postpartum moods- today is a good day

[BlueStroganoff]

I feel like I am climbing out of the rage/anger and the little cloud that is usually over my head is very small today. I’m really cherishing this moment of relative calm. The kids are sweet today. I was able to get my work done today. My house is in chaos, but I am not bothered by it right now. I know this is temporary… this is why I have put off seeing someone about it. I hit these moments of relative calm and then I think, “see, it’s better, I don’t need help” and then WHAM, it all comes back with a vengeance. It has been 10 months since I had my baby. I am still on a waitlist for mental health services and I am going to stay on it for now and get the counseling, even if I am feeling better, because I just feel like the pendulum is going to swing back and that little cloud is going to get big again. It feels like a rollercoaster of high emotion (good and bad, moving in hot and fast) and then it slows down (calm demeanor, ability to be patient and not let things get under my skin easily, almost like how I used to be). That switch happened so fast at first, feeling a range of strong emotions hour upon hour, then for days at a time, then for weeks at a time, then it started to slow down probably around the 5 month mark for me. And then it would be this cloud just hanging over everything, making everything a little dull, a little sad, but the emotions were mostly in check and the main emotion was *sad*. And then WHAM, the anger and explosion of emotions would rear its ugly head. My advice to anyone who just hopped on the rollercoaster- don’t wait to get help! Get on the lists ASAP!

[VelvetSkies]

Thinking of you!

[BlueStroganoff]

Thank you for your reply! I am on a waitlist to see a psychiatrist, as well as a therapist. I think it’s just where I live that the waitlists to see ANY provider are long! My PCP is the one who referred me. I sent her a message essentially saying I felt crazy and I needed some help, and i asked if maybe I could benefit from medication. She called me back same day and was quick to call around and it was the same everywhere- earliest appointments were for May. I did have an intake. I can call them anytime if I am in a crisis. I do have supportive family, but I feel like a burden at this point. Others had suggested looking for books at the library as a resource, and I figured I would do some online research on different books that might help- I got a postpartum depression workbook written by a social worker who works in perinatal mental health, so I’m hoping that will help as I wait. I spoke with a friend who did say to look into online therapy services, I might do that if in another week or two I do not receive a call back. How long did your PPD last? My symptoms slowed down at 5 months, but it’s been 10 months now and I’ll still get strong rage, and I have a nearly constant cloud over my shoulder.