Horrible dreams getting worse (+ 1st therapist meeting)

[alicia_92]

The past couple of weeks have been really good for me. Like, REALLY good. I visited London with a couple of friends and had such a wonderful time- we were so busy there was no time for my mind to start playing up to its old tricks and making me feel down.

The day after I got back I had my first meeting with my therapist. Overall, it went quite well (ended up crying once but talking a lot about everything) and have arranged a 2nd appointment for next week to start CBT therapy, which I'm both apprehensive and excited about.

Then I went to Leeds with my boyfriend, have been to the cinema and had my hair done yesterday which I was really looking forward to. So all in all, it's been a pretty good few days.

But then of course, my stupid horrible head decided to ruin it all for me again... looks like my nasty dreams are back, which in most cases leave me feeling wretched and confused for the majority of the day. I'm talking about the sort of dreams where they are so utterly realistic, and really applicable to my life, that when I wake up I have to lie there and think/convince myself that they weren't real.

Last night's one featured my boyfriend and this girl that I've never been too sure about (they had a one-time thing about a year ago before we got together), and finding her old diary which I then started to read, and finding pictures of my boyfriend and reading that she was madly in love with him. The dream went on vaguely to include me getting really upset but my boyfriend not denying it, and instead finding it funny.

Now in real life, I know that he doesn't have any feelings of that sort for her, but because it's something I've always been insecure about, my brain is starting to convince myself that the dream is actually true... Part of me knows I'm being ridiculous, but another part is now considering just asking him so I can seek reassurance and ultimately feel better about it and put it behind me. Just because of one little dream today has so far been rubbish, I'm hating the sunshine (which I usually love), I'm hating my new hair and kicking myself for spending money to get it done, and all the other classic "what are you even doing with your life?" comments start flowing into my mind, making me feel worse and worse gradually.

I know this is such a long post for what seems like such a melodramatic rant, but I know talking on here can make me feel better. xxx

[BriarRose]

Hi Alicia - I think those sort of dreams are a bit like when you KNOW you need to clear out the fridge but have put it off - so you dream you're doing it, and find dead courgettes and cheese growing penicillin at the back. The fridge isn't really that bad (well, mine might be lol but mostly not!) - but because we're worrying about it, our horrible little subconscious comes up with the "worst case" scenario. You say you feel insecure, so your brain decided to find a "reason" for your insecurity - it isn't true, but the subconscious doesn't care about that. Maybe addressing the reasons for your insecurity with your therapist will help with that?

Oh, and as for the hair do (well done) - that's classic, I used to "go over" what I'd done and wish I'd done the other thing. I managed to stop myself eventually by thinking "It was the best decision I could make at the time. Period." You could try that, it might work - it has for me!

And keep blogging, it does help to get all this stuff out!

Hugs

Rose

xxxx

[Hidden]

O bless you

I have had all weird dreams over the years , I have woke up nearly crying thinking they were happening

I think my anxiety lets things play on my mind & then they get jumbled up & come out in nasty dreams

But remember they are dreams & not real

Maybe some of your dreams are what you fear , I have had many that when I look at them after , i no they are my fears & then I have to start dealing with them

Hope you have a better day

(((((((hugs))))))))