Moving on............

well its been a pretty rough week...... after seeing my ex back on the dating site..... I was gutted and I had a day crying...... I dont know why really..... I wouldnt want to go back to that situation....

but I was still gutted.....selfish I suppose....... I cant even think about dating..... I did put my profie back on the site , but really only to piss him off..............

I think it was just a final realisation that hes not gona do anything to keep me, and for me to be in that relationship, I had to go along with what him and his mother deemed fit........

So I guess I was crying for my lost relationship, one that started so well , with high hopes and I really though Id found 'a good one' even if I did think that it was strange he'd never had a serious relationship at 48........... mmmm thouse warning bells were there, and I chose to ignore.....

Other factors too that I made excuses for............ namely a stack of porn (sorry I know this is personal) but I have to get it off my chest........... Yeah caught him a few times on the internet looking at porn while I was in the house.... and I put this down to his medical problem with being type 1 diabetic,,, and they have circulation problems, if you get my drift...... but this made me feel crap and Ive lost a lot of confidence......

Why do I always make excuses for them and blame myself when the relationship fails.........

Anyway I just wanted to blog this and get it off my chest............

So Im moving forward........... slowly.............. Im not dating............ I cant do that............. Im just not ready............ Im going to concentrate on me, and getting my hat hiring business sorted.....

Heres to a good weekend............ Im going over to Lincoln to have the weekend with my mate......

HOPE EVERYONE ELSE HAS A NICE WEEKEND......

Ker xxxxxx

[Hidden]

Hey you

You have a good weekend in Lincoln..................its the norm to make excuses up for them, even blame yourself and think "what did i do wrong". when in fact its nothing to do with us...........its them. I keep looking on sites about pushing people away when you have anxiety wondering if this is what is going on. Its mad. Go have a chill out weekend. I was supposed to go see a friend, she let me down at the last mo, hasnt helped me feel great about myself........................but this is life. Ranting is good. xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

thanks Lou............ Ah thats pants............ If I hadnt of been going there I would have done something.............

Try and have a nice weekend, go shopping.... dont stay in............

Catch yo0u later xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi Anne,

Enjoy your weekend at Lincoln, forget your ex- (easy said than done) and put all your efforts into your hat business, you have such a talent.

Wishing you well xx

[Hidden]

Apologies for my misunderstanding comment before (now deleted) - completely misread a section of your blog thought you were the T1 diabetic. My bad. I'm a T1 too, but female.

Your relationship did sound unhealthy but it did sound like he didn't really open up to you (or he clammed up because he was in denial about his D issues) which to be fair is quite common of Type 1s. We often can be too full of pride to ask for help and often reaching out to a loved one is very hard to do (but worth it if the effort is made). Thank goodness I've made that effort so I speak from experience.

As for the porn problem - if you spoke up and he ignored you, then it's possible it was an emotionally abusive relationship anyway. Guys like that are very emotionally immature usually so it's probably for the best.

Don't worry too much about being sad about it - that's a natural part of the grieving process. You sound like you know what you need to do - look after yourself and find something fun to do and build your confidence back up - that is a great idea.

Best wishes and sorry again.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

thanks for your comments, I didnt see the previous post so Im not sure what you mean, but I hope I didnt offend anyone?? xx

[KatyCee]

Oh Anne it's horrible to hear that you've had a rough week

It does sound like you were crying for the lost relationship because ultimately, beneath the hurt, it sounds like you believe it's the right thing that it ended. No one should make you feel crap and make you lose your confidence, for whatever reason. Breaking up with someone is a mourning process really, and the first time you see they've decided to move on that feeling can kick back in again... regardless of how you feel towards them now.

I'm glad that you're going to take some time to concentrate on yourself and the weekend in Lincoln sounds like a great place to start

Sending you lots of love,

Katy xx

[Hidden in reply to KatyCee]

thanks for your comments Katy..... I dont know what Id do without this site at the min!!

xx