I’m in such a negative mindset today. The snow came and I really am not okay with what it’s done. I feel useless and unwanted, feel like I’m not a valuable addition to the world or those who are in my life.
All I want is to build myself up and feel that I am worthy and be confident. I want to stop feeling like I’m not appreciated and that people’s words are lies. I want the nauseas feeling in my gut to stop me from wanting to sob and die.
Why is it so hard to feel good enough? How can I start to love myself and project that in how I carry myself? Just how. I hate feeling so useless and stuck in a circle going nowhere
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Scatteredtulips
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I'm sure you're not worthless and I sincerely believe everybody can contribute a little something to this world. I've been unable to process what's happening around, as the world closes in on itself as the coronavirus temporarily changes our world.
I live alone and suffer from anxiety and a mood disorder. All my volunteering work has been suspended, here in the UK and we're all being asked to stop seeing our friends etc.
Hope you find something to enjoy today. Snow flakes can be wonderful to watch. Take care x
The fact that you are using this forum is already a significant step towards showing yourself that you value yourself. Many people don't ask for help. Many people suffer alone or simply blame everyone else. You seem a thoughtful person and that is something that you can celebrate.
It may be worth considering that the thoughts that come into our heads about our feeling useless and unwanted are only a part of our person. These thoughts have probably been present since early childhood. They may well have been bought into as a child due to some form of neglect or abuse. The world is a very scary place for a child and when sufficient supportive, secure love isn't available to the child the only conclusion that they may arrive at is that they are unworthy of love. The child doesn't have the capacity to blame the parents. The parents are gods in the eyes of the child. So the child turns inwards and blames themeselves.
However, it is important to recognise that the familiar voice of unworthiness isn't the totality of our personality.
The part of us that is wanting to stop feeling this way, the part of us that wants to contribute and construct is always present, although not always very well developed.
The act of bringing one's awareness to the feelings of unworthiness and then trying to dialogue with it can be very helpful.
If one can have a look at the anxious voice of insecurity and try and imagine it as a small frightened child and to offer it words of loving reassurance, this might help.
I like to think of anxiety as a small child who has gone to a shopping mall with it's mother or father and all of a sudden the child looks up and the mother is nowhere to be found. The anxiety in that moment is profound. It is highly likely that the mother is not very far at all but for that moment the child feels an overwhelming sense of abandonment.
One can imagine what the child feels like when the mother returns and embraces the child and tells the child that he/she is loved and that Mum or Dad made a mistake and will never do that again.
This is what we need to do to ourselves, to our own inner child that is so full of the insecurities of this world. We can be our own inner parent to our own inner frightened child.
We have all the tools inside us. It can take practice, therapy and some work to uncover them but rest assured, you are no different than the rest of us.
We are all struggling in this world. We are all full of insecurities. It is a fact of life. Anyone who says that they don't struggle is probably in denial and quite shut off from their deeper life.
Struggle brings out the best in all of us. It certainly isn't easy. It is really painful. But, the successes and triumphs, and they surely come, are worth it.
Please keep on posting on here. You are anonymous and we all help each other.
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