I don't know how to get my question/ problem on your list. I have tried. I'll try again: My husband died 14 months ago. I cannot get rid of

[Annie55406]

the depression and sorrow. I haven't made any progress. Please help me. It hasn't gotten any better over time. I am desperate. Thanks for listening.

Annie55406

[tinks2003]

Hi Annie

That post could have been from me. I lost my husband on Christmas Day 2012 and I am no further forward either. I have been having bereavement counselling for a year, a CPN as I have been hospitalised three times since. I took an overdose on Boxing Day 2012, spent six weeks in a pyschiatric ward, and then spent the three days over Christmas back there. I am on a lot of strong medicine and I know at times it stops me from crying. I am just getting over a bug and all I can think are black thoughts. I miss him so much. Every one has said to me time is a great healer but to me every day is harder. IO have been having tattoos done because it is the only way that I can express my pain. I also have a complaint with the hospital and have taken it to the Ombudsman. My husband's brother is being quite nasty to me and that isn't helping.

I am here if you want to talk.

Valxx

[Annie55406 in reply to tinks2003]

Hi, Val .... Have been thinking about you. Have you found anything (however temporary ) that gives you ant relief or insight to your anxiety and depression ? I hope you will answer me.

Annie55406

[tinks2003 in reply to Annie55406]

Hi Annie, I so wish I could say I have but I haven't. I resigned last year from my job of 13 years which I absolutely loved, but just felt I couldn't go back and have my colleagues having to pussy foot around me. My job and my husband were my life and now I have neither. My husband and I were together 20 years, married for 16. He has three children from his first marriage but I am only talking to the eldest, the other two treated their dad really badly.

I sleep, play computer games and eat rubbish. I have no idea how much I weigh but I know I have put on loads of weight. I don't cook.

I don't want to carry on without him if I'm honest.

Valxx

[Annie55406 in reply to tinks2003]

Dearest Valxx,

I am sorry it took me SO LONG to respond to your honest note.

That is kind of how I feel. I got one response from someone who

lost her husband 6 years ago, and she said it took her at least two years to begin to feel anywhere near normal again. It looks like both you and I will have to realize how very long it takes and

continue to just put one foot in front of the other no matter how we feel. I hope you will answer my post and tell me how you are doing.

I don't know how to do "chat" in this group so we could perhaps

carry on a private conversation.

Sincerely,

Annie

[Annie55406 in reply to tinks2003]

Dear Val,

I am writing yo ask how you are doing in adjusting to your husband's death.

You wrote a very kind response to me when I posted about my husband and the tough time it is to adjust.

Annie55406

[Hidden]

Hi Annie.

So sorry to hear of your loss, I think you may need a little more time to grieve as it is not a thing that has a set time limit and effects everyone differently. Have you been to see your doctor, they might be able to give you something to help with your depression.We are always here to listen and will give you support as best we can.

Take care Kenny-w

[Annie55406 in reply to Hidden]

Hi, Kenny-w ,

I appreciate your your note with helpful suggestions. I will save it.

You do an excellent job on holding this group together. Thank you so much.

Annie

[Annie55406 in reply to Hidden]

Dear Kenny-w,

I am wondering how to do "chat" so I can do some of my responses off the public 'posts'. Otherwise, it seems like I am taking an inordinate amount of space on your regular public 'postings'. Can you help me on this.

Thanks,

Annie

[Hidden]

Hi Annie,I was widowed nearly 6 years ago now,and it will get easier in time.

You are still in the very early stages if your grieving,and you just have to take it minute by minute,hour by hour and day by day.It is the hardest thing you will face,and it's a long lonely road that only you can travel.

Don't know if you have children and although they will mourn the loss of their dad,it's a totally different feeling for you.

At the moment you will probably think you have nothing to look forward to,but that does change.

When I lost my husband a friend said to me that I'd been robbed and that's just how I felt,I'd been robbed of the future and only had a past.I took me over 4 years to feel normal again.Last summer was the first time I could sit out in the garden,without rushing back indoors.

However sympathetic people are,and however genuinely sorry they are for your loss,only someone who has been through the same thing know exactly how you feel.

If you want to chat more just pm me.

Love Anne xxxx

[Annie55406 in reply to Hidden]

Dear Anne,

Thank you form your compassionate response. I would like to chat more with you. I note you use the term " pm " in regard to talking with you more. I do not know the meaning of " pm" in this context. What does this mean ? Please respond.

Sincerely,

Annie55406

[Annie55406 in reply to Hidden]

Dear Anne, I think my response to your note will show up in the public area. Look for it there. Actually, it would be good if we could ' chat ' in

private. How do we do this ? Sincerely, Annie55406

[Annie55406 in reply to Hidden]

How does one 'pm' in regarding communicating with another person who is also a part of this larger group ?

Annie55406

[Annie55406 in reply to Hidden]

Dear Anne,

I am so sorry I took so long to find your response. It is soooo. helpful. You are right about me feeling the grief more intensely than my two sons. They are good sons, but they are letting go of their grief MUCH faster than I can.

You are also right about feeling robbed. That is an excellent analogy.

How are YOU doing now. Do you have more advice to share ?

It is true....only one who has gown through this hell can possibly understand.

God bless you for writing such a sensitive note to me. Will you write back

and chat with me? Your note was such a help.

Most sincerely,

Annie XX OO

[Hidden in reply to Annie55406]

Hi Annie,

I'm glad you found what I said helpful.If I remember your husband died about 18 months ago?It really is still early days for you,but just take things one day at a time.Its 6 years of me next month and although that terrible despair and grief has eased I miss him every day.

Every time we have something special happen in the family,our grandkids 21st and 18th birthdays,our granddaughteres graduation.my mum 90th and only this week my granddaughter has become a house owner,there is a massive gap as he is not here to see it all.

Buying new things for the home or redecorating was so hard at first,as I felt that if he came back,which I know is silly,he wouldn't recognise our home,but that has passed now and I can change things without feeling guilty.

You may not believe it right now,because I didn't when people told me,but it does get easier to live with.You never forget,and you never stop wishing that they were here,but you do start to come to terms with life as it is.Your husband would not want you to live at the level of desperation you feel in the first few years,he would want you to live life to the full,and not feel guilty for enjoying things,

Hope this helps,please continue to chat.

Love Anne xxxx

[Annie55406 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so very much for your wise thoughts. I will keep them always.

Annie

[Hidden]

Hi Annie, there is no time limit on grieving. Have you had any counselling for your grieve or had anyone you can talk to about it? Have you been to see your GP?

I had a breakdown a year after my mum passed away I'm only just starting to turn the corner and I can see my life carrying on!!

A lot of us here understand.

Take care xx

[Annie55406 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your kind response, Winter12. It is encouraging to read that

you have reached the point of 'turning the corner' and that life seems to be coming together for you now.

I am also wondering if I might make use of " chat " in this group because I seem to be taking up a lot of space on the regular "Post " area .

Can you help me on this ?

Sincerely,

Annie

[Annie55406 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your helpful words

Annie

[Hidden]

14months is not that a long time,you will be devasted,it takes time but it will get better.My husband died 8 years ago,we had been married 40 years,It took me 3years to get over it,it does get easier,I believe that was the start of my anxiety. I was self employed and just worked and worked,that helped me,but when I retired anxiety became my constant companion .IT WILL get better slowly ,you will look back and realize that.

[Annie55406 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for a most helpful response. It helps me to realize that others took 2, 3 and even 4 years to begin feeling anywhere near 'normal'. And your words,

"It does get easier". give me a glimmer of hope.

Annie

[Annie55406 in reply to Hidden]

Your words were among the most helpful. Thank you.

Annie

[Hidden]

Hello Annie

Sorry for all your losses mentioned above.

Annie all I can say is that it can take in the region of two years getting over the death of a loved one. Even after that time period the cuts and bruises are still deep and you will really need to try and let go.

Over the years I have seen many pass over and it never gets any easier to pull our selves around, everyone is different and the feelings we suffer differ in all cases and it will depend on how much you feel of the person you have lost.

To really understand the position you are in you have to realize as birth is a action of the living , death is also the loss of relationships, that will still exist until our own very personal demise.

Both feelings need not be controlled and we also need to understand that we all need to continue on with our journey until we meet all our friends and family members at the end of this learning period.

You need to celebrate the person who has past over and put any regrets to the back of your mind as negativity is a really destroyer that makes our pathway that we are forced to take more upsetting than what the dead would wish us to suffer.

Try to remember the good times of the ended relationship, celebrate the fact that you knew that person and try and make positive feelings out of negative ones you may be suffering from. It will get easier as time passes and we all need to understand the joy of knowing those we have lost, during their lifetime

BOB