Hi all, hope you're all well and plodding on. Been off a few days due to the ever increasing jobs of being a mam. I had myself in a right muddle by leaving jobs to the last minute lol. Typical of me. Still I have caught up.
Think my virtual ship has been on rocky seas the last few days. One minute i'm up and then i'm down. I have a lot of brain fog at the moment, and some tough decisions to make. The holiday is looming, its friday. I know in my heart I am not ready to go, but how do I let my kids down again. I put across the idea to my hubby of me going and sitting in the caravan and seeing if I dare go out, but he said no as it will spoil his and the kids,s holiday. I dont want to stay home alone, as I will not cope. I will have 7 days with no one but myself. No one visits or calls me. My mam will not come to see me as she thinks Im being stupid with anxiety. Ohh decisions, I know the hubby means well and he doesn't wanna let the boys down, but i sometimes wonder if he needs a break from me. I asked if I could go into hospital for the week but they said no:/ Im not mad enough lol x the only agreement we have is if they go they will come back a day early :/
Ive also had the mental health team out today, they seem to think I getting the best help I could be with cbt therapy. Medication is not needed as its more my past bothering me. Didn't understand that part!! I mean surely with anxiety its a bit of everything. I told them how my cbt makes me feel weird as its stirred up all my past and makes me think, he said it shows its working. As I answered a lot of my own questions about why I am like I am. Progress?? He also said in order to fix the past, we need to break it all down toss all the balls in the air and only catch the ones we need, those that fall were never needed. Mm still that part done x
WEdnesday next big day x health m.o.t. eekkk, ecg to put my mind at rest and blood tests galore. How can I have ha if I have no wonky parts lol, thats the theory anyway. Then the cbt therapist is back xx
Anyway thats my ships progress, we aint sunk yet lol x Donver xx