is this PPD?

[BlueStroganoff]

I am wondering if what I am experiencing is postpartum depression? The first 12 weeks after having my daughter, I found I had a lot of anxiety and a feeling overwhelm with the baby. I also have a 3 year old, who had just turned 3, so his main communication style was tantrums. So I just felt fried with all the screams and the resistance I’d meet at dinner time, and bath time, and bed time. And then with the baby, she’d feed and then take forever to fall back asleep… I just would get so angry I would feel like shaking some sense into the baby. I never did, I would have to tell myself, “don’t shake the baby.” And with my son, I would get so angry that I would want to handle him roughly. I would have to tell myself, “gentle, handle gently.” Or walk away. At one point I did leave the house in the middle of bed time. I just got in my car and drove away because my son was screaming and resisting bedtime and I just felt an overwhelming sense of rage combined with inadequacy combined with, “I gotta get out of here.” My husband was home with the children at the time. I’m 10 months postpartum now. Things are a lot better and the quick rise of rage and anger has subsided a lot. But I still cannot cope with regular stressors. I still get angry to the point I am a yelling mess. I have not been physical with anyone and I don’t want to hurt myself or my children. I have a strong and constant feeling of self loathing. I love my kids and I can find pleasure in spending time with them, but I am struggling to make efforts in maintaining the home, my memory is suffering at work. I just don’t feel like myself. My baseline is just… overwhelm and feeling of bleh. What is this? And what can I do to stop feeling so angry? Are there any books people can recommend to me to teach me how to manage these feelings?

[gettingsomewhere]

Hello and welcome to our caring community.

I'm sorry you are struggling. It's incredibly tough being a mum even at the best of times. Your description of being overwhelmed and rapid mood swings sounds very much like my daughter.

She was diagnosed a month after the birth of her baby 16 months ago by a routine questionnaire taken by the health visitor. She had to wait 3 months for NHS support which is where I stepped in to help! Eventually her & her husband got counselling and she started going to a peer support group which has been invaluable.

Have you seen your GP about this or any other post maternity services? We aren't qualified to diagnose here so I would suggest that first.

I hope you're able to get some help. Good luck!

[BlueStroganoff in reply to gettingsomewhere]

Hi, thank you so much for replying. Yes, my OB had suggested I speak with someone and I went to a support group at one point but couldn’t attend regularly due to scheduling and then returning to work. I finally reached out to my GP and she put me in touch with mental health services, but I’m in a waitlist

[gettingsomewhere in reply to BlueStroganoff]

Hi that's a shame you couldn't continue with a support group as my daughter has found that the best. I wonder if there any online groups as the next best thing. Sharing with others who are experiencing similar.

My daughter was also referred for CBT but she didn't need it as her issues were to do with post natal depression. She didn't want to take medication but eventually went to her GP and was prescribed 50mg sertraline daily. Now she's doing very well.

She has learnt coping skills and held it altogether when they moved house last week....whereas I was a bundle of nerves!

I hope you don't have to wait too long for MH services.

[BlueStroganoff in reply to gettingsomewhere]

Yes, it was very helpful the time I went. The other group I was told about locally meets during my work hours, as well. But I will look into online communities, similar to this one. I created a profile out of need and saw this was related to anxiety/depression. I will have to look into some additional online resources, thank you for that advice!

[Dolphin14]

BlueStroganoff

This is an overwhelming time in your life. Mothering and hormones stress the body and mind

This should be brought up to your OB Dr. Jave you discussed with someone?

❤️🐬

[BlueStroganoff in reply to Dolphin14]

Hi, thank you for replying, yes I spoke with both OB and GP, but GP was more recently and I’m on a waitlist for services.

[Dolphin14 in reply to BlueStroganoff]

Oh good

My daughter went through this. She had to attend a program.

Keep us posted

Wishing you the best

[blackcat64013]

I am sorry to say that the "baby blues" seem to have arrived. Don't wait until you are at the end of your tether to look after yourself.Your local library should be able to recommend books 📚 on the subject or you can order online with Amazon. Don't forget there are now podcasts and e-books.

Attending group events for mothers and babies 👶 will also help you get out of the house & to meet with others mothers.

Sending you 💓 from Australia.

[BlueStroganoff in reply to blackcat64013]

Thank you! I will check out our library. I’m on a waitlist for mental health services, but I do feel like I’m reaching the end of my tether