Does anyone deal with abusive parents?

I’m dealing with an abusive father. My mother is estranged from the family and my dad is highly toxic. I’m 28 and I feel like I’m destroyed because of him.

[Kat63]

Do you live with your father?

If so - is there any possibility you could move?

When you say “abusive”, do you fear violence? If you do - all the more reason to try to get away from him. Look for women’s shelters, and try your local government - they usually have mental health services.

[Hidden in reply to Kat63]

I’m moving out in one week. It’s verbal abuse and I’m just looking for an online or in person support group for abuse survivors. This is my first post on here so I don’t really know what to expect

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

It's great that you're moving out and i hope you get the help you need, i had one too mine wasn't just verbal it was physical too

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

What do you do to cope with your abuse other than being a member on here. By the way how does this adaa group work? Do we have like weekly sessions or something or do we just randomly respond to people’s statuses kind of like Facebook?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yes kinda like Facebook you post whatever is on your mind or if you have any questions or worries we'll help as much as we can. Im on meds and i see a therapist regularly, the abuse cause my anxiety depression and agoraphobia

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Wow I’m so sorry to hear that. Yeah I’m on anxiety meds and I’ve been in therapy almost my whole life simply because of my dad. I feel like I developed my anxiety disorder because of my dad. I also feel like I’m gonna be on meds and in therapy forever. I hate how one person can literally almost destroy you.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

What are your coping mechanisms?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Key word Almost, we can get back to being us or close to it, i have been in therapy for a minute now, there's no timeline in getting better it's different for everyone. I read a lot, meditation was hard at first but i got the hang of it now, music also. You have to find things you love doing it helps greatly

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the advice I appreciate it

[Lulububs]

Yes i have dealt with a abusive stepfather for many years, he came into my life when i was 11 and im now 45!

He was abusive mentally and sometimes physically but would do it when my mother wasnt watching or was out. Never sexually.

I moved out at 21 as i was so fed up of it.

My mum eventually realised he was a a***hole about 10 years ago but he considered himself “ my father”!!!!! Ironically... as if he actually treated his actual child ( never had his own) the way he treated me he would b in prison.

So he never left my life even though he was not with my mum anymore?

He would turn up at my house when my husband wasnt there so he could basically, moan, rant and b abusive so noone could see him do it.::

Eventually two years ago , i realised mentally and physically( suffer bad ibs which i contribute to stress) i couldnt do it anymore and i basically cut him off....

Blocked his phone, blocked him on facebook, stopped answering home phone and ignored him when he knocked on door or text me... he realised eventually i was cutting him out of my life. I think he knew it was coming as the last time i saw him we had a screaming match on my front garden( i say we , i mean he screamed at me whilst my neighbours watched) and i think he knew that was it for me...

IT WAS THE BEST THING

I EVER DID!!!!

As i said to friends “ u can choose ur mates u cant choose ur family and just because they are family it doesnt mean u have to have them

In ur life “ if there toxic they have to go.

When u move out there ur chance please do not b like me and let it go on for years..

I wished i had cut him out 10 years ago.

[Hidden in reply to Lulububs]

Wow thanks so much. I appreciate you sharing your story, it sounded very difficult and painful but I’m glad that you’re better now. You can be free and live your life. Unfortunately I can’t just cut my dad out but I definitely plan on keeping my distance from him such as avoiding family gatherings where he is there and being financially independent which I think is a crucial factor. I’ll never live with him again which is another crucial factor. Ugh I have 4 more days until I move out. I had to wait 8 months for this moment and it is glorious

[Lulububs in reply to Hidden]

Yeh i can imagine ... it cant come quick enough.

Unfortunately some people are just not born to b parents and they have no idea how to b one.

He has a problem with showing affection and has no idea how to deal with women , he treated me like a boy ?

Once your out just make sure u have distance, only see him when u really need to or have to.

Just coz he ur father dont mean u have to like him, thats his problem not urs.

Dont feel any guilt over it, i spent so much time feeling guilty as he has no family but me and i thought nope!! I cant take that guilt... that not my fault.. he is not liked and he has no family as he is NOT A NICE PERSON!

Enjoy your life and do not get sucked back in as it will just eat u up and make u feel crap...

He made me feel fat( im a size 8) ugly, useless , thick , unlikeable and i know that was him putting his feeling of himself on me ...

Im now 45 and i feel free!!! For first time since i was 11. I can open my blinds knowing i have not got to hide from him incase he turns up. I wont b called fat or b wound up and stressed out coz he having a bad day so come round and takes it out on me!!!

Only think about urself and who enriches ur life not makes ur life toxic

[Hidden in reply to Lulububs]

So true. I need to start focusing on myself. Us as women focus way to much on other people and making others happy. It’s bout damn time we start making OURSELVES HAPPY. Focus on yourself ladies you’re not responsible for anyone unless you have small kids which is a different story but other than that everyone around you is a grown a$$ adult and needs to start taking responsibility for their own sh*t !

[Lulububs in reply to Hidden]

Yeh i totally agree just wished i had been strong enough 10 years ago to let it go when i was in my 30s not 40s but unfortunately with age comes strength, plus wisdom to realise u dont have to b treated like 💩.

I now know my self worth!

I wont tolerate people in my life being toxic or negative and if they are “ ✋🏻bye bye”!

I wana live my next 40 years in peace( hope 40 😂).

Im not the lonely one now he is...

I decided many years ago i did not want children, so i adopt and take in rescue dogs, with my husband and we travel alot , i have great friends and family and im actually really happy.

[Hidden in reply to Lulububs]

Wow it sounds like you have a great life now. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel. Good for you !!!

[Lulububs in reply to Hidden]

It took along time...

Lots of therapy and just realising we live one life .. just one... lets make it as good as it can be or il get to 80 ( i hope) and i dont want any regrets

[dmholland630 in reply to Hidden]

I beg to differ on that. You don’t have to have any family member in your life that you don’t want to. My dad is toxic. Out of his 5 kids, for years now I have been the only one who would have anything to do with him. Then he got mad about something I said to someone else about him and cussed me out and told me don’t call him again. Now mind you this is not the first time this has happened. So I just talked to a couple of my cousins and let them know that I’m done with him. When he’s done being mad he can just forget about calling me back this time! I don’t have to put up with his behavior and I have no intention of putting up with it any longer. I have my own mental health to worry about. So, I’ve cut him out of my life and I don’t regret it at all. I don’t need his negativity all the time. So you see, you can cut your father out of your life and be much more successful and happy for it.

[swimminghusky]

I hear you, you're not alone. I just posted on what I am dealing with from my mother.

[mvillarreal]

Hi, Hidden. I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with an abusive parent. What kind of abuse is it? Verbal? Physical? Sexual? Why do you feel like you're destroyed? Do you feel like he destroyed you emotionally?

[Mia898]

How is thing a year on much better ? I hope all worked out for the best ?