Oww

Getting a taxi home because my boyfriend's stressing me out. At this rate it'll have to be a detour to a&e. I can feel pain building up just under my ribcage. Trying to keep myself calm but I've never been good at going from company to no company. I know I need to go to avoid an argument/me getting any more worked up. But I'm having a tough time mentally preparing myself to get in a taxi and leave. Not to mention the regret I'll be feeling, despite the fact that right now I know it's the right thing to do.

10 Replies

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  • You will be ok. Just get in the taxi and away from added stress and take some DEEP breaths.

    Then you will be fine and realise that you did the best thing. Julie xx

  • Thanks Julie. Home now, just trying to keep my mind occupied with trivial things. Seems to keep the anxiety pains at bay xx

  • Hi Sapphire,

    I hope you are well.

    Breathing exercises, particularly mindful breathing is particularly useful. Staying focused on a task and keeping the mind occupied can be very helpful, and whilst you are busy 'doing' there is an element of avoidance. By keeping ourselves occupied it can be useful in the short term as we stay away from our worries or concerns. However, taking time to look at and rationalise these worries when we are in a better place can be more useful in the long term.

    We often employ Thinking Errors, but are totally unaware that our thoughts are not always facts...quite often our thoughts are opinion. We have a tendency to overestimate the 'danger' of a situation, and at the same time we underestimate our ability to cope with the situation.

    If we take time to write down our thoughts we are able to challenge them. Just ask "Is it a fact or an opinion?" you will be surprised how often you find it is just an opinion, but as you don't challenge it...you believe it to be true.

    Look at your first post "At this rate it'll have to be a detour to A&E" was this fact or opinion? Did you stop off at A&E on the way home? From your letter post it looks like you didn't. One of the most popular thinking errors when we are anxious is catastrophising. We have a tendency to look at the worst case scenario. There is an element of sense in doing this...if we fear the worst, we will be prepared, and anything else will be a bonus...after all, it can't possibly be as bad.

    You also wrote "I've NEVER been good at going from company to no company" I've put never in upper case as it is an example of a generalisation. Is there no occasion when you have coped with going from company to no company? It seems you managed to do it last night. It may not have been comfortable or enjoyable, but we could rephrase your "I've never..." to something like "I don't like going from company to no company, but I know I can do it" It softens the initial thought.

    Words that are useful to spot in our thoughts, and it's easier to do so when we write them down are should, need, must.

    "I know I need to go to avoid an argument/me getting any more worked up"

    By using the word need we can make things seem very black and white. It turns life into a PASS/FAIL situation. In this instance if you were unable to avoid the argument you predict you will get more worked up (and you are already imagining stopping of at A&E). Is there another way you can soften this thought so it doesn't seem as negative? It's not about turning things around completely to:

    "I'm going to have an argument and I won't get any more worked up" as you won't believe it...I know I wouldn't, but if we try:

    "It might be helpful to have an argument even though I will get more worked up, as it might help release a little of my frustration, and I'll be able to get my point across"

    Alternatively, can we replace the word argument with discussion. By doing this it can help to reduce the tension and the potential for an argument and confrontation (easier said than done).

    I hope you have a good day.

    Take care

    John

  • Thank you John. This advice is very helpful. I will try to use it when I start to get stressed about a situation. It's nice to get advice like this because I've not been able to get access to CBT or anything like that yet. And I've only had an hour of counselling so far. So thank you very much :)

  • Hi Sappy your doing the right thing. Why stay if it's causing you stress .

    You are valuing yourself by doing this.

    Be nice to yourself and be your own best friend.

    Hugs

    Hannah

  • Thank you Hannah, it's always nice to have reassurance from you. I can tell from your comments and messages that you're a lovely, kind, caring person :) Thank you for taking the time to reply :) hugs xx

  • if you are not coping with a situation and it is causing you unnessesary anxiety then you shouldn't feel guilty about not staying and I think it was brave of you to sort yourself out with a taxi. hope you are feeling better soon.

    MR

  • Thank you MR. Feeling much better now, thank you. Thank you for your reply :)

  • I hope you are okay today. That is tough especially when your boyfriend is causing you stress. Does he understand that he affects you like that?Supportive people are very important to help us during our recovery. Big Hugs!

  • Sapphire thanks for that lovely compliment, yes I think I m quite caring and kind

    How are you feeling today, hope your ok and feel free to mail me anytime ,

    When you get to a certain stage In life you have more compassion for yourself

    And then for others too.

    I never like if people give harsh answers to others problems, because everyone

    Is doing their best In life.

    Your photo is really nice.

    Hugs

    Hannah x

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