... if I miss you good night......I will look into herbal remedies at the health food store tomorrow I have a hard system to crack.... I've tried herbal relaxers before and got a very odd side effect.... Nightmares...

[bepete]

Hi steve.

Hope your feeling a bit better this morning.

I am not having such a good morning today !.

Im fighting the old black dog , off again.

On the good side though, its great weather here in England , nice and sunny !

I can feel the sun on my neck , whilst im writng this reply to you.

It doesn't matter how down I feel, I love the spring, it lifts my heart.

I love the new colours, breaking through the greyness of winter.

And that's how I feel about the damn anxiety, we all have to put up with ,,,we have to break through the greyness

and come back into the light !

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,

But by the moments that take our breath away.

pete.

[miarose]

Hi shadow,just read your post,and I feel so angry at that so called doctor..how dare he say that to you.after all its people like us who are keeping them ,in their big salaries..you cant just stop xanax,I am taking it for 25 years,and it never did me any harm.they dont realise we need these to get through the day..we are not taking them for fun..how are you now..please keep posting and let us know...there are lots of otc products you can take..5htp,or rhodiola rosea or valerien..you wont get these in a chemist,go to holland and barrett or a back to nature shop..for advice...thinking of you love Miarose.xxxxx.