All in all not too bad a day. I managed to let a different person into the house without totally embarrassing myself. This is what I have decided most of my anxiety is. As a teenager I was shy and very self aware that I was embarrassing. I constantly used to worry what others thought of me, I also think this is what the bullies picked up on. At primary school I was told I would make a very good public speaker! At secondary school there was no way on this earth I would do anything that made others look at me. when I got my first job I had to be trained on answering the phone because I was scared to answer it.
It was only really when I got the job I'm in now, I'm a Health and Family support worker with Sure Start, I teach baby massage and parenting courses, I go to houses and talk with families. I am constantly talking to people! I have dealt with ofsted driven them around and taken them on home visits, I run a breast feeding group with my volunteers.
I have always been an anxious sort of person. This bout of anxiety started in October whilst we were on a cruise (never again)! It came to a peek in April this year and I have been off sick since. Usually during my bouts of anxiety I have panic attacks I get them under control and carry on, this is the worst I've been.
I feel like my safety blanket has been taken from me when my mum died. I am now refusing to go any further than about 1 mile from home. I don't like different people coming into the house, I'm ok with family, my sons best friend and the daughters new boyfriend!
In April I seemed to shut down I couldn't do the shopping I really don't know how I managed to get the children to school and do all the shopping and just generally get on with the normal things in life. Although I could go out!
I'm an expert at scuppering nice things for myself, then I feel disappointed that I haven't gone. In the last two weeks I've missed a hen night and the wedding, I've cancelled the electrician twice and had a panic when the blind man ( blinds for the kitchen window) rang to say he was on his way, I had booked this and then cancelled it!
He came today instead, I started to feel anxious when he said he would be 20mins. When he arrived all I could think was I'm going to panic in front of him this is so embarrassing I cannot ask him to leave, I cannot run away what do I do?
He did stay and I did choose a blind design and I did make a decision!
Anyway that's my essay done for tonight xxxx
Can anyone give me some advice?
Muscle spasms constant.. please give me hope
Giving In To The Anxiety. 
Lightheaded and pressure headaches
Dizzy, anxious, impending doom, ear fullness and headaches
