Is there anyone I can talk to right now?

[lastpetal]

I feel isolated and burnt out. Having to keep up a facade of normalcy is chipping away at my mental stability because I really am not fine. I need a break from this life but I cannot as I am in the midst of career defining work. Everyone around me expects me to excel, but I am really burnt out and I want to rest and my brain is not working well enough, the output is not good enough. Please help me... Please talk to me...

[Hidden]

I get it....it gets exceedingly harder to pretend like you're ok, like you're not breaking down on the inside. And it's so exhausting having to put on a fake face and act like everything is fine. I wish I had some inspirational breakthrough to make you feel better, all I can do is give you an ear to listen.

[lastpetal in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for responding. I am surrounded by people and yet it feels more suffocating rather than supportive. No one actually listens because I have always been strong and come out of difficult situations. But I just wish that I am allowed to make mistakes or give up because I am honestly tired. I am grateful and it is more than enough if you are willing to listen...

[Hidden in reply to lastpetal]

It's hard to find a friend or loved one that is willing to accept your weakness when they are so used to you holding everything together. It's ok,

To be scared....

To fail....

To cry....

You are enough!

[jjpeabody]

Hello lastpetal, your life does sound overwhelming at the moment, at the moment because I believe you will get through this I recently had a terrible "panic attack" that was a feeling of intense foreboding and doom. I was studying very hard for some length of time and in my state of fatigue the thought of failing came to mind and triggered the panic. I knew I had to step back and take a break. I ended up believing I had started this task too late with an unrealistic timeframe to complete it. After a couple months I am planning to restart my project. I also took a low dose of medication that helped somewhat with panic. I feel, for what it's worth, you need to limit your focus and commit to only completing your project (this means forget about marriage etc for now and focus, no worrying while working on project for set periods of time ie hour or two then break)...I don't know if you've discussed with doctor and possibility of medication. However, if this doesn't sound like a plan then pausing your "career defining work" may be a possibility. It sounds like you have a highly professional job or working on PhD etc, but more than likely few things in life are career defining, you will grow older, wiser, and better. I like to go on walks and sit in church and listen to the music for short breaks. Good luck lastpetal.

[lastpetal in reply to jjpeabody]

You guessed correctly. I am engaged in research and have a lot on my plate at the moment. I wish I could walk into a doctor's office and request help with medications but unfortunately that is not plausible at the moment. I did take certain steps like removing myself from a household where my mental health deteriorated and no one cared but the taunts still come time to time thanks to advancement of communication technology. There are more complex matters involved but at the moment, I do recognise that I do need a break in order to keep going. Thank you for understanding my predicament. Thank you.

[Tabby-5]

Hi lastpetal, Remember you are human and I think being honest with your coworkers is positive for you and them. Acting like you can do it all when you can't just ask for help . I had to recently resign because the pressure of management was way beyond my capabilities. I told my supervisor as I went into her office in tears. She told me no job is worth ruining your mental and physical health. So I resigned and she also resigned 2 weeks after me. I know you say you live in India, Here we have two numbers for outreach 211 and 988, Counselors that you can call and talk to any time. Hope this helps. Respect yourself and what you can handle be good to yourself. Best of luck to you to help you pull through this difficult time.