Lonesome Loser

[Lonely112]

Ive have dealt with anxiety and panic disorder since 2010, not sure what caused it, maybe childhood trauma, maybe failed relationships, maybe ptsd from jail time. I never got profesional help till about 2015 when I found an affordable psychiatrist. Until then I was using xanax that I bought off the street. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I was prescribed xanax and an anti depressant that only made my restlessness worse. Tried another anti depression that also failed. Stayed on xanax to deal with panic attacks and bad anxiety. I had always prayed to God for help cuz my life was going nowhere. I believe He helped me because I stopped needing the xanax and started living a more normal life. My father passed in 2021 and I got Covid in 2022 which seemed to bring back my anxiety. 3 years later and im right back where I was in 2013. Afraid to venture too far from my comfort zone. Cant go over bridges or the freeway. The corner store is my everything at this point. Im trapped in a prison cell which is my apartment and my mind. Being alone is terrifying to me most if the time. My family rarely visits me. Lost my girlfriend. Im pathetic. Guess I don't blame them. Keep praying to God to get me out of this hole. He is all I have besides the same street purchased xanax, alcohol and my dog Texan. Sad ...miserable....waste of life....

[LazyXrayEyes2255]

You are trying and medication is your choice. Look for friends that can help you in your journey. Pray as it gives you strength. You might not see big changes yet but every step counts and your life matters. Things will get easier and you just have to keep going. Corner shop is very good start. Do things you live or would like to. Plan it is the point that will make difference to your life.

[Lonely112 in reply to LazyXrayEyes2255]

Thank you for your support. I've been reading others posts and it is so sad how mental illness can just rob us of our lives. Living in fear of everything is horrible. My family says I need help yet I cant go far enough to get it. Online therapy is my only hope now if God is willing. Thanks again...

[OldestSibling]

I am fully recovered now after receiving TMS treatments. My panic was so bad I couldn’t drive…I understand how paralyzing it can feel. You can Google TMS for more information. It’s expensive, but insurance covers its part. I actually have my life back now

My psychiatrist prescribed Lorazapam before this treatment and it did help prevent the panic attacks if I took everyday. It also helps to get over the immediate symptoms of them. They don’t like to prescribe it for a prolonged period though

I wish you the very best! Please keep us posted about how you’re doing

[Lonely112 in reply to OldestSibling]

Thank you for your encouragement and advice. I will look into TMS treatment. If its something I can at least get started online Ill have a chance because I am severely limited on getting out far enough for help. The fear of the fear is overwhelming. Thanks again...

[OldestSibling]

I understand the fear of the fear. It causes many more panic attacks.

My psychiatrist gave me the Lorazepam to take daily and within a few days I was able to drive across town on my own. I sure hope you are seeing a Dr that can prescribe something to help you at least for a while so you can get treatment.

Praying for you 🙏