A boat in a stormy sea - can sink at any time.

[ScaredGR5274]

I live in Bangladesh - a south asian country. We had a small family - my father, mother, elder sister and I. Very introverted since childhood - I didn't mix with anyone. I don't have any close friends either. In 2021, my father died of COVID-19 and at the same time, my sister got married and settled in another country. My mother and I were left alone. I finished my graduation - I am doing a remote job. I feel very alone. I always feel scared - what will I do if something happens to my mother? Recently, I am facing a lot of adversities in my career too. My management wants to fire me. I have applied to a few places but I am not getting any response or seeing any success. Due to being an introvert, I have to be humiliated in any official meeting or family gathering. Sometimes I want to kill myself. I have no one to share my inner storm with. What can I do to increase my confidence or help me be a little better mentally? I can't take it anymore.

[Hidden]

hey, we are here for you. Stay strong. I also lost my mother in covid and things are not same after that. You are not alone, we are in this together.

[ScaredGR5274 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks a lot for the kind words.

[Sankissjuice]

I am also alone with my mother, but I'm not able to hold a job. Too disabled with MDD. I have fear of losing my mother too because I'm not functional at the moment. As for you, you're able to function. Just need to increase your social circle, form a few meaningful connections. Living with MDD, also makes me feel lonely and suicidal. I pray sincerely from my heart asking for strength and wisdom. May we be free from suffering, my friend. We are all brothers and sisters in this world.

[ScaredGR5274 in reply to Sankissjuice]

Many prayers for you and your mother. Hope you get over your tough times soon.

[b1b1b1]

Welcome to this group. The people here are very supportive and understanding. You have had some major losses and it is understandable that you now worry about your Mother as she is the remaining person you are close to. Try to keep in mind that it is very good that you do have her. Confidence comes slowly and is difficult for many here. If you would like to say, write more about your work. Do you have any hobbies or other interests? xx

[ScaredGR5274 in reply to b1b1b1]

Thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts. I love reading books, watching movies and exercise. But most of the time doing these things can't reduce my anxiety.

[jjpeabody]

Hi ScaredGR5274, when I was younger during and just out of college I was introverted and thought I should be more outgoing and extroverted like many others seemed to be. To be brief, it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Turns out that a lot of people always liked me as myself ("introverted") and really liked me much less as me forcing myself to be an extrovert. We are all different and introvert is not necessarily a negative term. For me it was more accurate to say I was suffering from social anxiety, general anxiety, lack of confidence, indecision and commitment, direction and goals. Try not to compare yourself to anyone else. YOU must like yourself and what you do. Be the best physical self you can be. Accept what you can't change. I found friends at church. I find I am happier if I live my life as if everyone could see what I was doing and thinking at all times public or private. In my jobs or if I had to do a presentation I would over prepare which gave me a little more confidence, I've even been accused of doing too good of a job more than once. Make a conscious effort every day to switch from Negative thinking, feeling and acting to the Positive. It's all about repetition and which you choose. A lot of good ideas on this site. Good luck.

[ScaredGR5274 in reply to jjpeabody]

Thanks a lot for your suggestions. Really appreciate that.

[Celtic18]

Hello scared welcome to the group. First of have you seen your doctor about your suicidal thoughts do you suffer from depression ! Sorry to hear of the loss of your dad i lost my dad the middle of last year I still miss him even now ! Do you not have anyone you can confide in that can help! Take care all the best

[ScaredGR5274 in reply to Celtic18]

Thanks for the reply. I haven't seen any doctor because I don't have any good doctors here who specialize in counseling or psychiatry. I've already tried whatever the doctor recommends but to no avail.

[SaraOct]

Yea mental fights and professional struggles can exhaust you with burn out...See the thing is once you step out of ur door...and enter a family gathering or a office...u are forced to be good with people wen it comes to communication.

I am not a professional. Just want to suggest u a few things I think u can do.

First of all tell urself that u need not to match anyone else...u don't have to BECOME someone u are not. Stop putting pressure on urself.

You are just becoming a better version of urself. Right. Like we add a pinch of oregano on an already prepared delicious pizza to ENHANCE it's taste.

Second, try to step in an ambivert zone...

U kno wat that is ?

They talk to people who they vibe with.

But to kno their VIBE u ll have to start conversation. Right...

Never start with office related heated points...because u never know u myt give someone something to gossip around.

Just casual...if u are having drinks or meal with someone...talk about the various brands of drinks, how do they like it...give the other person reason to talk...if some sport match is going on the screen pick out something to talk about from that...player or an actor...

Keep the conversation light, short, casual and sweet....

Important point to remember...

Do not put pressure on ur subconscious mind that the other person will like u or not...or will u be able to pull it through or not...

Because the fact in ur post that u are willing to work on it is already more than enough.

Let me kno if I could help a little...

[SaraOct]

I m really sorry for ur loss...I lost my dad 10 yrs ago

Lost my mother 2 yrs ago to cancer

I was a single daughter so no siblings...

And going through a very heartbreaking phase of my relationship...

I have 1 or 2 frnds with whom I talk but then it's just you at the end of the day...bcoz everyone is busy with their family and professional lives...

So I m pretty much alone on this planet...

Try to stay in touch with ur mum as much as possible....video calls...etc. write letters to her. Our parents generation really love that. Hehehe