Just getting my anxieties off my chest...........

As some of you know last year when I found this site it was a godsend for me to air my anxieties...... well I ended my relationship and moved home after giving up my job and life to be with someonelse further up north..... that has been hard to try and pick up the pieces of my life which I have not achieved yet.

But my biggest heartache is my son, I had a very abusive relationship with his father and when we split up finally and I left with my son and went to my mums,. my ex made mine and all my families lifes a nightmare, he terrorised us all until I let my son go and live with him, I thought he would leave me alone when he got what he wanted.

But it has continued, Im not saying Ive been an Angel and I know Ive made mistakes, but I always did my best for my son and I thought we had maintained a good relationship.

But his second year of Uni he changed and started being arrogant etc , stopped talking to me, allsorts, basically I couldn't do right for wrong. He said I was hassling him just cos I was ringing to see how he was n what was going on...... well basically I think his dad has poisoned him mind....And when he accused me of something I said its about time you knew my side of the story, which he doesn't want to hear.

So for the last 2 years it has been difficult, last Oct he told me to f-off...... I send Xmas message to say I know you've told me to f-off but yorue my son and I love you...... Once again he said I'll make this clear f-off out of my life......

So Ive left it, until a couple of weeks ago I just text n said I miss you and love you,,, but I cant go on like this with a broken heart, so Ive rang him, he couldn't speak but said Ill contact later, which he text and said maybe tomorrow Ill let you know...... then last night text saying I need a couple of days and Ill be in touch when Im ready..... So yup you guess anxiety is high but strangely not as bad as earlier in the week when I felt hopeless and like I had no control ,, I know he may say I don't want to be in your life which is obv not what I want to hear, but I cant live a half life, if he doesn't want me in his life, I have to grieve and come to terms with it.............

Anyway I just wanted to get this off my chest..............

Not looking for answers cos don't think there are any easy ones but just getting rid of thoughts in my head........

[Hidden]

Thinking of you Hun.... Got the same sort of thing with my sister...not easy. Xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you xxx

[Hidden]

Thinking of u Anne, it must be be very hard for u as our kids mean the world to us xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you..... it is and the main cause of my anxiety........I will let you all know what the outcome is! thanks for your support xx

[lovalova1991]

Read your post. We're here for you hun! It is going to be fine xxx

[Hidden in reply to lovalova1991]

Thank you, it means a lot.............xx

[Hidden]

I think kids can be very ungrateful, hopefully as he matures his attitude will improve

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you , I hope so............. its heartbreaking xx

[Hidden]

hi anne, what a heartbreaking story, in tears reading it to my wife, its so obvious your son is your life , I hope he

comes to his senses and realises what a fantastic mother you are, you have been thru so much over the last year , lets hope he comes to his senses and realises just how much he means to you. lovexxx

[looking-glass34 in reply to Hidden]

Hi anne,

You sound like a lovely mum, to care about him so much. He ll come back to you, he sounds confused, maybe all the time away at unis given him space to think and he s just sorting his head out.

Looking Glass xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your support, it always has been very hard, Ive always felt guilty for letting him go live with his dad, but I thought that was the better option than two waring parents............ xx

[formidible]

Hi Anne. Do you think its wise to keep in contact with your ex? I like to give my honest opinion and you can of course ignore me, but maybe your ex is using your son to keep ties with you and has not moved on? I think its important that your son knows your side of the story and I hope you can communicate that to him some how, even if it is by letter. I don't think you should be having any contact at all with your abusive ex. Your son is your son, and I don't think you have any chance of losing him if you are honest with him. Maybe he can choose who he wants to live with himself?

[Hidden in reply to formidible]

thanks for your reply ............ I missed seeing it........... I don't have contact with my ex, my son is now 25 but he does still live with his father at the min and I know he controls the situ........... but this isn't really about him, he has moved on and is married but he just has a controlling nature........I appreciate what you say, but I think my son knowing my side wont help, he dosnet want to know.... and after all, it is his father. He has agreed to talk to me but with condiditons , one of them being not to talk aoubt mine and his dad past.............. so Im hoping we can build some bridges..... thanks for your concern though I do appreciate it and agree.......x