Dreading tomorrow

Got a friends funeral tomorrow, don't really like being trapped knowing I can't leave if I want too so I'm totally panicking that I start to panic. I'm lying in bed here dreading it, my whole chest/stomach are in knots.

Think a lot of it may be my whole fear of death thing as well, it's a childhood friend so I have to go but I really wish I didn't need to :-(

12 Replies

  • Hi Ashley,

    I try and stand at the back of the church, crematorium, then if needed I can slip out.

    At my nephews I just couldn't face the church, and explained to my brother, and joined them at the burial, as I wanted to say goodbye and pay my respects. I found the feelings of sorrow, over powered my anxiety, and all I could feel as the loss, and the sadness.

    We can only do what we can do at this time Ashley, no need to beat yourself up, its the anxiety. Whatever you do, you can pay your respects in your own way and that will be ok.

    wishing you well


  • I think I will try and stand up the back if possible, I know the fact I'm there counts for something at least no matter where I sit.


  • Hello Ashley

    You have my deepest sympathy and understanding.

    At my daughter's funeral I stayed for the service and left straight afterwards.I just could not face talking to anyone.

    At the moment I am having a massive panic attack........chest pains....back pains......cold sweats so my thoughts are with you


  • Hi Derek so very sorry ur having a rough time at the mo,hope ur soon feelin a bit better xxxx

  • Thanks for your kind words, I got through it in the end, it was very busy so I just stood up the back.

    Home now and decided to wash my car but I've starte having palpitations really bad, don't know if it's just because if all the emotions of today.

    Hope you are feeling better xx

  • Hi Ashley,

    I'm so sorry to hear that your childhood friend has died, my thoughts are with you.

    I completely understand why you're worrying but I think going to the funeral could be helpful as the closure you need when a friend passes, of you course you don't have to go but perhaps a small part of you wants to be able to say goodbye.

    As Baylien suggested, try to stay near the back so you can pop out if it all becomes too much for you. Everyone's attentions will be elsewhere and no one will judge you - everyone grieves in different ways and so whether you're overcome by your emotions or your anxieties no one would mind if you excused yourself :)

    I hope it goes okay tomorrow, best wishes :)

    Katy xx

  • Even now after nearly 4since my son died I have to sit at the back of my church,coz sometimes I find the services so overwhelming that I usually cry or have to leave,sit at the back ,no one will mind or notice ,honest

  • Hi Katy

    Thanks for your words, as I said above I got throught it. Was very emotional and my body is certainly suffering for it just now. I've not had a great sleep so I feel drained.

    Hopefully feel better tomorrow.

    How are you feeling now? Xx

  • I'm so glad you got through it, you should feel proud of yourself and I hope you feel like it was the right thing to do for you? :) It's all done now so hopefully you can have some time for yourself to look after you.

    I'm feeling more calm, thankyou :) Still a bit anxious about driving this evening but I'm going to make sure the feeling doesn't beat me! I hope it works :S


  • Just go along and say goodbye to your friend in your own way ,I have found god since my son died,yest I had to go an errand which meant going up a lane I don't like ,I tried twice and come back home,the 3rd time I said to myself I'm gonna do it and prayed for god to b with me ther and back,and I did,it's fear ,and thers only us wat can do it,I hate being like this,but one day I'm b fine,however long it takes

  • I'm really sorry to hear about your son, it was hard watching my friends mum today, I've know them all my whole life so it's hit me more hard.

    Good for you though for facing your fear, you should be so proud of yourself ;-)


  • I had a funeral a few months back my cousin died and although i was suffering panic attacks feeling dizzy stomach doing cartwheels and visiting the loo i went.

    I sat at the back and thought at least i am here to say farewell which was the hardest road i have walked in a long time.

    All the family went back to some function afterwards my sister said we should go but i was in a complete panic i kept going out having a cig then making some excuse to get out of company as the place was packed.

    Try and compose yourself to see past being scared and put yourself in a position where you do not feel uncomfortable and can leave. People will understand.

    This is a challengue and one hurdle you are facing head on so give yourself some credit.

    I am sorry for your loss and please God all goes well.


    Love Seyi xxx

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