Just something that I've been thinking about then I wanted to know what other people thought.
Do any of you have someone that you can tell how your feeling and them always be there and supportive.
It's just for years I was always inside my own head and people used to tell me to open up more "it's not healthy being locked away" So over the years I've tried to be more open with people and since my anxiety started maybe a bit more, but what I have realised is that people are only too happy to say "I'm here anytime you need to talk" but really they are only there if they don't actually need to be.
21 Replies
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Hi
I like you last sentence
Have you noticed when you are out & someone says "hello are you alright " and expect you to say yes fine , even when you are in the GP'S you get people saying this & everyone is going yes fine Thank you , I sit there thinking what are we all doing here then if we are fine
Well me I can be out or someone comes & when they say how are you & I come out with crap to be honest , it makes me laugh , cos the look on their faces , you can tell that's not what they expected me to say & they don't no how to answer
So I think well why did you ask then
So yes I do agree , people will offer as long as you don't tell them
You can have people I your life that will listen though , but it can be hard for them to understand at the same time , at least people do on here though
Love
whywhy
xxx
• in reply to
Yes whywhy! You have got what I mean
My GP's always go "how are you" and I used to be like why am I saying fine, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't haha! It's like when someone says "do you want anything from the shop" they are hoping you say no!
I've had someone tell me I'm dragging them down even though they said if I ended to chat they would be there, so this is why I'm curious as to what everyone else thought
Xx
I no what you are saying , I try & see humour with all this , I think you have to
But you are not on your own
Try & see the funny side if you can , I no it can be hard at times
But I will still stick with if people ask me if I am ok , they will get an honest answer , & if they don't like it , I say well you did ask
And I do speak up more than I ever used to & if someone says you are dragging me down I will say well sorry , didn't mean to , but you did offer
xxx
Hi Ashley,
Spot on there.............I've never felt there is anyone I can really talk to or explain this to sufficiently, for them to understand.
I think people do try, but unless they have been there how can they, and even then only in that moment.
I think for us its important to be open and honest, but we cant expect anyone to understand. I guess therapists are as close as we get to someone who understands.
Baylienxxx
• in reply to
Hi B
Seen your post on not changing the toilet Roll good job you corrected it & said you did really , nearly had a funny do
The other one I like as well is when people say whats the matter
Then they say "Be honest " you say are you sure , they say "Yes " so you say whats on your mind & then they fall out with you
love that one , you think well that went down well
Think its life & people & we have to see things for what they are
Now , go & make sure there is plenty of toilet roll
xxx
• in reply to
Haha
the ROLLS are all in order
Was out at 8am tesco's training and a brisk walk, very bracing it was too.
I know what you mean, when they say be honest, and then they get like a bucket of dirty water engulf them in so much pain they just cant handle it, and to be honest nor can we
I just say I'm surviving and smile
Sorry for the toilet rolls whywhy, there all ship shape now
Bxxx
• in reply to
Yes I no , but if I do ask someone to be honest , I no I might not like what I hear , so I do deal with it , if I don't ask you to be honest ...well that could be another story
Phew relief Toilet Rolls all in order , when you said I just look into here eyes & say does it matter , I was screaming YES IT DOES
Made me laugh though , still working on the OCD , incase you havnt noticed
xxx
• in reply to
OCD me to but secretly
I'm a casual OCDer, well I try
hope you good today
Bxxx
• in reply to
O B
You have kept this OCD a bit of a secret hey
Casual
Well I would settle for that , if I could get to casual
Hope you have a good day to
xxx
• in reply to
Yes you are right I've realised that therapy is the only place you are sort of understood but even then if I was being paid £70 an hour to listen to people moaning I'd be understanding as well haha!
Xx
• in reply to
lol, thats why you book for the NHS CBT.
God, hope your rich Ashley, I'd be homeless after one session lol
Hi there - not quite the same thing, but remember a woman writing in a women's magazine about when she lost her husband - all "their" friends suddenly disappeared, people crossed the road cos they didn't know what to say to her! Then finally she me one "friend" in the street, who said "I'm so sorry, I've been praying for you!" As the women said, it was very nice of the "friend" to pray for her - but she didn't know she was and a phone call saying "Anything I can do?" would have been nice too!!!!
My grandmother has a saying - Laugh, and the world laughs with you; Weep, and you weep alone; For this old earth, must borrow its mirth. It has troubles enough of its own!
Sadly, too true of most people! There are some brilliant exceptions, though, sometimes.
Yes Rose its sort of the same logic I think. I must be different to most people because when I said to my friends if they ever need to vent or talk I'm always there and you know what, I always am. I guess I'm just very loyal maybe
Xx
• in reply to
Think because we suffer , we are more sensitive , this also makes us more loyal & better listeners (well most of is I think)
Try not to take it personally if you can
I do often think , if I didn't suffer would I be as patient & understanding & I honestly don't no
Just make sure you don't give more than you can & be used , a mistake I have made often
You know, Ashley, it's sometimes the most unexpected people who do understand. I was working for a lawyer years ago - very money-orientated organisation, very full-on, I hadn't been there long and I was TERRIFIED of my boss I was also very worried about my mum, who wasn't at all well Well, one day, it all came to a head, and I can't quite remember, but I think I burst into tears in the office. My boss said - Come into my office! and I thought - oh, that's it, I've lost my job as well! He sat me down, said What's wrong? It isn't the job, is it, because you MUSTN'T let the job get to you, it's just a job. So I told him about my mum, and he was absolutely lovely!!!!! Think he told me to take the rest of the day off!!! People can be surprising!
What gets me is the people i most "need" to understand - family - don't or, I suspect, won't - I have to pretend that everything is fine. And there's no point in saying - well don't, cos if I did say how i felt, it would be my "fault" - so better not to say anything. But it does hurt!
Do you know this one - the clean version lol!
Fouled up
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional
= FINE
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Ashley there are some great comments here which I agree with. The only thing I will say is that I don't think any one person can be there full time for you. Everyone has their own problems and can't usually take the full weight of anothers. I find it best to have a few people I can offload to at different times. As long as you understand that friends sometimes have to offload to you too otherwise its an unequal relationship. Only talk to true friends because they do care as you care about them.
Yes I agree - open up more. Theres nothing to be gained from being closed in...
In answer to your question, no. I used to be able to tell my mam some things but as she's very anxious herself always had to be selective. Now she is in the early stages of dementia we've reached that point where it's me taking care of her not her taking care of me.
Being a single parent to a teenager with anxiety problems too means I'm kind of stuck trying to be 'the strong one' when I feel anything but.
I have one good friend who would listen, but when I see her I don't want to say too much fearing that she may get sick of my 'moaning'.
I too get tired of saying 'I'm fine', but think mostly the question is an act of politeness rather than a genuine enquiry into your well-being.
I think others have said it better than me, the only people who will really listen are those that are paid to do so, or on a place like this, hopefully. I'm new here so still trying to find my way around.
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I was also very worried about my mum, who wasn't at all well 
He sat me down, said What's wrong? It isn't the job, is it, because you MUSTN'T let the job get to you, it's just a job. So I told him about my mum, and he was absolutely lovely!!!!! 
Anxiety is not to be underestimated. 
Anxiety
Any advice on how to live with anxiety? 
